Teenager I need help?

Question

I am having problems with a 16 year old Boy that thinks he is an adult. Last year he was doing good in school was respectful now within the last 3-4 months he went to being a great kid to Cursing all the time smoking drinking and failing his classes.And talking very disrespectful to his mom. We don't put a lot of rules on him. During the week he has to be home by 9:00 weekends by 1:00 which I think is to late. Try your best in school, respectively talk to your Mom, keep your room clean and no drugs smoking or drinking..I think those are fair rules.. What do you think and what should I do?? He comes home tonight after running away for two days. I have two younger kids that I just don't want to see all that he is doing.

Answer 1

start taking his things away, turn him into the cops if he runs away. you gotta be hard on him, it's the only way he'll learn.

he may hate you for the moment, but when he grows up, he'll respect you and thank you for it.

Answer 2

My brothers were ... are a lot like that. What my parents always give them is unconditional love... which is good. But sometimes you just need to buckle down. Sit him down, ask him what is up... do not take nothing for an answer. Keep an eye on the friends he is hanging with and ask around about them.

... Oh, and about the younger kids. My brothers both messed up a lot, I am the youngest and after seeing all the things they did to my poor parents and all the stress they put them through, I never stepped a foot out of line. I'm 19 now and I think I benefited from knowing everything that was going on, so maybe you should also tell them what is going on and why it is bad, and.. not to sound mushy, but the worry and pain it causes you and your wife.

Hope this helps a little. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, he's still in school so he has no business to be out until 9:00 on school nights. Weekends, the curfew should be no later than 11:00pm. After that time, the only thing to do that you can't do at home is get into trouble and he's apparently doing enough of that already. If he's getting the alcohol from your house, clean out all of it. If he's getting it from a friends house, don't let him go there. Restrict all privaleges from him until he straightens up. Give him home drug tests also. If he runs away again, let him spend a few nights in the detention center. Take the bedroom door off of it's hinges so that when he's in there, you'll know what he's doing. Tell him to stay in his room and only to go to the bathroom. Take away everything from his room except his bed and dresser. If he wants to act up, make his room a prison and tell him if he doesn't change, then that's where he's going. Good luck!

Answer 4

You could try sitting down with him and making a list with him of what things he thinks are unfair or oppressive, and how he thinks his life will be better if they change to the way he wants them to be. At the end, you can give your opinion of how his life will be different if you allow those changes.

If he's feeling like you are being oppressive, drive him to a really crappy slum and give him some perspective on how good he has it.

Edit: One thing about drugs. Don't lie about them. The government may produce all manner of propaganda about drugs making people go nuts and killing each other or whatever, but that doesn't give you an excuse to lie about them. Drugs won't kill your son, at least not immediately. But they will take away his ambition, his friends, his family, and choices in life, over time. I think many children lose respect for their parents because of the lies they are told growing up.

Answer 5

I think your rules are fair, except the room clean one- it may be fair but it's not going to happen with a teenage boy. I wouldn't bother trying to enforce that, you're better to shut the door on the room so you don't have to look it and leave it alone. He'll end up tidying it at some point because he'll get fed up with loosing things, but you'll likely not to be able to force him to do anything about it, i don't know any teenage boys with really tidy rooms but most keep them clean enough because they get fed up with it if they don't.

He seems to be crying out for attention, either that or he's got in with a bad crowd. Try talking to him about, letting him know you're there if he wants to talk, and you can explain to him your rules and ask him to tell you why he won't keep them (if he doesn't.). Ask him to tell you why he finds some hard to keep, in a conversational way, like your thinking of changing them. Explain why they are important (that you'll worry if he's not back, that you only want to know where he is because you care etc.). Don't force him to open up but try to make sure he knows he can.

As he's suddenly rebelled, he'll likely go back to normal eventually. It may be his friends he's hanging around with, either that or there is something going on his life that's upset him and he's dealing with it the only way he knows how. If you can resolve this problem with him, he will likely go back to how he was.

Tell him punishments if he doesn't follow the rules but there's not many that will work with a boy that age. I always think that if you say you'll call the police if he's late or runs away (or even that you have called the police) because you were worried he's been killed or something, might be enough to scare him into telling you where he is.

Good luck with him and don't panic to much, all teens seem to rebell at some point in their life, he'll grow out of it if you're patient with him.

Answer 6

I believe that you should lock him in his room. Drugs are a no no. Drinking is to be expected from a teenager from time to time but that doesn't mean he can be reckless or do it right in front of ya'll. Smoking is also a no no. His mother should take away all his privileges. Take everything out of his room except his bed and his homework. Find out who his friends are and if he's hangin' out with new people they might be influencing him or pressuring him to do wrong things. Or it might be the attitude of "I'm a man. I don't have to do what anybody else says"

Answer 7

Try talking to him one on one like a friend. Don't sit him down in an uncomfortable setting. Tell him something that makes you vulnerable, perhaps he'll open up.

Has he made new friends lately? Perhaps they could be the fuel to the fire. Also 16 is an interesting age, driving is a responsibility as well as working that can create the sense of adulthood in ones self that could embolden him to think he's the boss and his actions are really his way of telling you he's grown up.

Answer 8

Kids don't just snap out of being "good" to be "bad". Something happened to him.If that "something" didn't happen at home, then you should check in school.Talk to the teachers, not about the grades but about the crowd he hangs out with.Has he change his friends?Did he change his style in clothing?You have to start looking for clues about his change before you know how to treat his behavior.When you find the source (might be new friends with bad influence on him) you will know what to do.If you just go ahead and punish him for what he is doing now, he will run away again and a chain of events like that will be triggered.
Find clues as of what happened to him. Is he imitating someone Else's behavior to fit in? Is he being challenged by someone to do something daring?Is he trying to call upon your attention maybe?
I know he is doing it all wrong...but maybe he could not think of another idea on how to show you he needs you, or he is confused, or he is frighten to grow up and feels as the oldest of your kids...somehow responsible for behaving properly for his sibling's sake and it is too much for him.There are so many factors as for his behavior...Find one clue...and there rest of the puzzle will come to live.Good luck.

Answer 9

Something has happened in his life that needs to be addressed. Could be drugs, problems at school, maybe even new "friends" that are having abad influence on him. Investigate it because it sounds serious. Maybe he has too many freedoms and he is trying to stretch his boundaries a bit. Kids will do that, especially teenagers. Might have to put your foot down with him.

Answer 10

It is hard with teenage boys. You have to think of what you would have wanted your parents to do for you then, in your brain Now. Ya know? You have to be pretty tough on boys, in a loving way. If that makes sense. He isn't a man yet, if he wants to argue that give him a bill to pay. He will either grow up or act his age...with respect.

Answer 11

Sounds like he is taking advantage of you. I was similar when I was 16. What stopped me was getting arrested, once for fireworks and another for being around the wrong people at the wrong time. May be time for tough love to get him thinking before he turns 18 and enters the real world.