What advice would you give to singles over the age of thirty to help end their relationship drought?

Question

Help me to research my next book on singles! What kinds of places are best to meet other singles? Is a change of attitude the solution to finding a partner? What are some tips for reducing commitment phobia from prospective partners? How did you overcome your single status?

Answer 1

Think outside the square! You may have an image of someone that you think is just right for you, but if you open yourself up to more people, you may just be surprised how happy you can be. I married a man completely different to my 'wish-list' guy - we have very little in common but we compliment each other and things never get boring. Changing what you are looking for does not mean settling for less, it means opening your eyes to a wider range of possibilities.

I met someone at work, but if you are looking for someone caring and nurturing, volunteer somewhere; if you want someone who shares your politics, join an action group; if you want someone who cares for the earth, join a community garden project; if you want someone sporty, join a sport club.

Don't go into a relationship with an image of how you want things to look - that is way too much pressure - enjoy the person for who they are and the relationship (in whatever form it is supposed to take) will follow. Plus, because you are not trying to get someone to be a certain way and you are just having fun, you naturally are going to be more attractive, to them and yourself.

Answer 2

A man must project confidence even if he's a force five fool. If he can mix confidence and be well dressed he's doing fine, half way there, to make it all work, a man must be capable of intelligence and kindness, at once. No mean feat for some of us more aggressive types. Best place to meet quality singles is a school of some type, preferrably a business school, although any type of academy is ok. Family reunions can be surprising, especially if your not looking to get married. Another choice is an after work get together of fellow workers. Churches are acceptable, join the choir. A thirty five year old woman can have a field day with local college football team. But a swimming club, a large pool is required, at a health club can be satisfactory. If you live in a large apt facility, the jacuzzi is a nice spot. A suana can be a little too intimate for conversation.
Anybody whose been dragged through the court system will have phobia about commitment, so a woman must make it known she's in it for lust, not love, and let him fall first. Once he's over his head, she can really put the screws in with a demonstration of sexual, sensual prowness. Feed the beast slowly, let him beg for more. Your not a man until you've begged. A woman these days, must be street smart, not make errors at night, that would put her man in jeapordy, as in don't get drunk in public, and don't let him fumble with keys to get into a car she's already in, open the damn door for him, from the inside. Finally don't talk about your ex's, male or female. Listen to what they think is important. Don't be common. Adios Liz. Keep your self-esteem up.

Answer 3

d be well dressed he's doing fine, half way there, to make it all work, a man must be capable of intelligence and kindness, at once. No mean feat for some of us more aggressive types. Best place to meet quality singles is a school of some type, preferrably a business school, although any type of academy is ok. Family reunions can be surprising, especially if your not looking to get married. Another choice is an after work get together of fellow workers. Churches are acceptable, join the choir. A thirty five year old woman can have a field day with local college football team. But a swimming club, a large pool is required, at a health club can be satisfactory. If you live in a large apt facility, the jacuzzi is a nice spot. A suana can be a little too intimate for conversation.

Answer 4

The best place to meet singles is EVERYWHERE! I say this because a person has to present an open mind and attitude to find someone that is for them. some people have been in relationships where they maybe thought it was going to be 'forever' but it did not work out that way and they ended up being so hurt they turned off the idea of relationships in some ways by only being casual, friends with benefits, and always comparing new prospective dating partners to their ex boyfriends & girlfriends. I think a big way to overcome phobias in dating all together is to have dialogue with your partner and be able to understand what both parties expect out of the relationship from the start-and i that changes, be honest enough to say so. The only way to overcome single status is to be your own friend and know you are a prize of a person for whoever you meet until you meet them. It helps to have friends....

Answer 5

Are you over thirty Liz? First thing, know what you are about, so you can explain any quirks. The most attractive thing about women is their smell mixed with alcohol, and looks. If a women is insecure about the above, she'll come out feeling silly and it is most noticeable. A man must project confidence even if he's a force five fool. If he can mix confidence and be well dressed he's doing fine, half way there, to make it all work, a man must be capable of intelligence and kindness, at once. No mean feat for some of us more aggressive types. Best place to meet quality singles is a school of some type, preferrably a business school, although any type of academy is ok. Family reunions can be surprising, especially if your not looking to get married. Another choice is an after work get together of fellow workers. Churches are acceptable, join the choir. A thirty five year old woman can have a field day with local college football team. But a swimming club, a large pool is required, at a health club can be satisfactory. If you live in a large apt facility, the jacuzzi is a nice spot. A suana can be a little too intimate for conversation.
Anybody whose been dragged through the court system will have phobia about commitment, so a woman must make it known she's in it for lust, not love, and let him fall first. Once he's over his head, she can really put the screws in with a demonstration of sexual, sensual prowness. Feed the beast slowly, let him beg for more. Your not a man until you've begged. A woman these days, must be street smart, not make errors at night, that would put her man in jeapordy, as in don't get drunk in public, and don't let him fumble with keys to get into a car she's already in, open the damn door for him, from the inside. Finally don't talk about your ex's, male or female. Listen to what they think is important. Don't be common. Adios Liz. Keep your self-esteem up.

Answer 6

This is the million dollar question. Honestly when you are looking there are many places. I have found that volunteering for my community is helpful, but must be careful of the multitude of men that don't wear wedding rings. I am over 30, attractive, intelligent and self sufficient. Apparently most men are intimidated by my success in my personal and professional life. My only advice is that don't give up the faith. Where is really not the question as it is when. I have done the internet dating, speed dating and blind dating and honestly none of those things really pan out. I joined a co-ed softball team this last year and although not much on the dating at least it's getting out there. I figure that half the problem is meeting quality not quantity and not to put so much pressure on commitment. Commitment will come if all other aspects of the relationship fall into place and if they don't then time to move on and try try again. Everytime you go out is a time to meet someone. I am still single and happy that way although someone in my life would be nice it is not a necessity.

Answer 7

Well, I'm 55 and was married for 10 years. My opinion is you only have so many avenues available to meet someone:
- Church
- Singles Groups
- Bars
- Classes
- Work
- Internet

My current relationship was from the internet. I think the internet is an especially good way to meet someone because you can establish your likes, dislikes, quirks, etc. before you meet. Meeting through all the other avenues available to older people is much more difficult when you're shy and not good at making light conversation with strangers. Plus there are things you won't talk about in person that you might talk about online in a written communication.

We've been together for 2 years and I think I've met my life partner. At least I'd like to think so.

That's my advice. Of course the same precautions apply as in anything else. Be a good judge of character. Ask a lot of questions about the person. Meet in a public place for your first meeting. Never give out your home phone number (use a cell number). People say the internet is full of crazies. I think the same crazies are at church, bars, school, etc. You have to be discerning and make sure the person is someone you can trust.

Liking someone is so important. You have to truly like someone if you want to be with that person for a long time. They must make you laugh, and you have to have true affection for the person. You must like what they look like (let's face it, physical attraction must be there) but you must be realistic. Why would a really attractive person that could be a model, be attracted to you if you're overweight, or have the features of a animal.

When you meet someone you must like the person as they are, the worst thing is to enter a relationship with someone with the idea that you will change them. Very few people can change what they look like, how they dress, talk, and/or care about they're appearance.

Answer 8

I am 33 and I haven't overcome my single status. I must say I figure among the one singles who find themselves in a relationtip drought, so I should rather consider myself as someone who is in need of advice than to be an example to be followed, but I feel to share my thoughts with you it may help with the research.
The internet seems to be the last and the best resort for someone over 30 who's possibly too phobic to give it a try and go to a singles' bar for a drink and a prospective magic night. The magic night would possibly not come and you might go back home for a horrible headache and a hangover the other morning without a clue of what must have gone wrong the previous night. In the Internet services you would find out there are a few nice and decent online groups where singles can exchange mesages for months or years before setting the first meeting and knowing one another personally. Yahoo Groups are a good example of such nice virtual places where you don't have to spend a penny to meet someone. I would prefer chosing Yahoo to the paid services, once I feel like not trusting that much in the paid services because I feel unsure about the quality of thei services they offer. After finding the prospective partner in the internet, a sunny morning at wide open places such as parks or at large sidewalks alongside the beach or at the city's river bank shores are simply the right places to meet your love-to-be for the first time. Don't dismiss the old fashion picknick, because it may be fun! Love meetings at open places on a sunday afternoon are far safer than 9 o'clock in the evening at the singles' bar. Casual encounters are too odd for phobic people as I so, I assume it is nt a good idea to go to a singles' for the magic night since I do really fear being dumped. I guess think of your partner-to-be as someone who has the same fears you have of losing someone cherished is a good tip for reducing someone's commitment phobia. By the time you get to be enjoying the picknick time outside, to be completely frank in attitudes and words would make it an enjoyable moment for the two: not spoil everything by speaking about former relations and subsequent failures is definitely something important to keep in mind. Unfortunatelly, I won't be able to say I have overcome my single status for I remain too shy and fearsome in order to attempt a new try this soon. It is funy that, although I seem to know where to start from and what to do I am not about to do it right now. I guess it's two things what halts me action: that's the fear of being dumped and a more selective attitude towards my life-to-be. I fear never dating anymore, true - the feeling that you have someone beside you is simply too good - but I would prefer being alone to dating, loving, and losing again. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

There are singles (members only) dating clubs in the area where I live. I personally wanted to join, just to have other singles (guys and girls, alike) to go out with. With these services, they offer ski trips, dinners, cultural outings such as nights at the theater, concerts, valley wine tasting, dance clubs,...all different tpes of fun things to do with other like-minded singles. If the person interested can afford it, I would have to say that it is the only way to go!
Change of attitude is HUGE. If the person has been single for a while, they may feel like there's not nearly as much hope...but low and behold, it seems that there is usually a chance once their mindset has changed.
To reduce comitment phobia, I would have to say that you have to start with a clean slate. It shouldn't matter what an ex relationship may have been like. You need to go into a new relationship with all of that behind you, and enjoy each new prospective parner with the same respect that you expect from them...leave the baggage at the door.
I can't answer the last question...I still have yet to do that.

Answer 10

Sure -
Stop reading self help books and get out there. Do the things that you like to do and you will meet people with similar interests. There is no recipe for meeting the right person. It just happens. Attitude is always a factor, no one wants to be around a negative person. As for commitment phobia, that's individually based, and pretty much requires relinquishing the personal demons we all have lived through in the past and reminding ourselves that every new person is nothing like the previous ones who hurt us.
I have not "overcome" my single status but I do not see anything wrong with being single. Obviously being in a relationship is nice but I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship just to say I have a boyfriend or husband where I'm not happy.

Answer 11

The most attractive thing about women is their smell mixed with alcohol, and looks. If a women is insecure about the above, she'll come out feeling silly and it is most noticeable. A man must project confidence even if he's a force five fool. If he can mix confidence and be well dressed he's doing fine, half way there, to make it all work, a man must be capable of intelligence and kindness, at once. No mean feat for some of us more aggressive types. Best place to meet quality singles is a school of some type, preferrably a business school, although any type of academy is ok. Family reunions can be surprising, especially if your not looking to get married. Another choice is an after work get together of fellow workers. Churches are acceptable, join the choir. A thirty five year old woman can have a field day with local college football team. But a swimming club, a large pool is required, at a health club can be satisfactory. If you live in a large apt facility, the jacuzzi is a nice spot. A suana can be a little too intimate for conversation.
Anybody whose been dragged through the court system will have phobia about commitment, so a woman must make it known she's in it for lust, not love, and let him fall first. Once he's over his head, she can really put the screws in with a demonstration of sexual, sensual prowness. Feed the beast slowly, let him beg for more. Your not a man until you've begged. A woman these days, must be street smart, not make errors at night, that would put her man in jeapordy, as in don't get drunk in public, and don't let him fumble with keys to get into a car she's already in, open the damn door for him, from the inside. Finally don't talk about your ex's, male or female. Listen to what they think is important. Don't be common. Adios Liz. Keep your self-esteem up.