Friends or Something More?

Question

So I have a "friend" who I am totally attracted to. Problem is this: He is married but seperated and going through a divorce and he is not ready for a relationship. (BTW - we met after they split) He is very shy but we have talked openly about this topic because he is also attracted to me. I guess the problem is that we have kissed a number of times and came close to things going too far however when we talk about a relationship he tells me he's not ready. I can understand so I have backed off and told him that when he's ready he knows how to find me. So I'm doing ok with going on with my life until he shows up at my house about once a week. Now nothing is happening when he comes over weekly (we keep our distance and behaive friendly) but its so obvious he (and I) want more. At this point I am not pushing anything and the ball is in his court if he wants to do anything. Its just difficult to see him because it just resurfaces my feelings for him. My question is just for advice. thanks

Answer 1

Let me help shed some light here okay? First, he's still going through the divorce, which means he still is sorting out all his good times and the new bad times memories he has from his marriage. Second, as much as he probably would like to, he doesn't know how to feel right now. Think about it, he's getting divorced from the woman he swore to love and honor for all times(till death do us part) and now this! He's probably feeling(emotionally that is!) about an inch tall right now because of all this. Not to mention the fact that he probably feels that he'll never really be able to find love or happiness again! What you should do is really easy actually, just be there for him as a friend right now. Once the dust settles, then see how things fair!

Answer 2

Its a tuffy. No doubt you like each other, but you're definitely setting yourself up for being a rebound chick. It's so hard for guys to move out of a marriage into being single. They're so used to having somebody there, they NEED something to grab onto. Just know if you're so sure you're so good together, if you force him to take some time alone, he will be back. I've been in the same situation. I backed off, gave him the space because I didn't want to be the rebound chick. He did come back later, after rebounding on several girls. Didn't end up working out in the end, but at least I knew I did the right thing. After a year of being single, he still needed more time.

Answer 3

I think you are wrong as to whose court the ball is really in. If he is coming over he is interested but just needs a little wave in. If you make it clear on one of his visits that the time to make things happen is now, not later, he will either step up to the plate and hit a home run or not. If not, at least you will have resolved the issue and can move on. It sucks to be "on hold" and you dont deserve that.