How do you motivate your teenager?

Question

My son is 16 and he is a great kid. He is smart, charming and kind. On the flipside he is lazy. I mean really lazy in school and at home. What can I do to help him realize he needs to put it in gear and prepare for the future. It is hard for teens see the ramifications of the their attitudes and actions. Any new approaches will be appreciated.

Answer 1

It's past tough love time at this age, but you have to fix it now. Time to restrict privileges, like driving, computer, video games, going out with friends, etc. - for whatever it is - schoolwork, chores, etc.
Do it and mean it. Make sure he knows you mean it - no caving!

Answer 2

Is he driving yet? I told my kids from the start that the state says they can drive at 16, doesn't mean I do. They have to earn that privilege. Additionally, with kids having so much these days, I implemented taking privileges away (including tv, phone, going with friends, etc). With my youngest, since the driving laws changed from having 25 to 50 hours, she wasn't going to school, so, for each day she went, she got driving time with me after dinner. If she didn't go, not only wasn't she allowed to drive and earn hours, she was forbidden to be on the phone or computer (unless it was for school work and I was present). Even though he's 16, make a chart (e.g. - one column is the action and the other is the consequence), but incorporate good too (for example, if my kids perform a chore I didn't ask (laundry, dishes, garbage, etc), they get time added on to curfew, etc. It's all general science - for every action there is a reaction.

Answer 3

Coming from someone who used to be a lazy teenager...just make sure you are supportive of his/her hobbies. Each person is inspired in a different way. It isn't something that can be forced on someone, but at the same time...you can't let him/her sit around and do nothing. Just offer some encouragement, be supportive, and constantly remind them that life only gets tougher as you get older! Punishment isn't always the correct way to get a kid to respond, but not ignoring the problem is way worse!

Answer 4

reward system- my mother agreed to let me get a tattoo for staying on the honor role all year
(I kept it at an adverage of 3.5 all year- but chickened out after I thought about a needle poking me- a lot)

you don't have to go that extreme.

take him to some colleges in person or even just casually bring up all he could have if he suceeds. try and point out that some things can be fun and most things that may not be fun are rewarding in the end.

ask him what he wants to do in life. talk with him and be realistic (IE some parents will exagerate to get their 'go college!' point across. and teens do know when you are enbelishing)

and really focus on what he wants he might even be 'lazy' because he doesn't know what he wants to do- so its easy to not work because you don't even know what you are working for
help him figure out a few ideas for his future.

or he might feel what he wants is unattainable. make him see it doesn't have to be (and if it is steer him towards looking for new options)
even if the only thing he knows he wants not is money, a car, and to vaction in Hawii every year- then you know he needs school and a job. just help him find a suitable job for him that he can pursue.

all I think of off the top of my head

Answer 5

find out what he's passionate about or maybe he's depressed because when i was a teenager i would be really lazy but only because i was too sad but umm if that's not the case take away allowance and tell him get a job! that's a def. wake up call! explain you know not everything in life is free and everyone has to earn their keep and it can be very rewarding. it teaches responsiblity if you don't go to work you don't get paid if you don't get paid you don't have money! also it's a good way to get some work experince in college if there is anything he's interested in he can gain experince in that field which will be useful to determine if that's what he really wants to do with his life

Answer 6

Some times they just need a good kick in the butt......not literally but....

1. Start by giving him standards.....for example....create a list of chores for him, and the days he is supose to do them....also, you know you son and what he is capable of....give him an acceptable grade for each class.....and this is tough....if he is good at math then that grade for that class should be an A....say you know he has trouble in history, then that grade would be say a B. But he will have to know what exactly is expected of him.

2. Next you have to give him consiquences for not following through.....Grounding, taking aways priviliages....I know that when I was younger....If I did not get a chore done for the day, I got one warning, which was more a less "did you get your chores done today"....if I didn't I lost my allowance, which went for gas money. If I was late coming home, I was grounded one day for every minute. If I got a bad grade....not just one test, but say for a quater....I was grounded until I was able to get it back up.

Grounding in my house was not a picknick......I got up, went to school came home did chores and went to my room to do homework....I was in my room all the time except to go to school, do chores....and use the bathroom....

Answer 7

you give what he gives.
if he won't help with dinner he doesn't eat dinner. eat at dinner time or don't eat at all.
if he won't take the trash out he gets to have it in his room until it gets taken out.
if he won't help out with cleaning day he doesn't get his ipod or video games.
and NO , he isn't going to his friend's house until he finds some respect for his family (parents) and his home.

it will take some time and he will see how far he can push you. it's his job. you might feel like you are on restriction , too, but it's totally worth it.

this way he has to know what is going on around him. there's no telling him what needs to be done each day of the week and what time. he's a bit old for that. this way he has to pay attention to his family and home. and will learn how to care for each.
he can't care about that which he knows nothing.

Answer 8

To motivate him, instead of taking things away, take everything away. Make him earn what he wants - kinda like points. For instance, does all his chores this week, gets him 5 points, no problems at school this week gets him 10 points, good grades this week, 10 points, been respectful to adults this week, 5 points. Then have a points "price" for things he wants to do like so much TV for 2 points, XBox for a weekend day - 5 points, trip to the mall to buy something (or whatever) 5 poings. I liked this because it gave me real goals to work for for real things I wanted to do, plus it taught me several other things like some economics, personal responsibility, opportunity cost (I could save up points week to week for bigger things - skateboard, playstation, go to motorcycle races). My sister had some probs with one of her kids and she used this...it worked pretty well with her boy also - but you gotta stick to your guns on this one, its just as hard for the parent as it is for the kid.

Like I said, Not only does this approach motivate and reinforce positive behavior, but it teaches self-discipline, responsibility, cause/effect, economics of scale, savings, goal obtainment, ramifications for positive and negative behavior, consequences - positive and negative...

Answer 9

I started with their privileges and when the school work didn't get done, they lost one..........same for the house work. I got lucky though, my kids were 5 yrs apart and the oldest would help the younger one to do the right things. Good luck

Answer 10

It's kinda hard to do that. Most teens are lazy.