Any advice for a newlywed Army Wife??

Question

I am a newlywed with a husband that just re-enlisted in the army as an E-4. We haven't even been married a month yet and he is already at his post (which is Fort Riley, Kansas) and I will follow next week. He has already been told he will most likely be deployed around Christmas/or the first part of next year at the latest. I would really like be a good "Army Wife" and make our first year of marriage great before he gets deployed. Any advice on how I could do that, and what could I do after he gets deployed to let him know I am thinking about him? We both agree I will go back to our home state once he gets deployed. Does anyone know anything about Fort Riley..what is there do/what is it like? Any advice from anyone currently in the Military, Prior Service, or Military Wives would be greatly appreciated!!

Answer 1

i'm a military wife, USMC, so i can't really tell you about that base or specific organizations to help the transition.
however, your moving expenses can most likely be re-imbursed, make him look into it.
take care of the finances, this way nothing will change when he goes on deployment. i do all the checking and bill paying. it's easier that way. i worked out all our expenses so they fall either on the 1st or 15th. this way as soon as he gets paid the bills get paid. then, my paycheck is used for groceries and other "extras".
remember that in military areas lots of places give mil discounts. we get one on our cable, phone and internet bundle package.

make sure before he deploys that you have set up medical directives (living wills) and POWER OF ATTORNEY. you will most likely find yourself in a pickle if you don't have power of attorney while he's deployed. example: my husband is deployed. i have power of attorney to file our taxes. if i didn't have it then he'd have to be there to file or do an extenstion=pain in the butt.

socially....get involved. often times there are spouse groups or volunteer groups that you can get involved in on base. DO IT! you can learn alot from other army wives. also, go into town and make friends. get a job somewhere, even part time to make some friends. have him invite friends and their spouses over for dinner of just a house warming party.
my point....be outgoing. don't let yourself get lonely!

i just moved here a year ago and the year has flown. i am working, making friends, getting hobbies etc. my husband is about to deploy in a month and we're dreading it, but life goes on. WE have made a life here and it's good.

i hope that helps! also, don't forget to shop at the exchange and the commissary. often times they have home lay-away for furniture, washer/dryer, etc. tax free too! plus, the commissary usually has good prices and i like their meats better than places like wal-mart.

take care. hope i helped!

p.s. "oldsalt" has a point about making your base your home. i will be staying here when my husband deploys. so will the other wives i'm friends with. the only one that probably won't is our friend who is just dating her marine. her dad is a general in DC and she will most likely go home since she doesn't have much keeping her here (i.e. kids, job etc.)
i do know of some wives who go to their parents' home if they are having a baby and hubby is gone. mom and dad can help with that transition so they aren't alone. then, they move home 2 oor 3 weeks before hubby gets back.
just remember that the military does become like your family. you will find yourself friends with people you never thought you'd be friends with. you help babysit someone's kids free of charge when they're in a pinch and they return the favor with loaning you maternity clothes when you're pregnant (my own example).

basically, it's a change, but if you embrace it and go with it, you'll be fine!

Answer 2

Being married is hard enough with out adding the military to it lol. All you can really do is support him in what he does, you have to remember your not just married to him you are now married to the army too lol. I haven't been to fort Riley I have only been to ft Benning, ft Gordan, and ft Bragg and from what I've noticed there are mainly just malls and strip clubs by the bases because most of the army is single soldiers. Don't get on him about being late coming home because they cant help it some time they have to stay at work for 24 hours straight which sucks. When hes deployed there wont be much you can do if he can receive mail write him every day if he can get on the puter E-mail him and make sure you have a cell phone for when he does get to call home. Care packages are always good baby wipes ,magazines,smokes, candy, stuff that he wont be able to get from the locals is always good. other then that just ask him what he would want you to send him everyone is different. any other questions let me know I've been married to the military for 5 years now lol

Answer 3

I know exactly where you are coming from on this. I dont know about Fort Riley, but I can help you for after he gets deployed. There is alot that you can do, and alot of things that can help you. You might just have to email me.

There is a book out, called the Survival Guide for Military Wives, and Girlfriends. It's pink camoflauge. This will be EXTREMELY helpful to you. It has been my bible since my husband deployed.

As far as when he deployes, try emailing him every night, so he knows how much you love him and miss him. Plus this also makes him feel like he's still a part of what's going on at home. Some say not to talk about any of the things that go wrong at home, but I found that with my husband, he wanted to know, and got mad when I tried to protect him from it.

Another way is to send him care package boxes. Send about 1 a week, or more. Put pictures, cards, letters, and all his favorite snacks in it.

I have never missed sending my husband an email every night since he first got on the plane over a year ago. I've saved each one, printed it off, and put it in a binder for him to keep.

As far as being a good wife before he deploys, just do everything that he loves about you. Take lots of pictures together, and truly enjoy every moment of every day that you spend together.

Best of luck to you,

Answer 4

Well, this is a very broad subject - but the best piece of advice I could give to any military wife would be to be patient, supportive, educated, and prepared.

What I mean by patient and supportive should be pretty much a given - you'll need a lot of patience to deal with some of the military stuff that might appear (or is) stupid and nonsensical, such as the hierachy in the Family Support / Readiness Group where some wives think they wear their husband's rank. Some of the military folks can be a pain to deal with as well - so lots of patience is needed, don't loose your temper with those people, breathe deeply and take things one step at a time.

What I mean by educated is just that - try to learn as much about how things work in the military as you can. Understand the rank structure, and how things are handled - whom to go to when you have a problem, whom to contact, etc. Also try to learn as much about your husband's job as you can, and get to know people in his unit as well as their family members. It takes a lot of being proactive, but it helps build a better support system when you need it. And knowing where to go and whom to call makes a big difference while your husband is deployed as well, so you can take care of things at home and don't have to spend each phone call with him detailing the problems you have.

And lastly, be prepared. Military life is not for everyone and there are lots of things going on, between deployments, PCS moves, and all that good stuff. So it's important to be ready for whatever might happen - always have your paperwork in order (bank accounts, life insurance, important documents), always plan ahead for things that might happen and need to be done, start saving money (there's going to be a point where you will need savings - whether it's for care packages to his units or an unexpected car repair), and make sure things are taken care of.

As far as the deployment goes - the first thing you want to bear in mind is that your husband does not need any additional stress. So while you might want to vent about what such-and-such said, or how you had an unexpected bill or something, don't bug him with that stuff while he's deployed unless it's an absolute emergency. Reason being, there's nothing he can do about it from Iraq, and it'll just add unnecessary worry to his day.

To show him you're thinking of him, send him mail often - letters, care packages, cards, emails, etc. Let him know how things are going, what you've been up to, how everyone's doing. Send lots of photos, so while he's missing out on a lot of things, he won't feel completely left out and isolated from his family.

Answer 5

Some advise from a retired Army Sergeant Major.
I went through four wives in 30 years of Military service. The military is an unkind place for married people.
Some things to ponder....
While you are married to a military man, the Army will always dictate what he does and where he does it. He can be sent away to missions for training while stationed in the US, and those can be extensive. He will be required to stay on base at times despite your needs for companionship. Many important events like birthdays and anniversaries will be spent apart. If you have children, they will often be conceived when dad is at home, and born while he is away. Things like their first words and steps will be missed.
In a nut shell, life will not be the happy one envisioned by most with a nice little house with a picket fence and flowers. You will have to remain strong to endure the military, and the moves to new duty stations and the long overseas deployments will have to be tolerated for your marriage to succeed.
The rewards in the end can be substantial. Now that I am retired with 75% of my pay, and have used by benefits to get a graduate degree, My current wife and I live well, are assisted with medical and commissary privileges, space available travel, and a wealth of international experiences. Would we do it all over again, I say yes, my wife says, hell no!

Answer 6

I think the most important thing is to learn as much about the Army as you can. It's really a whole new world, and there will be so much you don't understand. Ask your husband questions, and try to understand as much about how things work as possible. In my experience, the wives who know what's going on fare much better than the ones who take a "hands off" approach. It may be his job, but it will completely envelope your life, so you might as well enjoy it. The other thing I would do to be a "good" Army wife is be really understanding about the pressure his job puts on him. When we first got married, I was a pain in the butt about how he always had to work late or on weekends or go away to the field. It took me a while to realize how ignorant I was being and how much unnecessary stress I was causing him. We are much happier now that I am not so crazy about his hours. It's hard to get used to, but you'll both be happier if you do. Understand that his time is not his own, especially as an E-4, and that other people tell him when to come and go. He wants to be home with you, but someone higher ranking than him has told him he can't. I just learned how to keep dinner warm and entertain myself in the evenings when he's not there. Besides, it's good practice for when he's deployed.

Also, I would really think long and hard about whether or not to move "home" during his deployment. I've done deployments both ways, and I found that being near other military families makes it a lot easier. At home, I felt like a freak show. There were no other Army wives nearby and I got these crazy looks whenever people found out. Plus the questions - nosy, ignorant, stupid questions from EVERYONE. Don't you miss him? (Uh, yeah.) What is it like when he's gone? (How do you even begin to describe what it's like to have your husband half a world away getting shot at?) What would you do if something happened to him? (Collect big on his life insurance - that answer always shuts them up!) My husband travels for business, I know what you're going through. (No, you don't, now leave me alone.) Plus, if your husband is planning on making a career out of the Army, you might as well get used to living alone, far from family now. What about when you have kids in school? You can't really move home then. It's easier to get used to is sooner rather than later. It's ultimately your decision, but I would definitely wait until closer to his deployment to decide.

I can't really help you on Ft Riley because we've never been there. From what I understand, it's not too high on the list of great duty stations, but there are definitely worse places to be. We lived in Ft Polk, LA - what many people refer to as "the armpit of the Army." It was pretty bad, but every duty station is what you make of it. Go into it with a positive attitude and look for the good in it, and you'll be a lot happier.

Answer 7

Although having your family close can be helpful, keep in mind by staying at Fort Riley, you will be better connected and staying in the loop with everything going on. The FRG can be your best resource. So if you do go home, make sure they can contact you. Also, make sure the Rear D has all of your info. just incase something happens. Make a plan to mail care packages 1-2 times a month. Lots of letters. My husband and I wrote every day the first deployment of our marriage. Once he gets to where he wil be located then they may have internet, you can IM him any time he is off duty. Make sure he has numbers for everybody in your family, just incase he can't reach you as well.
But mostly stay as involved in the troop as possible. They will be planning all of the events, returning home parties, family get togethers etc...If you have any other questions feel free to email me.

Answer 8

Well I know a few people that are dealing with that issue right now. And it is a tough one, it takes two very strong people! I know they have a show out called army wives, you could probably get some really good advice from there. As for books, I love a man in uniform: A memoir of love, war, and other battles, its really good. I have always loved the Chicken Noddle Soup series and they have one for Military wifes! Check it out! Good Luck!! Be strong! :)

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Answer 9

I am an Army wife-have been almost 3 years. My husband is currently in Iraq, has been for about 7 months. I can tell you that this is a tough job(yes, a job!) Advice I would give-When he is in the field, or out late training, be very understanding. I've seen a lot of wifes freak out, *****, complain and even cheat because their hub is gone alot. He will probably be tired often and want to relax, so be caring. After he deploys....Send him a care package once a month- Even if he says he doesnt need anything. I send slippers, Dr. scholls gels for his shoes(really shows you care)homebaked cookies, protein bars for when he cant go to chow. Lovey mushy letters in each package!socks(my hsband says there are no quality socks out there. Little things like that. If you call the post office 800 number, ask them for the #4 military care package, they send you free priority flat rate shipping boxes, tape, customs forms, and address stickers for free! as many times as you want. Make sure every holiday you send him a themed box of stuff....I made my husband a scarp book of our kids and us for him to take with him. Depending on what camp he goes to in Iraq, he may not be able to call often, and try not to take it personally, tell yourself you know how busy he is. Try not to talk about his work situation when you do get to talk to him, also.Whatever you do remember how much you love this man-You may have to remind yourself often and good luck.If you ever wanna talk im cherokee_pimpstress on ym and its my yahoo email.
Dont end up on that wall of shame

Answer 10

why would you go home? I am a military spouse and home is wherever we are sent. I dont go back to mommy and daddy during deployments. As far as advice about being a military spouse? Make sure you behave in a mature way, pay your bills, help out in the unit, do some volunteering on post, be patient and remember that the army dictates when and where your husband will be.