Would you stay in a bad relationship for the sake of your children?

Answer 1

No!Absolutely not.

Answer 2

I wouldn't. Kids pick up on things without our realizing it.

Children of both sexes are actually harmed by their parents staying in bad marriages or relationships "for the childrens' sake". That's how you end up with boys becoming men who take advantage of the women in their lives, or abuse, who are emotionally unattatched, or sometimes who have unhealthy views of their own mothers (I personally know of a boy whose mother talked to him like a grown man from the time he was a small child, just because her own husband was awful).

It's also how you get girls growing up having the "stand by your man" attitude with total losers, or worse, who feel like being abused or disrespected is "normal".

Granted, this isn't always the case. Some kids benefit from having both parents around, even if the parents have an unhealthy relationship. Some kids have problems after the parents split.

The best case scenario, of course, is that you and your spouse/mate could work things out and get to enjoy a wonderful marriage. It's possible. My husband and I were on the brink of divorce a year and a half ago, and it's been A LOT of work and effort, but we're doing really really well now, probably better than we did even before we started having real troubles.

I think the important thing is to respect your husband/mate/baby daddy, whatever you call him, and to have his respect. I think it would be healthier for a child to have a "broken" family where the adults are at least able to be cordial (or even friendly) to one another when their children are involved, than to have parents unhappily married and living under the same roof but who hate each other.

It's been my experience that the kids are GOING to be put in the middle if the parents stay married but are visibly unhappy in their relationship. Too many (moms especially) start turning their own children against the other parent from early on. I vividly remember a cousin, whose parents were in a bad relationship, saying he hated his dad when he was four years old, based solely on what he saw of his parents' relationship and what my aunt had said to him.

Answer 3

THis is a really difficult question without knowing why the relationship is bad.

Extreme case (IE someone is abusive, physically or emotionally) Absolutely not, at this point its best to get the child into a loving environment away from the negative impact that an abusive parent / adult can bring into their lives.

But if the relationship is strained for other reasons (slow sex life, difficult time communicating, spark as left, not alot in common, having a hard time relating)

Thats all the norm when children come into play, and that can and should be worked on. Marriage isn't something you get into and out of like underwear, its something that needs to be worked on, and can't be taken for granted.

And communication is the key from both parties, if something makes you unhappy then speak your mind about it.

Answer 4

This question totally hits a nerve with me. Spent 8 years practicing in family court and I wish I could communicate to you what monstrous stories happen because of this nonsense belief that somehow enduring a bad relationship makes children better off.

This has little to do with children's welfare, and everything to do with mom who is usually fearful/embarrassed/unsure of how to face the world on her own. In the ideal world all children will have two loving parents, but things aren't always like that in real life. Sure it isn't easy to be a single mother, but the ball's in your court. If your children suffer any physical or emotional harm because you didn't leave a bad situation, guess who will be to blame? They can't make the best choice for themselves, so it's your job the ensure that the atmosphere in the house is healthy and happy.

Answer 5

In my religion if a woman divorces her husband she loses custody of all children over the age of 6 years old so yes I'd stay in a bad relationship so as not to lose my children.

Answer 6

All too often people equate a "bad relationship" with "I'm not happy". That's LIFE!

If he's beating you, using drugs (and I mean strung out, not a couple of drinks on the weekend), screaming profanity every day (if you're doing this, you should be ashamed), or touching the kids inappropriately, THEN you need to get out.

Otherwise, grow up.

And cheating ain't a good reason to leave, for either parent. Especially if the cheater is a good parent and provider. You can split after the kids are grown. Everyone just needs to put their freakin kids first.

That's my 2 cents.

Answer 7

Yes, but I would also work to make my marriage better. Woman's Day Magazine has an article this month that found that unhappy couples who manage to stay married for five more years rate their marriages as happy.

Try these books: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Ten Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships both by Dr. Laura.

I believe the only reasons that justify a divorce are abuse, addiction, and adultry.

Answer 8

Absolutely not. Because think about what you're really teaching your children by example: Depending on how bad it is, (is he verbally or physically abusive? alcoholic or drug addict? etc), your children will grow up probably repeating the very pattern you are perpetuating.

You don't have to react with hatred or vengeance against your spouse, but you are not under obligation to remain in a hopeless, abusive or loveless situation because there are children involved. Instead, why don't you teach them how to forgive, how to live by the standards that are important to you, and how to love and be loved. Or you can teach them how to be really stoic while living a lie and dreading each day......

Home should be a safe and loving haven for everyone, and THAT is the lesson you want to teach, if that is how you want your children to live when they become adults.

Good luck to all of you -

Answer 9

You know an older friend of mine said that you have to give the children's father a chance to raise them. On that advice I tried to do just that and It turned out to be the worst thing I could have ever done. Never make yourself miserable or the children. For the kids to see arguing and fussing is not good. Always do what is best for your kids. Do not stay if it is bad. The kids will understand when they are older if you decide to explain it to them.

Answer 10

No, you can hurt a child far more by staying in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship. Children receive most of their emotional programming by the time they are seven years old. Think of what they are learning when they watch their unhappy parents.
They would be far healthier if people could fight in a way that is healthy, and divorce without theatrics and malice if not.

Answer 11

No! Sometimes it is worse on the children if the relationship is bad... I know my parents were better off getting a divorce. They would have killed each other had they tried to stay together for us..