Would You?

Question

me and my b/f are planning on getting married in about a year...he asked me to move to new jersey with him so he can work with his dad...i dont know if i can leave my family...i would be all alone out there (i live in cali) and i dont think it is fair to ask me to give up everything..i love him but it's scary...would you?

Answer 1

Wow! Tough one. I don't know how old you are or where you are in life so it's a little hard giving advice. Yes, it is scary, but you know what, sweetie? It's going to be scary at times. Relationship is going to be about taking risks. You risked yourself when you gave your heart to him, and there's going to be more times in the future where the two of you have to take risks together.

Talk to your family. How do they feel? Get your family to give you some guidance. They've seen you and this man and seen how the two of you are together. Do they think this risk is worth taking?

In the end, you will have to judge whether this relationship will be the one that leads you to a family. Dating is one thing. Engagement and commitment is another.

Once you are committed to building a life together, things get hard and scary at times. You have to eventually leave your parents' home and build a life with your fiance and husband. That's where your new home is going to be. It's scary and exciting at the same time. You will move depending on where life takes you. Finding an ideal place where both of you are close to families and both have meaningful jobs is VERY hard. Something will usually have to give. If he has meaningful employment and a future and he loves you and will be committed to starting a life together with you, then it's not unreasonable for him to ask. Yes, it is a lot to ask, but it's not an unreasonable thing for a husband/wife (yes I'm thinking the two of you as husband and wife). He should respect you enough to take your decision and feelings into consideration. He shouldn't pressure you or fault you if you decide you aren't ready. You are the one that have have to give up a lot. If he's all insistant and lays down an ultimatum, well then you have your answer about how he respects you.

This is going to be hard for you. It's going to wrack your emotions and brain. There will probably be times that you will second guess your decision and be homesick. I hope he's the caring kind of man that if you do decide to join him that he would help do anything and everything to make it easier for you. You, in the end, have to decide if your relationship with this man is promising or worth the risk.

One last consolation: if you do decide to take a risk and it doesn't work out, I'm sure your family will welcome you with open arms. Unlike other things in life, a move is reversible.

Good luck sweetie :)

Answer 2

I would follow you anywhere, no matter what is to be !
Bull ! N O T N E W J E R S E Y !!!!!!!!!
I feel so sorry for you, falling in love with this guy and then he wants you to move to NJ - from California - Babie there is just no way. It really is that much different, and the people are like you have never meet. It won't be long before you start singing that old Moms and Paps Song " California Dreamin"

Have Fun - and follow your heart girl !