Stuck between husband and overbearing father.?

Question

My father owns a business that I have worked at for almost five years. I run the day to day operations and have been "groomed" to take over the business some day. Recently my husband came to work for the company. We thought it would be a good situation because we plan on having children soon and this would give us flexibility with our work schedules. Well my father is all over him, watching his every move, being very hard on him and being condescending and rude. We are afraid we've made a bad decision but if he backs out and quits now it will prove my fathers point and give him the upper hand again. The two of them are very different, I believe my father does not respect him. My dad is a perfectionist and my husband is much more laid back. I don't know what to do, I feel like my family is falling apart and now I am stuck in the middle. If my husband quits he will be unemployed and my father will not respects even more. Any advice would really help .

Answer 1

If at all possible, have hubby and daddy sit down together and map out expectations and goals. You dad may be trying to see how tough your hubby is and if he can handle tough situations, but I don't think that is the way to go about doing it. You may want to sit down with your dad and let him know what you see and ask if it is necessary to be so hard on yuor husband. It is tough being in the middle, as you obviously love both the men in your life, but ultimately, it is THEIR problem to work out and your support in whatever decision they make is important. If your hubby does not work out with your dad, it does not mean he is a failure, just that the two are not compatible in business matters. And your father will only have the upper hand if your husband lets him. I personally would rather have hubby quit and find another job and save the family relationships. It really comes down to priorities, and getting it ironed out before the children arrive would be important in my opinion. Professional counseling is also an option, but my experience is men do not like that option. Good luck with your situation. p.s. daddy may also be testing to see if the man taking care of his little girl is up to the job, both with his little girl and with his business. After all, your father loves you and wants the best for you and wants to make sure someone will love and take care of you well after he is gone.

Answer 2

Well I can say you are stuck, but you and your husband should sit down and talk to your dad, and tell him how you feel, and tell him by watching your husband every move makes a person really nervous, and if they want the job done right he needs to stop, and if the talk don't work. maybe your husband should find another job , he does not need to be watch like a child. he is an adult. and if your father thinks it proves his point , let it, he doesn't respect your husband now. what makes you think he ever will. you have to think of your family. and how your husband feels. before your dad, your husband is part of your life now. show him be on his side. good luck.

Answer 3

Definitely, a tough situation, because of the family ties. Your husband being a passive temperment, are usually tolerant individuals, even under pressure (amazing!). If he can continue to manage, balancing the differences respectfully & peacefully (as he has), between himself & father-in-law, then I'd hang in there, giving your father's dominance a little more time to relax or subside. Othewise, you both need to communicate or negotiate to resolve issues, that would create a peaceful, respectful environment, for everyone to work in, would be the ultimate. If not, then, your husband may have to consider searching for a new job.
Peace & Happiness 2 you & your family!

Answer 4

I would probably treat this on a professional level. You need to understand the reasons WHY your father is treating him in this manner...and you need to make your father aware that this is becoming a very sensitive issue. I don't know what kind of a business your father currently operates, nor do I know what your husband does or if he has had any formal education in what he is currently doing for work.

One way to look at it is, this is between your husband and father. If your father is being unreasonable (what is he getting on your husband about? What kind of position is your husband in? Is it a potentially business threatening position? Your father may be seriously worried about whether your husband is going to run his business that he has built up, into the ground. That is a very serious worry. How old is your husband? 20? 30? 40? This has significant impact as well...we are more mature about things as we grow older.

If your father has serious concerns about your husband's capability, your father needs to tell you now. Your father may not want to voice specific concerns since that might be very upsetting to you. Your father may not be wanting to fire your husband, for fear of losing you.

You all need to sit down in a serious meeting and discuss these things openly (this may only be a meeting between your father and yourself--and don't get into a heated argument...it must be a professional argument, one that is professional...you need to understand your father's concerns and work from there)--have someone, like a human resource director...or someone that has an unbiased opinion, that can act as a guide/coach/ref. It is ultimately important, not to just your relationship as a family...but for your organization, as well.

The highest cause of failure in businesses (and relationships) is lack of communication.

Answer 5

Your husband should quietly look for another job, THEN quit. Only after he has the new job can you tell your father that your husband is leaving because he refuses to be treated this way.

I used to work with my father and I had to give it up because he would bring private arguments into the office and office arguments to family functions. It wasn't healthy. Now my brother works with him and has the same complaints.

There is also a chance that your overbearing father feels threatened by your husband because he still wants to be the main authority figure in your life. By putting your hubby down he's making himself look better in comparison. That is EXTREMELY unhealthy. You might both need to change jobs so your father isn't manipulating you both.

Hubby working for Daddy is a bad idea - lesson learned - now get him outta there!

Answer 6

I believe that you "teach people how to treat you" I would sit down with your dad and in a loving tone tell him that maybe your husband working with the business was not such a good idea because it is causing tension at home and work. Also to your dad that you love them both too much to see this continue. I say your husband should find another job and then join you when the timing is better. I feel bad for you hubby being put down like that..a blow to his manhood.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

Tell your husband he has your support 100%, sit down with your dad and say you have noticed the way he is hard on your husband and that you understand why (cos your his little girl!), but ask if he could balance his behaviour and really praise your husband where praise is due, explain that he is different to you and works in a different way- which is why you compliment eachother so well- Point out that you love them both dearly and want everyone to be happy - good luck

Answer 8

Who cares what your dad thinks? Why is it important for you husband to jump through hoops to impress a man who does not respect him anyway. As his wife, I would be sit down good ole dad and tell him what for ! No one is allowed to disrespect my husband in my family. My husband is my family. So, I think if your dad is not willing to give your husband a fair shake then he should quite, but be sure when he does that you give your dad nothing. No need to explain it or justify it or spell out why, your dad already knows what he has been doing. Your husband is allowing himself to be abused and for what the respect of a man who so disrespectful to the father of his grand children? I think I have made my feeling clear enough and you have placed yourself in the middle. That is where you have chosen to be in the middle of two grown men posturing for who is better and who is the man. Step out and let the two men deal with it themselves.
Tracylyn S

Answer 9

Tell your husband to keep doing his job. Your father just wants to make sure your husband has what it takes to run the business and take care of his baby girl. Your father wouldn't put the time and energy into giving your husband a hard time if he didn't think he could do it...he would just fire him.

Answer 10

It hardly ever works out when a couple works together under any circumstances. He should keep the job and go find another better job in the mean time. When he quits and says he makes more money to support you with, your dad will have to respect that i think. Good Luck !!