What do men REALLY think?

Question

As a recently sepereated 24 year old mother of 3 small children, the thought of dating scares the crap out of me. I'm very intimidated to tell men that i have 3 kids.. since i am so young, they NEVER expect it, and its usually a deal breaker.

BTW, they all have the same father. And i'm not looking for a father for them. I am just looking to date and get to know someone and eventually find someone accepting of me and MY children.

Answer 1

Well the first thing out of your mouth should NOT be "Mother of 3".

You surely realize that "instant family" is not on the agenda of most of the men who show an interest in you.

Here's the deal. It's JUST a date with another adult. Go have a nice time. There are probably things about the man that make it a deal breaker for YOU, so don't expect that you are the only one showing up with some un-announced baggage.

Maybe he still lives with his parents; he may have children from another relationship as well. A date does not start with "dump all your negatives on the table right now".

Answer 2

I married a women with four kids and each kid had a different father! no BS. i had just got divorced and i was on unemployment and i got a job as a bartender (under the table_) and I was 32 and brand new and she was 40..long story short the kids were great except for SAM and he was not that bad once I got to know him...two girls Trina and Roxanne...the youngest was 11 and you know how they are at that age! Well we all survived and I look back as those were the happiest days of my life. MY wife got a job at Ford Motor Co..and she actually forced me to get a factory job there too..but now we are both retired and I thank her everyday for getting my head out of my @#$ and getting to make something of myself..I had two kids two and a step child from my first marriage..to tell you the truth my i love my step kids more then i do my own..its not right that i feel this way but really birth is just an incident its whats after birth that counts...take a chance ..but whatever you do stay away from druggies and alcohol and cons and ex cons...OK? find a man who will love you and the kids like you want to be loved.

Answer 3

This is NOT an easy question to answer. Contrary to popular belief, most men are considerably more complicated than they seem.

Society teaches us to be consummate man-whores to find and nail every woman possible. But, in the end, men who follow that path invariably end up alone.

So, in some ways, telling guys early on that you have 3 kids will tend to weed out the obvious jerks.

Unfortunately, you must sleep in the bed that you made. The fact that you have 3 children at 24 is a result of choices that you made. You shouldn't be ashamed of those choices, but they are choices that will place certain limitations on your future, but they may also create opportunities.

Your first and foremost responsibility is to your children. If you've decided to raise them alone, then perhaps dating isn't the best idea. If you'd like to find a partner to help you raise them, then shouldn't that be something you share early on in a relationship?

If all you need is a man for the night, then why would it matter?

Ultimately, it sounds like you're not so much afraid of men, but you're afraid of yourself.

You should start by being confident in who you are and the choices that you've made. That will make your path clearer to you.

Answer 4

Be honest about your kids when you date someone, if the guy won’t accept the fact that you have 3 kids then he is not worth your time any way. Guys that don’t like kids are normally jerks anyway. Unfortunately for women that’s a lot of guys but that’s a totally different question. If he really likes you it wont bother him that you have kids. I would also look for a older guy like 30’s or so. Being a single parent male or female always makes it harder to date. It’s not impossible just harder.

Answer 5

If they are turned away when you tell them you have three children then it was not meant to be. NEVER get discouraged by this. Never see your children as a burden when it comes to mommy dating again. They should come before any man. Your top priority, as a mother, is to your little ones. You will be able to date again and you will find a man who will love you and your kids. I am confident of that.

Everything will be fine. I wish you the best!

Answer 6

"Honesty is the best policy"... well that's not entirely true...

"Honesty is the best policy when talking about your best qualities" is more like it. You're not being deceptive, you're just waiting until you get to know someone to tell them.

It will be difficult because you are so young but the right guy will come along. Get out there, let yourself have fun and establish a relationship, and see how he feels about it.

Having 3 little kids by yourself is tough, so good luck and allow yourself a break every now and then! Allow yourself to be pampered! :)

Answer 7

in today's era,it's comes to no surprise. it's not a bad thing either. but 4 the most part,this is where u separate the boys from the men. hey,look at it like this,if a guy accepts u having 3 kids and your're feeling him,then he's probably a keeper,who knows.

Answer 8

You will find that it is a long term relationship deal breaker. Even with no children, dating really s u c k s/ed.

Answer 9

i have dated such girls , it dosen't bother me ,cause i love kids. i 'm just that way, to me younger guys hear the word kids, and they don't want nothing to do with you , cause they think you want them as a daddy. but some (not all) older men , like me , don't care, they are there for you, and the kids are a bouns.kind of like a bigger friend to them. keep your chin up, theres more of us out there.

Answer 10

Try dating men a little older than you, maybe men in their 30's. They might be more accepting of that.