I have been attending grad school in a new city for a couple of months. Sometimes I feel like socializing, but usually every other week I find myself wanting to be alone and not reaching out to others. I feel too emotionally tired to make the effort. Whenever I have tried to make friends, people usually don't seem that interested. When they do finally start reaching out, it's as if I've waited so long that I'm indifferent to them and I don't try to reach back. Yet sometimes I feel terribly lonely and wish I had a close friend. I vacillate between feeling satisfied with a solitary life and wishing my social life were better. Are these mood swings normal? How can I get myself to reach out when I don't feel like it?
2007-02-06 05:14:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Graduate school is HARD and I think that may be part of your problem. If you were in your hometown, I bet you would be able to find time to socialize even though you are very busy. However, the energy required to MAKE friends and then socialize is great. You may not have the energy left to do this.
Yes, the mood swings are normal, but please be careful. I had a situation when I had to "isolate" myself to get things done. Then when something bad happened in my life (the death of my mother); I isolated myself even more and eventually went into a deep depression. I am not saying this will happen to you, but please be aware of the possibility. When you have not been social for a time, then there are no people to force you to have social interaction if a problem develops.
When someone does reach out, make yourself go ahead and see them for a short time. If someone asks about lunch or a movie and you do not have time for that, suggest getting coffee or a soft drink instead. You must be very disciplined if you are in grad school so tackle this problem the same way. Make a commitment that you will go out once a week then increase this gradually.
Good luck to you and work not to let this get you down.
2007-02-06 05:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
grad school is a huge undertaking. So give yourself a bit of a break on the moods and don't be hard on yourself.
I'm thinking with the 2 months of time you've already had..... (& please do not take this the wrong way) ..... that your field of study is not related to the study of people and how they interact.... but perhaps say - - - physics...
please, please understand....... i use that example because I'm a teacher involved with students and teachers in those and other disciplines.
it would seem that a group of friends at least on the same campus would be ideal. if you have not already look to yahoo groups and see if there is one on your campus.
If not create for yourself a yahoo 360 profile and start a group for your campus.
After that, I would contact student life and see what kind of contact info you can get for all the grad students & make some calls.
certainly they will understand the contstraints of time and feeling over the focus on studies and personal time & the pool would be a resource for when you .... say felt like ice cream, could make a couple calls and have a small group ready.
hope this helps..... & if you feel comfortable, let me know how it goes & if i can be of any further help.
2007-02-06 05:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by dharp66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is because you are mature and most socializing is immature for the most part. Socializing is fluff for people who accomplish things in their lives. Socializing is important and it becomes important in life to do it with quality just as the life you prefer to live. People that socialize too much often accomplish little. Figure out your niche for where and with whom you will socialize. There are alot of idiots that push us farther from socializing. Your second answer is a prime example. Idiots will give you more of a reason to isolate. Don't be a snob and a recluse because you lack social skills. You do have to socialize in order to know how. People can often tell when you are lost amongst them. "You don't get out much do you?" I am sure you will or have heard that if you fail to chew the cud with the multitude. Make socializing a carefully chosen event, make it the best you can like everything else. Force yourself to join a club or take a class in something enjoyable for a start. Don't look to parties and bars. Most of those people are losers. Even the ones that appear successful that spend too much time in bars are lacking in something and that is why they are there. Don't let a doctor prescribe medication for this. In the long run medication will hurt you mentally and physically. Go for a walk right now.
2007-02-06 05:25:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU LIKE YOURSELF! and that's a really GOOD thing!
It's difficult to attend school, make time to socialize and have some free ME time. Time alone isn't being antisocial it's necessary for having a good relationship with ourselves and that in my opinion makes us better people.
The objective is to keep it in perspective. That can be difficult if you really enjoy being alone. There is a huge difference between ALONE and being LONELY.
Blessed are those that can be alone and never be lonely!
If you want your social life to improve you'll have to make the effort. Have a little gathering for some of your friends and make an evening of it. Dinner and a movie or charades. With wine/cheese or whatever you enjoy.
You can do this and still have your 'down' time. You're going to have to practice being a bit more attentive to others needs/feelings though. It can only bless your life.
Good Luck
2007-02-06 05:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by Knuckledragger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think your having trouble being in a new city.Getting adjusted to a new place is alot of work and it can be very stressful. Start out slow,maybe just invite a couple people for a cup of coffee.Studies are a good ice breaker.Start off with a chat session about how hard that last paper was, then ease your way into a social atmosphere.The longer you shut yourself off, the harder it will be to get back in there. Just take it slow.
2007-02-06 05:26:23 · answer #5 · answered by dynamite136 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm in the same situation gurl...i am actually trying to change my environment coz i couldnt socialize with my collegemates... so i'm like staying out of college...u're an introvert i guess like me... Introverts like being alone but like normal human beings, need people too.... i have mood-swings too which lead to my break-up with my ex-gf... i'm still trying to solve my problem too... they say u need to talk to some counselor about this coz mood-swings are really serious... the bad thing is that it make it hard for other people to be around u... it doesnt juz affect us... so i'm like going thru some therapy..... hopefully it works out
2007-02-06 06:07:45 · answer #6 · answered by ramzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take a hold on yourself.
It may be more. Maybe your diet and exercise is not enough. A low body does funny things.
2007-02-06 05:19:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
U R SO CRAZY
2007-02-06 05:21:51 · answer #8 · answered by RED ROSE 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋