How can I bond with my dog?

Question

I adopted a dog about six months ago. She is a very sweet, well-trained dog. I take care of her very well, but I don't find myself liking her very much. I grew up with dogs and always liked them, although I considered myself more of a cat person (I have a couple of cats and I can't get enough of them). At first, I was very excited about her. But, now I just find myself routinly caring for her, but not really wanting her around. She is a very needy dog and requires a lot of attention. She has also chewed up some things, as I know dogs will. But I found myself more angry then was reasonable, although please don't think I laid a hand on her. I feel like I have a responsiblity to her, and everyone else who knows her, loves her. Are there ways that you can bond with an animal, or should I just find her a new home? Rationally, I know she is a great dog, but I just can't seem to love her. She is very attached to me, but I can't share that sentiment, though I would like to. Help!

Answer 1

I had this same thing occur and I really feel for you. In utter frustration I contacted a dog behavior therapist. The shelter you adopted her from will have some people handy or contact www.barkbusters.com. This company is what I used finally. They are a national franchise. It was a bit pricey, 400 bucks, however that is for lifetime of the dog and like I said I was desperate. They come to your house and work with you constantly to assist you in bonding.

I suspect if your situation is anything like mine; it's the clingying-ness that is annoying. And it is. And that is sort of watershed to the relationship. She may indeed be the sweetest thing, and well trained but that constant need for affection from you could drive anyone out of their skull. The trainer spent time with me, then with Ginger and then all three of us worked together. The biggest thing that I had to do was be consistent in walking her. That is a large part of bonding and trust for me and Ginger.

If in the end you still chose to give her up, don't worry about it. Console yourself in knowing you tried very hard to work with her for you to bond and it didn't work. Find her a home that you know she'll be happy in. Perhaps one of those people that is in your inner circle would adore having her.

Another thing to consider is perhaps it may not all be an issue with 'bonding' per se. Perhaps you may be experiencing some signs of clinical depression and that may be hindering your ability to bond as well. If so, please consider seeing your doc and saying 'hey--lately I haven't been myself'. But that is only something you know and it may not be the case.

No matter what, you will make the right decision.

Many hugs!

Answer 2

Lots of play and grooming usually helps you bond with your dog, but in this case i don't think you ever will have that special bond as you don't seem to WANT to love her. Its good that you came on here to ask for advice instead of giving up on her. Its great that you look after her but owning an animal isn't just about the care, they need love. I do feel its only fair that if you can't give her the love she needs i guess it is best to find her a home where she would get that love. Am sure there is someone out there who will love to have her and will appreciate her being around.
If you do plan to adopt her make sure you give her to the right owners, if not try an organisation such as Dogs Trust, who will take her in and find her a loving new home.

Answer 3

If she already knows basic obedience, I recommend teaching her to do tricks like roll-over, shake hands, sit pretty, etc. Tricks are a good way to bond with your dog.

Definitely exercise and play with her. To me, this is pretty much what dogs are all about. Active dogs make great jogging partners, and she can help you to be more active. You could teach her to fetch, since this is a lot of fun for the dog and the fun for you is watching her do all the work. If she's really active, she might like to learn frisbee. If you can get her involved in dog activities like flyball, agility, sledding, or others like it, you might find yourself having a lot more fun with her.

It's doing fun stuff that really makes you bond with a dog. You just need to find something that both you and the dog like, but remember to be patient and never ask too much of her when trying a new activity. Sometimes just petting your dog while watching a movie is a good way to bond.

But if you really don't care for the dog after trying all these things, remember that a dog is a commitment that lasts for 12 years or more. Please consider re-homing her as a last resort.

Answer 4

Love is the glue that will bond you to your dog - or visa versa. Never treat the dog as a human child, but still, love the look at the dog as a child in the sense that she is reliant on you for food, shelter and affection.

Take the time to set down with her - literally eye to eye. Look into those eyes and see the love. See the love, feel the love - and you cant help but return the love.

And you know what. I don't know a parent that hasn't at some point lost patience with their child and said, "Go to you room!" -or- "Do that one more time and you're in trouble..." and we pull out the thumbscrews, trepanning devices and the stretch-racks and..... I'M KIDDING! about the thumbscrews and torture equipment, as tempting as that can be. =o)

If you don't have time for your dog - find her a new home but don't take her to an animal shelter where she will most likely be put to death for doing nothing more than just wanting affection.

Answer 5

Honestly, if you aren't a dog person, you aren't a dog person. Dogs bond very easily to their humans; it's harder for humans to bond as it's a more emotional experience for them - dogs will bond with anyone who feeds them and pays attention to them, even in an abusive situation. However, as humans you can't force yourself to love something. You may find that as time goes on, you grow more and more attached to her and begin to even love her, but it's not something that can be hurried and it's not something you can make happen.

I would first see if any friends or family members who would provide a more loving home would be willing to adopt the dog from you. I would refrain from taking her to a shelter, unless you know the one in your area is a no-kill shelter. You have a responsibility to her to ensure that she is safe and in a good home. If you know someone who can provide that, then by all means see if they would be willing to take her into their homes. If not, I would continue to care for her until I found someone who would do so. I would not sell her in the newspaper or on Craigslist or anything like that, as you have little control over her end situation, just as I wouldn't take her to a shelter (I'm sure you would hate to see her euthanized because they don't have the space for her).

Answer 6

At the moment u seem to be more inclined towards cats and thereis no comparison at all.Dogs give unconditional love.cats get attached to the house while dogs follow the master.Try to move with the dog when u r depressed u will find soothing effect.If u start cuddling her u will be surprised why u didnot know her qualities earlier.u must also understand every pet has a limitation.In any case dont neglect her please.Take some more time and u will get attached to her-sure.Everything is in ur mind only.

Answer 7

I wonder if you should take up some kind of obedience training or dog dancing so you can become closer.

I think it was brave of you to acknowledge this difficulty - you can take steps to put it right, or as someone already suggested, find a more loving home for her.

I hope things work out for you both.

Answer 8

i dont think that u shud try to find her qa new home just yet, especially if SHE loves YOU! she deserves more of a chance. it's prob hard to take care of that kind of puppy--all of her needs, but it's part of the responsibility and if u dont tihnk that u can handle that u shud prob give her to someone who can. someone who CAN appritiate her. But i would suggest you open yourself up to her more and do something you love to do with her--such as going to the beach or taking a relaxing walk. try to spend more time with her and im sure ull start to love and appritiate her like she does to you. she wil grow out of the chewwing things up stage--my dog did in a few months, but until then prepare urself and try to keep things away from her. because its always hard taking care of a puppy but if u do it right u will have WONDERFUL experiences with her as a dog.

keep it up, good luck!

Answer 9

Take your dog to the park, or on walks more often. If you still feel the same way about her I would give her to a loving family maybe with kids (because your dog seems loving).

Answer 10

Find your dog a new home. Sounds like she is such a wonderful dog. I wonder why you cannot love her? Sounds like she is so eay to love.