Am I wrong?

Question

my grown children has nothing to do with me or my new wife of 21 years...this has been a problem of many years..i have a will that leaves her everything..but if we both go at the same time 1/3 to each of them and !/3 to my wifes brother as we have no children.
I still love my children who are in their late 30;s but I respect their rights not to do anything with me...am I wrong..my wife supports me in this decesion. she is a good woman who is not jealous of them...My son and daughter are very close to their mother..and thats good as I only want them to be happy

Answer 1

Your will sounds reasonable.

Answer 2

I think that you are right in wanting your children to be happy, but it's obvious that this is bothering you, and you have the right to be happy too. I would think whether they admit it or not, they are bothered by not having a relationship with you too. I would ask them out to dinner or something with just you and them, not your wife. Your wife may be a good woman, but your children may not see this at this point. If they refuse, tell them that you really want them to come, that no matter what they think, you love them. Tell them you would like to talk with them, to clear the air. If they still refuse, sit down and write them both a letter expressing your love and concerns. Whether, they accept it or not, at least you will know that you have done all you can to salvage a relationship with them, and you will feel better about it. Do you think that their mom has turned them against you somehow? In any case, the lines of communication need to opened. As for the will, I would include the children in it equally, whether you and your wife go at the same time or not. Best of wishes!

Answer 3

She's your wife and has been for a long time. It's not like you just met her yesterday and decided to give everything to her. She needs to be supported as your wife and giving your estate to her will do that if you pass before she does. Your children are obviously still having a hard time dealing with your wife. They need to grow up and move on. On the other hand, maybe to help you could will them each some things that are special and that have meaning to them in the case that your wife gets everything. Maybe they're just feeling that their father doesn't value them enough to give them some of his things that they remember from their childhood.

Answer 4

That's a tough spot. My advice would be to leave your will the way it is. I don't know if you're trying to maintain a relationship with your kids despite a lack of effort on thier part; but if they don't want anything to do with you, you probably won't change thier minds. However, you should leave them something anyway to show you care about them. You are also fortunate that you have such a loving wife to support your decisions.

Answer 5

It is highly unlikely that you and your wife wil die at the same time, or even in the same year. So right now, all your money goes to your wife, leaving nothing to your children but the message that she matters more to you than they do.

If you do want to show your love to your children without bothering them, chnage your will to leave half your estate to your wife and a quarter of the estate to each of your children. If they still want nothing to do with you, they can refuse the inheritance and you can put a clause in your will that any rejected amount reverts back to your wife. That way, you've made the offer to your children, but they can still refuse to have anything to do with you if they want.

Answer 6

I don't believe that you're wrong but please consider something. Think forward to when it's your time to leave the earth, are you going to be saying, "I wish I would have had a better relationship with my kids!"? Your marriage of 21 years is important but what about your other relationships of 30+ years with your children? So, I don't think that you're wrong, you just might not be making the most of your situation.

Answer 7

YES YOU ARE WRONG.
I can't understand why you are leaving nothing to your children, unless you pass away at the same time as your new wife.
Love for our children is unconditional and we show our love giving.
I don't want to judge you, but there must be a reason if they have nothing to do with you.
Of course your new wife supports you, she has nothing to lose.
Probably when they felt they "lost" you, they became closer to their mother.
I recommend you analise your behavior and be a better parent, no matter our age we always need to feel the love of our parents.

Answer 8

I can't judge you or your actions and ultimately you need to ask your own conscience if what you are doing is right or wrong. I always thought of giving my kids the items in my life that they seemed to enjoy the most. Seeing as your children don't want to be part of your life I probably wouldn't give them much of anything.

Answer 9

If the only reason you kids won't have anything to do with you is because of the will, they are incredibly selfish. Your will sounds reasonable.
If you want to have a relationship with your kids, acknowledge things like holidays, birthdays, etc. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

No I definitely don't think you are wrong, love hurts and there is always a chance of someone not getting what they want. Your children may not truly understand your choices until they have to deal with it themselves.

Answer 11

why do the not approve of your marriage to your wife? They are grown adults. there isn't much you can do but let them know you love them and hopefully they will come around before it's to late.