my 13 year old daughter got her belly button pierced?

Question

I'm divorced and have custody of my daughter who is 13. Her mother took her this past weekend and got her belly button pierce without my concent. they both knew I would have said no. Any advice would be geat. I'm about to the point to not let her see her mom after this. HELP

Answer 1

You should petition the court for supervised only visitations w/her mother. Most situations like this can be found to be in violation of the terms of the custody agreement. If you have had a history of problems like this then definetly, petition the court.

Answer 2

Well you can ask for supervise vistations, make her take it out because as the main parent you didnt approve and then make sure she doesnt put anything in it to keep it open so it may make you the bad guy but i dont think she should have done it at 13 anyway and besides it be like mom throwing money down the drain for getting it done which would piss mom off. Just talk to your daughter about it and let her know that she cant get her mom to do things with out your knowledge or it could cause mom to go to jail or not let them have visits but at least it wasnt anywhere else on the body and i would halt visits for now so that they all understand it was wrong good luck hon

Answer 3

My question to you is, does she do these kind of things on a regular basis? It really depends on whether this was a one time incident of poor judgment or a reoccurring pattern of bad parenting.

If she's just made a poor judgment call, I would go ahead and discuss the issue with her. Tell her that any major decision about your daughter should be discussed before hand with you. The same goes for you as well. Any major decision that you would make should also be discussed with her mother as well.

However, if this is just another event or incedent of an ongoing problem, I would contact a lawyer and child protective services, immediately. Don't let your daughter go see her mother. If you have to get a temporary restraining order against her mother for your daughter. Good luck!

Answer 4

Wow.... That is ridiculous! Not to mention dangerous. Here in MA there was a mother whose daughter got a terrible infection from having her belly button pierced and almost died, and the mother got put in jail for endangerment, abuse and neglect.

13 is WAY too young to be getting peirced and I don't know what state you are in, but in most states it is illegal to peirce someone that young, even with parental consent.

If I were you I would insist on supervised visitation for a while.

Good luck, and keep an eye on that peircing. Have her wash it with anti-bacterial soap, and put bacitration on it. No peroxide - it does more damage than anything else.

Answer 5

Well your the father, put your foot down. If you let her mother do what she wants when she has her. then you in for a lot of heartache. let the mother know who in charge of her. and that nothing should be done to her without your consent.
Let me ask you this, if she let her have sex and got PG and wanted an abortion, who's to blame. The child is still a minor, so you still have say so over her.
And the mother can also be doing it just to hurt you, or to get back at you. she trying to win the child over you, so she can apply for custody. You might want to think about this. her mother can manipulate her into saying you are doing this or that, and next thing you know you have a sex charge against you.
All the girl need do is say abuse, and you are had.
Kids can be talked into anything,so be carful. and let your daughter know whos in charge.

Answer 6

You have sole physical custody....do you also have sole legal custody? There is a difference. I agree a 13 yr old should not have her belly button pierced. Make her remove it to emphasize the fact such sneakiness and/or outright rule breaking will not be tolerated. If your wife has joint legal custody or visitation rights, you can't withhold her daughter from her. Even if you could, I don't know if it would be right to withhold a daughter from her mother (we don't know your situation here). If your ex is unwilling to work with you, be sure you have the legal right BEFORE you take any actions.

Answer 7

I totally understand your position. But, your daughter has two parents. You should feel fortunate that you have custody, but you'll also understand that there will be somethings that take place during visitations w/mom that you will disagree with. If your daughter's safety and well being is not a factor, then you need to work on a compromise. Children need to have a relationship with both parents. Sometimes it's hard, but you need to do what you can to allow your daughter to develop a relationship w/mom on your daughter's terms. You can't force it and you can't stop it. You can only lend direction when needed. Pick and choose your battles w/mom and try to keep your daughter out of the middle of any conflicts between you and ex-. Your daughter's belly button piercing, I don't think, is "battle worthy". You may not like it, but I'm sure her mom didn't hold her down and make her get it done. Sounds like you may have to be the "adult" in this relationship and that means not letting "mom" get into power plays with you over your daughter. Your daughter is the most important.

Answer 8

First, I'd speak to her doc and see if you can remove it without trouble. For instance, if you take earrings out of her ears, the holes will close up. If there's no problem, I'd take the ring out and let it close up. Then, I'd call my lawyer and see if I could go to court and apply for supervised visits for her mother since she's obviously not to be trusted on her own. Perhaps a letter from your lawyer would do the trick. Make sure they both know your serious and don't forget to punish your daughter in some way for doing something that she knew you would not approve.

Answer 9

the mother was just wrong by letting your 13 year old daughter get her belly button pierced. i would talk to the mother and let her know that if this continues then you will be forced to no let your daughter see her for a while until she is old enough to do things such as pierce her belly button etc...

Answer 10

Now, I know all those bashing the mom will disagree with me on this, but I need to say it. I do agree that not communicating on the issue was wrong, but realistcally, at thirteen, a child can have a large say in who they live with. Dont make this a huge fight cause in the end, if it goes to court there is a chance you could lose custody. Explain to your child that she needs to come to both you and mom if she wanted something like a peircing.Give her a chance to present her case to you before ruling it out. AND PLEASE dont berate her mom. Now that your daughter is becoming independant both physically and in her thoughts and rational, the two of you will have to attempt to provide a united front. Make every effort to establish this relationship. I know exes arent the easiest people to get along with, and there was a reason you got custody in the first place, but from my experience, setting some communication ground rules can make a HUGE difference in preventing disputes such as the one you are facing. At our house the rules are:
1)If it is an emergency, the parent physically with the child makes the decision.
2) If the child asks for something that is expensive, valubale or permanent ( such as a peircing) It must be considerd by BOTH parents.
3) If it is a neccesity, it is obtained
4) If the parents cant agree, it must be dropped for a minimum of 3 months.
Also, The child needs to know these rules to try to avoid only asking the more permissive parent.

These rules work extremely well for us as I have to deal with 2 exes and my fiancee. We have only had one major incident in 2 years.! I hope this helps because you and your ex are so important right now to shaping a healthy well adjusted young women.