am i loosing my son?

Question

OK It's my turn to ask a question, I am in canada and my son is with my x in the usa .... he goes to school in the states and he does his holidays here in canada, as a mother i miss my son to death!! and lately i feel my son has been loosing intrest in his mother he hardly calls me and when i call him he tells me he does not feel like talking ... what can i do to change this , he is 13 years old .. i can not go back to the usa i am a canadian and can not work in the usa help? and thanks

Answer 1

He's a 13year old boy. He's supposed to lose interest in his mother. If you lived with him, you'd experience the same thing.

Answer 2

The truth is you are growing further apart. He is not right there with you, and his life is getting busier here in the USA I am sure. I dought that he does not hate you are dislike you, but he does not see you much and that does make a difference.

On the flip side, he is a teenager, and most boys go through a phase of not wanting their parents to be a part of their daily life, and that will pass. I would say keep writing and calling, and let him decide how long the conversation will last. Do not demand that he talk to you, but do keep calling. If he gets to where he never wants to talk to you on the phone then write, but let him know that you are there.

I know this is hard, I am actually on your sons side of it, I was raised away from my parents. After a time if just felt like they were people I went and visited. I had no real close relationship with them. I often feel that if we would have seen more of each other and wrote that the bond would have been stronger but that was not possible, well the writing was but not the rest.

I wish I had a better answer for you, I don't like to candy coat, but I do wish it was better for you, being a mother I can see how that might would be painful, although I have never delt with it from your perspective.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you!! I have a son that will be 13 in April. That must be hard to have a border between the two of you. All I can say is to make the best of the time you have together.

And I can tell you that even if you lived under the same roof as your son you could be asking the same question. All of my friends and family tell me the same thing. It is part of growing up. At 13 they start this reclusive thing where they love you but they really don't usually want to spend time with you like they use to... They are entering into the teen world where they want to spend time with their friends. Every mother of a teenager that I know starts to feel more like a taxi driver and an ATM more and more as they become teenages. The good news is that I hear that they come back to you. After they get older... I guess I remember it too.. when I was 13 I didn't really want to hang out with my parents... I wanted to be independent and I think that is what this stage of life is all about.

So yeah, you kind of are losing your son, just like every mother... I don't remember where I heard the quote but I've heard that they are never really ours, we just get to borrow them for a while. And man does it hurt when they start to develop into their own people. But he will always need need a loving mom - even if it isn't as easy to recognize as when he was younger

Best of luck to you :)

Answer 4

I say try to ;let your ex let your son visit you in Canada.Don't worry he dosen't love you any less .He is at the puberty age where he dosen't want to feel like a mommys boy and lord only knows what your x is telling him.I am going through the same thing my self.They get over it trust me just give hive him the time and space and make sure you call him at least once a week just to say I
love you and if he says I don't want to talk than ask him just to listen and tell him everything you feel. Kids are not mind readers especially at that age.Hope all goes well for you

Answer 5

He is going through a difficult time and age. He feels resentment for you because you arent around.
Why did you leave the state? Why dont you have custody of him?
There are alot of things we would have to know in order to tell you whats going on.
My advice from what i know.....
Dont give up on him. His age has alot to do with it.
When you get him on holidays, make sure you do all you can to have fun and be a mommy to him.....not a mother.
Talk to him openly and like a man instead of the little boy you wish he still was.
This age is difficult because he is trying to figure out who he really is.
Sounds like the relationship has gone down from something.
Talk to him about sports, the superbowl, and stuff he is interested in. You know him and know his likes.
Because you are not around, he needs you to be a friend more than anything. And yes, you can be both mommy and friend. Dads do it all the time when they only have limited visitation.
Good luck to u.

Answer 6

Teenagers, I have 6 teens get used to it. Mine live in my house and I get this answer all the time. I get to ask three questions and get the answers I am looking for. How was school? Did you do your homework? What are your plans tonight? after that I am considered to be in their face. I hope you see that him be less attainable has nothing to do with you not being in his house. It has to do with him finding who he is right now. The best thing you can do is keep the communications open. Your his mom and you always will be. He loves you and that is not going to change. For now he is looking for space and everything is about his friends and the girls. So, just keep calling and having that one minute conversation and know that is the best you can offer him. Your a good mom for caring about the communications with your teen, To many parents just give up.
Tracylyn S

Answer 7

You are not loosing your son. He is becoming a teenager. What 13 yr old boy shows an interest in his parents. Most of them want a ride to the mall but, you need to drop them off a block away. There interests are video games, girls, and sports. This is hitting you harder because he is not living with you. Try to talk to him about things he is interested in. Keep the subject lite. He will soon come around.

Answer 8

Teens are real hard to figure sweetheart. I had 4 of them at the same time!! Talk about mind boggling!
He's got hormones jumping all over the place. he could also maybe be into drugs and your not aware of it.

Maybe a part of him feels you haven't the time for him. We can't know what their thinking.

How about coming and seeing him more often? You don't have to work to visit!!

Talk to the father. Maybe if you 2 had a easy split, he can talk with the son and see if he notices any changes or behaviors.

Answer 9

I would say don't worry too much about it. Kids his age go through stages and I am pretty sure his dad is probably getting the same medicine you are. There comes a time in their lives when talking to their parents is just not on the list of things to do. Be patient when he is ready to talk.

Answer 10

Probably you would notice this emotional distance even if he was living with you. He's a teenager now, and teenagers tend to be less emotionally dependent on their parents than children are. He is probably sullen and silent even around people he sees everyday - he's going through overwhelming changes right now, and needs reflective time to figure them out.

Just keep talking with him, and don't push him to share with you. He'll talk when he's ready. Just be open and non-critical of whatever he tells you, and he'll be more likely to open up. good luck!

Answer 11

Can you get custody of your son? If not, can you have him come to Canada for the summer months when the kids are out of school? Sorry this is causing you so much pain.