How can I be a happier, less serious person?

Question

I have a history of depression, ADHD, and anxiety. In fact, I take Effexor XR, and it does alleviate a lot of my symptoms. That being said, though, I'm still not exactly happy. During my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, I was constantly bullied. I'm not trying to make myself out to be a victim, but it certainly does leave a mark. I consider myself to be a rather serious, tense person. I also have very few friends, because I'm rather shy and introverted and I usually keep to myself. I guess I'm also what some might term "different". I would like to be a happier, more carefree person and I would like to fit in more easily in groups. How can I achieve this?

Answer 1

I wasn't necessarily bullied as a kid but I was made fun of a few times, laughed at, betrayed, whatever. Stuff that is normal but leaves a mark for sure. I'm very shy and I hate meeting new people. I have a difficult time trusting my own friends for whatever reason. I don't know a lot about ADHD or depression, but I do know that the second something went wrong in my life, I knew exactly who my friends were. They were there for me in a second, listening to me and advising me if I asked. Surprisingly, every single one of my 10 friends were there calling to let me know they were there if I needed them. Be confident that you picked some trustworthy people and start opening up to them. My guess is that the few friends you have don't know much about you. If your friends don't laugh at you or scoff at whatever you tell them and they listen with an open mind, you will probably get a little more confident. It gets lonely and sad in the little world of your mind. It also gets very paranoid. Our minds like to tell us that no one wants to hear what we have to say or that people only pretend to like us you'll realize that isn't true once you start opening up to your friends.

PS- It's ok if you don't have a lot of friends. Better to have a few really awesome friends then to have a million acquaintances

Answer 2

Don't let your self be a victim. Try thinking of why or what kind of background that person came from by saying mean things to you. Also, childhood is all about being pushed around, it is just supposed to build character and make you a stronger person, you just can't let those things get to you. Just try to keep a positive attitude and let those things just make you stronger.

Try laughing at more things, find humor in everything. Don't look at everything with a straight face. Compliment a girl you may want to befriend on something that day. The compliements will come back to you, and make you feel better...you may also see if they would like to do lunch sometime, so they can get to know you better. Try opening up to someone close to you, if you do it more often, then it will be easier in the long run.

Another thing, is maybe going on craigslist.com to try to find a group you may be interested in joining. Is there a meetup.com in your area that you are able to be social in groups with? It is usually a bunch of people that like to go out to dinner once a month and see a movie.

See what works for you!

Good luck!

Answer 3

You really have a lot going on. Are you from divorced parents? I am. For a while I suffered from depression and self medicated with alcohol and drugs. Then I decided to best combat depression, I would just try to be happy.

I put makeup on every day so that I feel better about myself.
I acknowledge my physical health and give thanks to God.
I dress well for my body type (short and 15 lbs overweight) so that I look professional, likeable, and better about myself.
I listen to upbeat music everytime I am in my car. (I personally think that even though I was 36 at the time, Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy, and New Found Glory saved me from having to take Prozac.)
I go to Mass (I'm Catholic and proud of it) every Sunday no matter what, and get fed (my soul).
I joined a Wednesday Bible study to meet friends.
I became a volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
I go to the beach as often as I can for Sun Therapy.

So:
Look your best, treat yourself to clothes that look good on you and make you feel good.
Volunteer: giving of yourself is not only nice, it makes you feel good about yourself. In helping others, you are actually helping yourself, you won't believe it until you try it.
Get ongoing therapy: you really need someone to talk to from a psychological standpoint
Go to Church! Everyone has this big void to fill, the void you feel is from missing God.
Pray for healing.
Don't be a victim anymore and scratch all the bad stuff. Maybe become proactive in your local Victims of Violent Crime or other organization that assists victims.

Answer 4

Well, you say you don't want to make yourself out to be a victim.....but that's exactly what you are doing. You're a victim. So you were bullied when you were a kid. You were bullied in early adulthood--were you in a bad relationship with someone? The point is that you need counseling. Antidepressants are ONLY meant to get you through counseling. They are not meant and cannot fix the problem. While they alleviate some of your symptoms, your problems are all still there.

Answer 5

Ohmigod, you've articulated what I go through so perfectly. I cannot believe someone else goes through the exact same thing I go through every day of my life. I have a history of bipolar II disorder, which brings with it anxiety and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I also have learning disabilities in math and some cognitive functions (reading comprehension, mostly). I take Tegretol XR, which has been a blessing in alleviating a lot of my symptomatic behaviors. Like you, I was bullied so much between the ages of 10-16ish that it really cut deeply and scarred me emotionally for almost 20 years. I've learned recently (and am still learning) that I've let myself become a victim of my past pain; therefore, it's prevented me from moving forward and living in the now. I've let past experiences affect wonderful things happening in my life as a 28-year-old woman, such as my committed relationship with my boyfriend of close to five months, most notably. He's taught me that I have to face my demons head-on by setting time aside often to think about my past and how it's affected me; it's incredibly painful and I've gone through a lot of crying (alone and in front of him), but it really helps. I now can rationalize that those people who hurt me simply aren't worth my time and chances are, they don't even remember/nor know the effect they had on me. And it just doesn't matter anymore. I believe strongly that once you are able to face your demons and get rid of them, then you'll find it much, much easier to fit in more easily in groups. I don't think you'll feel comfortable doing so if you don't face your past fully and cast it aside.

Please don't hesitate to send me an e-mail if you'd like to talk further.

Answer 6

My advice would be to first let those things go from your past. If you hold on to all that stuff it weighs you down and keeps you from living in the present. Sure it leaves a mark and hurts, but you need to forgive and forget and put it behind you in order to focus on moving forward, not letting what happened define who you are now.

I believe happiness is a choice, no matter what is going on in one's life. It's how you look at things. To be truly carefree you can't sweat the small stuff and this will require a certain amount of opening up, taking a few risks, stepping outside your comfort zone a little, and letting go. If you can do that then you are one step closer to achieving your goal.

Answer 7

Are you sure that is exactly what the therapist said - it sounds as though they were coming on to you ! People with a healthy love-life will be happier, but they could be happily/healthily celibate, it depends on the individual. Being less repressed does not necessarily mean more promiscuous. Many promiscuous people are unhappy because their promiscuity comes from being dysfunctional rather being less repressed. An unusually nice idea from Freud is the "turn of the repressed" = a neat theory that says that whatever is repressed *will* show up somehow.

Answer 8

The fact that you WANT to change is the first step. I would suggest getting some professional help but also get in a club of people your age doing something that you enjoy or would like to learn (dancing, art class, something like that). When you have common interests with people it makes it easier to open up and talk to them especially when they're strangers to you. Through the learning process, coupled with the professional help, you could see a positive change in yourself very soon.

We were all picked on and made fun of in school. Kids are mean, we all know that. Don't let something some snot-nosed brat did or said to you ruin your life. You're more than that. Enjoy being yourself.

Good luck and don't forget to smile! :)

Answer 9

Gee, seems I just read about myself, so I know exactly how you feel. My mother is always telling I shoulding be such a loner. I have a husband and 2 kids. So I value my time alone. I am currently taking cymbalta and 3 other meds. They have helped alot. I seem to change when I am around a group of people outside of my home. I join in conversations or games and have a good time and talk. It seems to work for me. When I first arrive say to a party or bar where we are meeting friends I am quiet at first and seem to have to warm up and then I fall right in with the whole surroundings. I am bipolar along with adhd. I know how it feels. My dr suggests me seeing a therapist to talk with so I have an appt next week. You might want to think of doing the same. Keep your chin up.

Answer 10

Your problem is that you're afraid to do anything uncommon as you don't want anybody to bully you as you were before. Please keep in mind that your friends, family and people around you aren't so childish as your friends when you were young.

People learn to be tolerant with time and they even like a person who's fun and who doesn't take his life too seriously. When you're too serious, you're making the others feel under pressure as they have to stay at a decent state of mind. Show them something else and they'll follow you, if they don't, you won't be the one having a problem anymore, they will be...