13-year-old daughter and a BIG problem?

Question

My 13-year-old daughter has been having sex with her 16-year-old boyfriend at least several times.I heard about it the day she told me she was pregnant - that was yesterday.I told her she will abort the baby but she refuses to listen to me.She all the time cries and yells and keeps saying she wants to keep the baby because it was her boyfriend's baby too.Her boyfriend doesn't care about it.He told she could do whatever she wants to with the baby.She doesn't want to go to councelling and I can't force her,she is 13 and it's a little bit impossible to MAKE her do something physically.She says she loves that baby.I spanked her - it didn't help.I yelled, criticised,did everything and she just refuses to abort the baby.How can I make her understand she is not ready to have a baby???

Answer 1

I wouldn't make her abort the baby! You will traumatize her for the rest of her life, if you make her get one against her will. I would strongly suggest that you have her consider adoption as a another route.

Answer 2

First question is to you as a parent, why is you 13 year old even in the posistion to be with a 16 year old? it is too late to start parenting now maybe you should have spanked her when she started going out and having sex with a sixteen year old well when the baby is born you will probably be raising another child. I am shocked that chil welfare has not stepped in. remember she is13 you are still her boss, becoming a parent doesn't make legal to make her own decisions and yes you can force her to abort the baby at this age. if not then when this baby is born, watch over her but make her do everything. try one of those parenting classes where they give you a robot baby that does cry and they have to take it everywhere. I do feel for you because you should be dealing with the minor teenage things not pregnancy. I would press charges against the 16 year old.

Answer 3

I can't really help you much, I'd just like to say, spanking a pregnant person is a BAD idea. I am not saying I wouldn't ever spank my 13 year old, but she's pregnant, not only could you damage the baby, but you could cause all sorts of medical issues for your daughter. Spanking is something that should have happened more when she was a little girl. My recommendation is to convince your daughter to give her baby up for adoption. This is the one way the baby has a fighting chance for success. A 13 year old mother can't provide a child much hope, since she her self is a child.

Answer 4

That's a tough one. They only way you will get through to her is to be loving and supportive and just be there for her, don't be critical. If the boyfriend will not be supportive of her, she's going to realize that he's a scumbag sooner or later, but you will always be her parent. I know she's young, but help her realize that if she keeps this baby, the true parent here will be you, because you will be the one supporting and raising while she continues school, dropping out should not be an option. Abortion is not the only option, there is adoption, which speaking from experience, is a wonderful. Adoptions now days can be very open. Just talk to her, keep you calm, and love her.

Answer 5

I'm not going to fight with you about your morals right now because I am more concerned about your daughter. But I have one thing to say. where do you get off spanking a pregnant girl?! One thing that I do agree with you on is that she is too young to have a baby. But you can't make that choice for her. It's her choice. her body. her baby. And you don't need to pressure her into aborting! She will regret that for the rest of her life. And probably harbor resentment towards you for pressuring her. i think what you really need to be looking into is an open adoption. That way she doesn't have to live with the fact that she murdered her own child. but she won't have the responsibility, and she can visit the baby if she wants to. That's the best choice that your daughter could make for herself and her child. Your daughter made a mistake, that innoccent child shouldn't have to pay for her mistakes. your daughter is going threw alot right now. you should try having a calm conversation with her. Right now she needs someone to tell her that they love her and that everything will be okay. I went threw teen pregnancy. it is rough so she really doesn't need you adding to it. And one more thing don't lay another finger on that scared pregnant girl again! if you want to hit someone go beat her little boyfriends ***! my god...he is 16 and she is 13. She just got her period and he's in highschool. That's disgusting!!! Kill that BOY!!!!!

Answer 6

First off, why would you ever spank your child? Shes pregnant for god sakes, and well this unborn child did not ask to be born so why cause any harm to this child? Ok your daugther is 13, why would you let her date a 16 year old, and where is some kind of supervision if they are having sex? Yes shes young to be a mom but you need to support her and the decision she makes. Its your grandchild after all. And yes she may be to young to raise this child but is it the unborn childs fault? I think you should let her have her child and help her, a friend of mine has a daugther who got pregnant at 14 and she is now 19 and an awesome mom. They supported her so she could finish school and the fathers parents helped her out as well and now shes living on her own with her child. You could give this child up for adoption but I really think your going to hurt your child and ruin a relationship, and if your child knows that your going to do this, she may run away and you may never see her again. Its a hard decision but she needs your support and she needs to be able to have this child and yeah it may show people you failed as a parent but it shows your supportive of your daugther and soon to be grandchild.. Whats more important? A relationship with your daugther and grandchild or losing them both? Do you really want your child living on the streets, cause thats where she is going to go. She should be responsible but then again, you as a parent should of been more responsible for your child and figured out what she was doing. I mean where can two young kids go and have sex, seems like they were unattended a lot.

Answer 7

Kevin,
I do not believe in abortion but I also do not believe a 13 yr old has the right to have a baby and raise it. Not only is pregancy at this age dangerous but it is also not good for the baby.
All teen girls dream about the day they will be happy and a baby is in the picture. We start this dream for them when we buy them dolls to care for at a young age. Most teens wait until later in life because they are afraid of sex, or their parents have talked to them about the consequences of sex. Any girl can make a mistake and your daughter made one. Now you must make it right for her. You are the parent and she is a minor so therefore you must help her make the right decision for her (not for you solely). Yes, it is easier for you if she aborts the baby and life goes on. But what will keep her away from still having sex and maybe getting pregnant again? Birthcontrol? Do they actually dole it out to 13 yr olds? And if you put her on birthcontrol you set her up for sex and as much as she wants at a young age. She will have no fear to hold her back. Then what about sexual transmitted diseases out there like Aids, herpes, and more.
You can not lock her away from life but you can get her counseling.
She needs serious counseling now. She needs to know the consequences of her actions and what happens if she keeps the baby and if she aborts it or gives it away.
You are insisting she have an abortion. Do you know all the facts on abortion or are you looking for the easiest way out?
The problems with abortion are this:

It can make her sterile (it does happen)
She will mourn the loss of the baby forever (it does happen)
She will need lots of counseling over the years and it takes money too.
The father of the baby has rights too. How do you know he knows
Abortion is tramatic for the mother (who is a child still).

If this was my daughter, we would talk. I would listen to her and also take this time to tell her how I feel and how she is too young for sex and how boys can use girls for sex and only sex. This is her ordeal in life, her lesson to learn not yours. Help her but also listen to her she may be more mature that you think. Tell her what her choices are: abortion, adoption, raising a baby herself.
Tell her how it will impact her education, future jobs, and where will she live. Get her thinking about what is happening and how it will impact her TOTAL life. No child ever knows how hard it is to take care of a baby and how expensive it is.
Of course, if it was me I would work with her for the best solution. I would offer her to live at home and care for the baby but these are the rules. After all, this would be my grandchild and I could not live with myself if I did not offe help. And for my daughters sake too. But each parent must decide how much they are willing to help or if they want to help at all. Yes, you can be angry you have the right. You can be sad too. But what is done is done and you can not change that. Look for the best solution for her and her baby.

Answer 8

Plan A
Get an raw egg.(Mark it so you will be able to identify it and she cant switch it if it breaks) Then make little Mrs mom take care of the egg as we do a baby. She must give it a bath, take it to school with here, feed it, clothe it and wake her up a few times at night to check on it ( tell her its wet or its stomach aches or its gums are bothering (teething)Make her take it with her to her friends house and everywhere she goes even when she takes a shower or bath the baby must be there. Take her out to eat at a restaurant and make her get a high chair for it and feed it in public. Until she is tired of this maybe she will come around to the abortion idea.
Plan B.
Take her is the drug store and make her get two weeks worth of baby clothes baby food, baby wipes, baby meds(teething stuff, headache stuff,etc,,) Baby pampers socks, bibs, crib sheets. and put it all in one basket. Get a hand cart and take her to the condom isle and have her pick up two weeks worth of condoms. When she gets to the register ask the cashier to total up her baby basket and total up the condom basket. Ask her which is cheaper? I did it with my niece last week and the next day she agree to have the abortion.
GOOD LUCK. She needs tough love right now.
If these dont work then hog tie her azz and drag her to the abortion clinic.

Answer 9

You cant. My mom tried to force me to abort when I was fourteen. She kicked me out of the house and cut all contact between myself and my family. I didnt speak to her until my son was born. Please, dont do this to your daughter, as a mother is the best support she will ever have. If she is determined to have the baby, you need to set ground rules. Explain to her that SHE is responsible for the child and herself, that you are there only as moral support. Gently eplain her options or encourage herto attend a session at planned parenthood or the like. Trying to punish or force her will only make her fight harder. But there is hope in her future no matter what she chooses to do, so support her even if you dont like the choices she makes, but dont feel like you have to take responsibility financial or physically for her or the child.