Here's one for you all! My BF of 4 months and I are both born-again Christians. (He's been saved for many years, I am a newbie. We originally vowed not to sleep together before marriage, but like many before us...temptation struck, repeatedly. However, at his insistance we are giving it another try. Now we have been able to abstain for over a month, but I am really torn up about it. I know that this decision is pleasing to God, but I am feeling really insecure about our relationship because of it. In every other relationship I have been in, when we stopped sleeping together it was the "beginning of the end". Plus, we aren't even passionately kissing any more. I don't know how to approach the subject without sounding like a big horn-ball. But, it is taking over my brain! Should I ask him about this? How do I know if he is losing interest in me romantically or truly taking the moral high-ground?
2007-02-06 02:02:41 · 17 answers · asked by loves2sing 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way...I am already a parent. I have an elementary-age child. And he is recently divorced. It probably would have been easier had we both been virgins!
2007-02-06 02:17:40 · update #1
You dont say how old you are but going against the norm is not easy at any age. First I want to say I comend you and respect you for your religious beliefs. Please talk to your boyfriend and tell him everything thats on your mind. You can get all kinds of great advice from us but he is the only one that can tell you how he is actually feeling. Also I dont know how much praying you have done about this but just keep on doing it. God does not always answer when we want it but I believe he always answers when we need it. Good Luck and God bless you both.
2007-02-06 02:15:23 · answer #1 · answered by lil' obie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you are human and you have tasted of the forbidden fruit. some people believe that was the fall of adam and eve...the lost of innosense...but you two adult people are not children anymore nor are you naive in the ways of the world. Your boyfriend nor you are too blame. Christians are not perfect...they are only forgiven. Study the story of King David and how he stole another mans wife and had him killed. Solomon the wisest man ever sinned and was forgiven.
What did you do that was so bad? You were human and it sounds like you have a lot going for you two so don't let guilt over something tear you apart. I know your feelings and they are justified in thinking you guys may break up because the strain of abstaining is so great. I have been a Christian for many years and I don't think I could do what you guys are doing>..probably not.but i know this much...the spirit is strong but the body is weak.
You gotta ask your boyfriend since he knows so much about your faith "what would he do if you were not saved?;" He is more guilty then you as he is the one who opened this can of worms. He is the one who should have been strong for you. What kind of an example did he set for you? Sounds like both of you did not do the right thing but his being a Christian so long should have set an example for you to follow. Be honest with him. Tell him what you told in this e-mail..tell the truth and shame the devil.
Prayer really will help you through this and the rest of your life.
Don't give up on God....God be with you and your guy
2007-02-06 02:22:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Morally taking the high ground?
Are you kidding me?
Morals and beliefs don't have a pause feature. How can he take the moral high after so willingly turning it off? Repeatedly.
Moral high ground? Is lying part of that high ground? You know, the pretending to be born-again even though you guys are sleeping together. Is that part of being born-again? Its lie to at least yourself. And certainly anyone you told (lied to) were born-again and abstinent. For many, being born-again excludes sex before marriage and to pass yourself off as born-again while you two are banging away is a lie. Of course, if you confessed your trespasses and atoned, then the previous is moot.
Forget the moral high ground. He did. Just like the vow you to took. Walk from him. He can't keep his vow to God...what on Earth makes you think he will keep a vow to you?
I would move on. Any man so willing to turn his back on vows and his religion is not worth keeping.
I speak not to denigrate religion or born-again Christians, but to highlight how his actions do not align with his professed faith and morality.
2007-02-06 02:20:03 · answer #3 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all let me ask you this, how do you know what God is thinking? You've not even married and you alreadly complaining of a passionless relationship, you are not even a virgin, you are not even a true believer like some people claim to be because you mention you and your boyfriend sleeping together once and you've also being in other relationship before. Listen up you are only fooling and complicating things for yourself. Is either you want to serve your God and get it over with or you go bang your boyfriend so that we can all have peace of mind .
2007-02-06 02:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I am a liberal Christian. I don't think sex before marriage is bad because of anything in the Bible. I think it is just generally a bad idea. You do not need to jump through any scriptural hoops to reach that conclusion. This is based on my lifetime of observation, my own experience and that of people I know. I have only had sex with my husband, and he with me. I believe this one of the many reasons why our marriage has lasted. I have to say that not many of our friends from college can say the same. If you are marrying a violent alcoholic, then you don't know enough about him to be marrying him in the first place. You don't have to live with someone before marriage to know what they are like. You can spend a ton of time together without sleeping in the same bed.
2016-05-23 23:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly how do you know that this decision is pleasing to God? Because someone told you? Try thinking for yourself. God gave you a brian that he wants you to use to think for yourself. He also gave you freedom of choice. And a loving God would not punish you for having some fun with the one you love. If you believe in a God that would, might I suggest a change?
2007-02-06 02:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The beauty of abstaining as a simple rule is that it makes people wait until they are mature enough and able to cope with the responsibilities of sex.
This responsibility is that you need to be prepared to be a parent. You do not sound like someone prepared to be a parent.
Better keep them crossed for awhile yet.
2007-02-06 02:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to get him t see it this way. What you were doing, was "Sleeping together". Now try to look at it as "Making Love". If you don't Love eachother? Don't make it like you need Sex! If he's all about Christian Values. God Bless You both. But bring it back to where it's suppose to be. LOVE. Making it. or not. It's up to your Hearts to determine that.
2007-02-06 02:10:00 · answer #8 · answered by Goggles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know by the character traits he displays. If he's checking out other women when you're out or conducting himself in a suspicious manner you may be able to figure it out. Communication is extremely impt. in developing a good relationship, so I'd suggest you talk through this issue with him in private. A good relationship also entails having enough faith in the other person to trust that they will use good judgment.
2007-02-06 02:11:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Saying no to sex is very noble and very hard. As a Christian that is what you must do. Your boyfriend still loves you and he loves you enough to respect your body and look at it as a temple. You have a warped, worldly view of sex. Sex should only be done in marriage. Any other way is harmful in the long run.
2007-02-06 02:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by Kendra H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋