How do you make it through a year long deployment?

Question

I'm a military wife, former military myself. My husband just left for Iraq a few days ago. He'll be there for a full year, with only a 2 week R&R around halfway through. I moved to North Carolina to be with him in October of 2006, so needless to say I don't have many friends around here. I know he'll be in as much contact with me and our daughter as he can, but it will still be hard. I'm not working because I have our 6 week old little girl, and we don't want to put her in daycare yet.

What do you do/have you done to make the time seem like it goes by faster?

He's in the Marines, I live about an hour from base, and trust me, it's impossible to read anything but Dr. Seuss with this little one around! :)

He's in the Marines (now for three years + so yes, we knew what we were getting into), he's in intelligence, so he's not going into battle and doesn't travel by convoy. His chances of getting hurt over there are quite slim.

I live an hourish from base, and it's hard to read or get any hobby started with the little one.

Answer 1

I used to think about the veterans in WW II, Korea and the War of Northern Aggression who were gone for the duration they and their families were separated for 5 years, 3 years and 4 1/2 respectively. I always believed if they could have done it I could and did a 1 1/2 years.

God Bless You and Our Southern People.

Keep your faith in God and him time will pass faster then you realize.

Answer 2

You never have ever realized how long a year really is until that deployment starts.. am i right? However, when he gets back you will think the exact opposite! I asked the same question 7 months ago when my husband left for his 1 yr pcs to korea and I was 6 months pregnant. I thought over and over HOW WILL I EVER MAKE IT A WHOLE YEAR?! Well first of all congrats on ur little one! If your little one is not keeping you busy enough to pass the time then i would highly highly highly recommend joining either a spouses club or a military support group. You can contact the base Family and Support Center (or whatever the marines call it!) and get more information about both. Not only will you be surrounded by plenty of other women going through or at least have gone through the same thing, you will definitely pass time by getting involved in their many events. Volunteer on base if you dont mind making the trip--hey its a whole hour that passes!!!-- and get to know the people who are going through the same thing! I have made many friends since my husband has been in the service but the ones I count on the most for support and guidance are those who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. It is a wonderful support group to become a part of as well! So get involved with your fellow mil spouses! And dont worry a year is really not that long! He will be home before you know it!

PS I know you were in the military and may already know of a few of these things, but this may help someone else too if they are reading this!

Answer 3

First of all, thank you for your service both in the military, and also as a military wife. Being a military wife has some very unique situations. First of all, if your husbands unit does not have a family support group, then get in touch with a chaplain. They will be able to direct you all the way from just having someone to be friends with, but can also help you with times you need to get things done without your children if need be. It will seem like such a long time, but he will return. If you need a shoulder to cry on, find other wives in your husbands unit.

I faced my first deployment during Desert Storm, and my marriage seemed to be better for a few years after that. I got divorced five years later (unrelated to deployment), and got remarried while on leave during Operation Iraqi Freedom. It was difficult for my new wife, since she was never even exposed to the military until she married me.

Answer 4

If you are at Ft. Bragg, there are loads of programs there and on Pope AFB for spouses of deployed military members. My husband has been deployed many times, and truly, a good network of friends is the only thing that helped me through. The last time he was gone for 2.5 years! Try new hobbies, get out on post/base and meet new people. If you live in a military community, many of your neighbors are probably also military spouses. Get together one morning a week for coffee, or "play date" for the kids (Even though your daughter is too young for that, it's a great way to meet other adults) Write lots of letters, keep a journal. Best of luck to you ... you CAN do it!

Answer 5

I started working and that has made it easier. It is really really reallly tough to do. I would say that the two of you need to commit to each other to do all you can and hold off any arguements or disagreements until you get back. He will be told to compartmentalise himself so he may seem absent - this has nothing to do with you. Just let him know how much you respect him and remember that no matter how hard things are for you they are harder for him and dont take it out on him. He cant be your emotional support you have to be his. ( That doesnt mean he will let you ) I send songs I think about, keep him updated on sports scores, tell him how much I love him, send videos of the kids and myself of things that he would miss the most. What I look like sleeping, etc. It is hard, but everyday is another day closer. Time is all you have, and distance is nothing without time. Goodluck and email me if you need someone to talk to.

Answer 6

Everyone deals with deployments differently. I have seen wives that like to stay busy with work, working out, volunteer work. My preference is to stay as close to my computer as possible so that when my husband gets a chance to log on, I am there. My husband sets up a computer in almost every room of the house, I log a yahoo ID on each one, and wait for the BUZZZ!!!! Sometimes it comes at night, sometimes at in the day, but I am always available. I even set up webcams on the computer so that he can see what I am busy doing...sometimes he doesnt wake me but just wants to watch me sleep. Staying in commo with my husband, and knowing he is safe for the moment, is what has gotten me through 2 deployments, and about to go into the third. So my world revolves around the computer. Only time I go run errands is when I know he is on a mission.

Having more friends doesnt do it for me. Cant replace my husband. He is my best friend, and he is all I care about.

I would just encourage you to do the things you normally do...you just have more time to do it once he leaves. And then just get through it best you can.

Answer 7

do you attend church. if not look for one. they are a good place to meet other moms and friends, keep busy as much as possible. i was gonna suggest play groups but shes too young. myspace has lots of military unit groups for wives look for his unit there and meet some other wives. i know how hard this is my husband is currently deployed and i have a 4 year old good luck

Answer 8

Be strong for your husband. I did a year tour myself and all I thought about was my family. I am sure it gets long at home but I can assure you it is longer on your husband. Be supportive and try and meet some people in the area that you can confide in. Try your church also. I know it helps to go to church and worship.

Answer 9

Go to You can ask any questions plus many other military wives will befriend you if you ask. Take the time look around the site. Mary

Answer 10

His unit has a family support group. They are all in the same boat as you. Get in touch with them and stay close. You will meet some terrific people.