Advice needed?

Question

i dont know were to start well here goes my sister died 3 years ago and left 2 daughters with problems with there dad being a drunk they were taken away from him and his youngest daughter (was age 9)came to live with me everything was ok for a while now its like a war zone in my house with my husband and her my husband says he hates her and i think he means it hes been getting drunk out of his head for quiet a while now and he really says nasty things to me her and his own 2 kids i dont know what to do i dont know weather to leave him or not and put in for a new house and take the 3 of them with me. But i do think there is something else wrong with him i think he has a mental problem he refuses to see i am so upset i have been married for 20 years my children are 18,14 my niece is 12 can any 1 give me any advice thankyou

Answer 1

This is a little more complicated than just pack bags and leave. There are more issues involved here.of course you have to protect yourself and those who depend on your good judgment.family relations can be very tricky, specially if there is an addiction like alcohol.Get real help.A social worker perhaps, at first. This is too big for someone to go at it alone.No matter what happens or what you decide, keep in mind " I WILL GET OVER THIS". Get counseling for you and the kids. Bless you honey.

Answer 2

I sympathize with your situation as it is a hard decision to make.

Your husband is obviously unhappy because of the living situations and is finding other avenues to take his frustrations out on.

As to your sisters child, I feel it is an obligation to your sister to raise her child.

Is it possible that he will go to counseling with you? Is it possible for the entire family to seek counseling? This is a difficult call to make. Do you belong to a church organization?

I would hate to see a 20 year marriage fall apart because of a situation that could be resolved; however, if he is being verbally abusive, then it's no environment for you and your children to live in. I feel that he is being selfish and only thinking of himself. Possibly try and arrange a family meeting when he is sober. Perhaps if this come out in the open and all of you reveal your concerns, maybe everyone can make a compromise to make your situations more livable.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

You are not only allowing this man to verbally abuse you but your kids, too. Don't live like this! If you feel this way imagine how your kids must be feeling. You owe it to yourself and to them to get out of this relationship if he's not willing to get help. He needs counseling or at the very least AA. You may find help through AlAnon which is for the families of alcoholics. They may be able to advise you. I realize that you have spent 20 yrs together but it sounds like you are now in a very bad place and need to save yourself and your kids from harmful words and possibly worse in the future. I wish you well.

Answer 4

Did he drink heavily before the niece moved in? Has he said why he hates her? If he won't talk to you, find someone who he will talk to. A friend, relative, or you two could go to a couples councilor. It sounds like he has more problems than just a niece he doesn't like.

Answer 5

If I were you I would definately leave. Those kids don't deserve to be treated like that. Think about your sister, how would she feel if she knew what kind of life her daughter was being subjected to?

Answer 6

U need to find out wat the problem is cause things have to change for the sake of the children if they dont then move out with the kids.

Answer 7

still take care of the kids and ignore their father

Answer 8

ladie you do not need to leave.. have you done anything wrong no he has he da one who gotta go