Is my sister's bipolar disorder my mom's fault?

Question

My sister has (i think) a bipolar disorder, and at the very least a serious anger management issue.

To my memory, my sister has always had these problems and they have gotten no worse, nor any better since she she was very young. (Though massive temper tantrums seem a lot more out of place in a 38yr old than a 2yr old)

So I assume that her problems are neurological, and have to do with the way her brain was put together. I think my parents did the best job she could do raising a clearly problem / special needs child. Sure they made some small mistakes, but all parents do.

My sister feels that my mom is the cause of all her problems, and if only my mom had raised her better or made different raising choices, she'd not be sick now.

What stunned me the other day, is that my mom AGREES with my sister, and feels that if only she'd done things different my sister would be normal.

Am I right? Or is she? Bipolar is a physiological thing right? Not a result of upbringing?

Answer 1

Your sister's disorder may or may not be the result of the way your parents raised her. We all react to different kinds of trauma in different ways. some of us develop DID (dissociative identity disorder). Some of us just repress it.
My sister happens to be bipolar and schizophrenic. She also blames it on her upbringing, but I don't think it's true. I think she just wants to blame someone elese because it is easier for her than taking responsibility for her own condition. She wants someone else to fix her, but she'll never be able to deal with it unless she steps up and changes herself.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and people not understanding. That seems to be a common thing among mood disordered people. You have to understand that people just don't get it, like your counsellor. I think you should keep trying to get through to your mum, and try a different counsellor if your school offers more than one. It must be really frustrating that your mum thinks you're just trying to get attention and that your counsellor thinks it's just hormones. I don't really know what to say, which I'm sorry about, but I think you should keep trying to find someone to help you, even if you have to go to a walk-in clinic or another doctor for treatment. It's really important that you get help now before it gets worse. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think your sister needs to see a professional to talk to. She/he is the only one who can get to the truth of what is wrong, wiwth her.
If she is sick there are medications that can help.
I agree if she is acusing your mom, your mom is doing what any loving mom would do love her daughter.
You have to realize there are different types of bi-polar.....different types of mental illness. Only a Dr can help

I am bi-polar.....now my does come from a tramatac child hood one parent killed by another when I was 5.....there are other things that I kept inside molestation being blamed for things I didnt do. It runs in my family no one to blame I blame no one

For those of you who think bi-polar is a cop out a way to get attion if you could live a day in my shoes on my worst day you would not think that anymore.
Some use it as a attention getter Im sure but not all of us, and you should not group us all together it is real and it very hard to live with every day when you know you will be this way the rest of your life

Get help for your sister and stand by your mom tell her she is a wonderful mom
good luck

Answer 4

No one is to blame for your sister's bipolar disorder. It does tend to be genetic but there is no way of altering genetics yet in this day and time. None that I'm aware of anyway. Your sister is an adult now and any problems she is experiencing are not anyone's fault. As an adult she has choices and decisions to make, while having to bear the outcome of whatever choice she makes. Even people with bipolar disroder know the difference between what is harmful to them and what is not, mostly. She also has the ability to choose whether or not she wants to get help for her disorder. Bipolar is a serious condition that makes it very difficult to function without treatment. Sure, family upbringing can have an effect on how people deal with their symptoms or cope, but once you are an adult you can no longer legimitally blame your parents for current problems. Your sister is responsible for herself, but if she is so psychologically disordered that she has no contact with reality then perhaps a long-term psychiatric treatment program would be of help. My guess is, though, that she is functional but does not want to take responsibilty for her life or its outcomes. She'll never be content unless she quits blaming people for her problems. Change comes from within - not from other people. So, ultimately she would benefit from making the decision to work on what she needs to do to take care of herself.

Answer 5

My Mother and my Brother have both been diagnosed as bipolar. My Mom also takes the blame for it in my Brother. It is no ones fauylt and couldn't have been changed if your Sister is truly biploar. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain and while yes it is inherited, it isn't anyones fault. Your Sister needs to confirm that she is indeed bipolar and there are meds that will keep her more stable. It makes a huge difference in my Mom and Brother. If they don't taked their meds they get very manic and hard to handle. Try to be understanding and help her get the help she needs.

Answer 6

Well, that's a bit tricky. She well could have gotten it from her mother or some relative in the distant past. Bipolar is a hereditary disease. There is no way your sisters disability is caused by her upbring (other than your sister being allowed to act inappropriately). If your sister realizes there is a problem, she should get it taken care of (like go to a psychiatrist) instead of placing blame on someone else.

Answer 7

I don't think your mom is at fault. You are right that it is a physiological thing. However, it is possible she may have triggered many of the reactions/tendancies and/or did not see the warning signs of a troubled child and get the help your sister probably required. Your mom probably didn't even know and may not have known how to help anyway. And now she blames herself as parents do. She (your mom and sister) should make the effort to be supportive as much as your sister needs it. Your sister may/may not ever get over it and continue to blame your mother, but let's hope that they can move on. Living in the past doesn't help anyone.

Answer 8

Bopolar disorder can be inherited,BUT it may not be.
It is neurolgical disorder, just like depression.
Encourage your sister to see a Dr. and get tested for Bipolar AND ADD. ADD can result in feeling of frustration and rage. (Trust me, I have it!) Both illnesses can be trated with medication.

As far as your mom is concerned, sit her down and emphisize to her what a good mom she was and is. There is so much guilt associated with being a parent. When our children don't turn out perfect, we blame ourselves. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better?

I wish your family hope for a better future.

Answer 9

Your mom is just blaming herself like any good mother would.
I found out my sister was REALLY diagnosed with bipolar.
Since my sister was the first child, my parents were very strict with her, and therefore, she got these out-of-control tantrums and started living life to the extreme.

I don't think it's parents in particular, it's her surrounding that's responsible for bipolar because of how she lives her own life. It is a mental issue and anything and everything can cause it.

I personally think bipolar is kind of ridiculous and it's just an excuse to get more attention. I feel like my sister is perfectly fine, just with some anger issues, but who doesn't? some have a mild temper while others have higher temper levels, it's nothing new.

But don't let your mom feel like she's responsible cause she isn't.

Answer 10

If she is bipolar, there would be little difference. She would still get the up's and down's from the disorder. The only thing that I can think of that could be affected by parenting is how she controls her mood swings.