ok, i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and i cam einto this relationship with trust issues and never really trusted him. We fought a lot because of my lack of trust and that evidently took a toll on our relationship because now he wants time apart. He has told me many times that he wants time apart to clear his mind and be sure of what he wants because he's afraid if we just jump back into our relationship without trust we'll be fighting again, he reassures me that it's not about someone else, that he has no interest in meeting anyone or being with anyone else, he just wants some space and then we'll sit and talk about things. I'm ready to work on my trust issues and give my trust to him but i'm afraid that i already lost him...what should i do? no contact at all? move on? how long should i wait?
2007-02-06 01:12:04 · 11 answers · asked by ELLE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think that you should try working this out another way. You shouldn't try to work out issues by running away because then nothing is solved just missing each other. Try talking it out there must be something about him that you don't trust or something that he does. Talk it out with him and try resolving this now or else you would be single again. Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Then you have to trust him which is the foundation of your love because to give your heart to someone then you have to trust them a little. Then why don't go the whole way. In relationships you never do things half way. Can you half way love someone? No it is impossible so if you say that you trust your boyfriend a little then you don't trust him at all its either black or white. Work it out for yourself then work it out with him. He is wanting distance because in two years and you don't trust him. should send him up a wall as it would with me. If someone doesn't trust me and is always up my *** then I would get tired and want space too.
Then there is this if you brought this trusting issue from a past relationship then don't! Don't let him pay for whatever some foolish guy did before. Give him a fair trial as you would want him to give to you because then you would be just wasting your time trying to have a relationship in the firstplace because trust is the foundation to every relationship. If you don't have trust then you can't love and that means you have nothing.
2007-02-06 01:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may need professional help. I think being aware of your trust issues is great but deep down inside can you change how you feel. Trust is more important than love. If you don't trust him you can ever enjoy the true meaning of love. You have been hurt try to heal before giving your al. If he does not understand then he feelings are not as strong and the loss may not be that great. Speaking from a person who has had the same issues...never question yourself. As a wonderful person you deserve to have a person you can trust.
2007-02-06 09:21:40 · answer #2 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at this as a good time for the booth of you to work on the issues that you do have. This could be a good thing. Give him the space that he wants and use this time to realize what you need to work on. I know trusting someone is not easy but if you really ever do want to move forward with anyone you will need to trust.
2007-02-06 09:19:26 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is true, a relationship will not survive without trust. i've been engaged for 2 years and at 1st trust was an issue for me too since i had been hurt so many times . it was something i needed to work on. as much as you hate it he's right take some time to yourself work on your trust its better to be a part for a small amount of time than to be apart forever, think about that. not trusting him could tear u to apart. work on it it will help you both in the long run. Good luck to you.
2007-02-06 09:18:19 · answer #4 · answered by eden f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid you have already lost him as well.
Men do not like lots of pressure about everything in our lives:
These include:
Past relationships
everyday activities
personal time
Sounds like you constantly made him pay for your trust issues. If you did not trust him from the start you should not have gotten this deeply involved. I always tell women THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NEEDING TIME. He wants out and there will be nothing you can do. Let him go.
2007-02-06 09:17:02 · answer #5 · answered by ariesespo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so you've been with your boyfriend for two years and only now, cause he's decided he needs a time out you've decided you can trust him??
I think its time for you to take a good, hard look at yourself and the reasons you dont trust him and do something about it once and for all. Whether that means seeking professional help or dealing with it alone.
And remember, you need to do this - whether thats for this guy or the next. You cant go through life not trusting anyone. It'll end up a sad and lonely existence.
2007-02-06 09:20:03 · answer #6 · answered by Leiani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people with trust issues keep them in check at the beginning of a relationship. At least untill something suspicious occurs. Your trust is fragile and it doesn't take much to break it. Small things are often magnified. However, that doesn't mean that these small things should be overlooked.
It seems that if he cared, he would try more to console you and strengthen your trust, than to distance himself from you. Maybe he's reached his end. Or maybe, just maybe, You have reason not to trust him.
If I were in your shoes, I would chalk it as a learning experience and move on. Or at least, suggest moving on to him and go on his response. If he agrees too quickly, give him what he wants and move on.
2007-02-06 09:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by Los 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible you could have already destroyed your relationship. I suspect you need to use this time apart to work on yourself. Seek a counselor. You have a problem that is causing you to lose someone you care about.
I wouldn't tell your boyfriend your seeing a counselor, it will just seem like your trying to manipulate him. Hearing about it after the fact will be much better, assuming it's not already too late.
After the time apart, perhaps you should consider couples counseling - assure your boyfriend it's to help with your problem, no reflection on him. That may make him more comfortable about going.
I wish I could be more upbeat about it.
2007-02-06 09:18:08 · answer #8 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i dont know in his case but its the thing as a single guy i have to deal with alot. Gals have a bad thing with trust if they had a previous ex bf/ ex hubby that did them wrong somehow. thats how all men end up being judged.
women need to take a tip from guys exs are exs how ever ur trust was hurt unless he did something to damage ur trust then i'ld say ease up on him. ur present bf isnt responsible for previous relationships
2007-02-06 09:19:00 · answer #9 · answered by gnr_tj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thing you both should be in marriage couselling. Time apart may work but do you really figure out whats going on. Go to couselling yourself and find out why you have such trust issues, it may give him hope if you are in couselling and make it easier to go to marriage couselling. Take care Heather
2007-02-06 09:17:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋