Tom and I have been going out not for long, and he always lets me do all the calling and communicating. He only communicates after i've been silent a while, and when I call, that's when he says how much I mean to him. Why doesn't he take the initiative? Do you think he doesn't like me as much? Please help me before I get too deep and yet he is interested in someone else.... thanks.
2007-02-06 01:09:02 · 17 answers · asked by pretty1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I used to do the same thing. It's a defense mechanism.
He might have a poor self esteem or a tragic event that happened in his life that made him like that. He might just need reassurance from you that you are with him and you are not going to leave him. After a few months or so, when he is completely convinced that you are not going anywhere, I think it is likely that he will start calling you and communicating more.
-- Let me explain: My ex left me after 5 years of marriage. I had no warning or idea that she was going to leave. For five years I knew two things were going to happen when I woke up in the morning: 1) The sun was going to come up in the east, and 2) We were still going to be married. When she told me that she didn't love me anymore, it was completely devastating to me.
Now, almost 2 years after the divorce, my girlfriend is aware of my past with my ex. I never believed her when she told me that she would never leave me because of what happened in my marriage. But my girlfriend did not give up. She CONSTANTLY reminds me that she loves me and, in her words, "I'm not going anywhere." It took a couple months, but my girlfriend really healed my broken heart with her patience and understanding.
Remind him that you love him-- not in a way that YOU would like, but in a way that HE would like.
2007-02-06 01:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by eyedoc999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just like that, and some are like you (inititive).
We have relationships with people because they fulfill a need, and when we live together it becomes a division of labour.
You sound like the ying to his yang and if you are able to objectively work with his differences it may well prove to be a great source of laughter. Dont make it a frustration.
If you are one of those initiative takers and he is not, I Bet he trully does appreciate you.
Honestly ... some people are just like him.... dont project anything sinister into the way God makes people different, and try not to poison your thoughts by looking for answers that require time to find.
If this this man is stringing you along you will be hurt.
But the next man might be the real thing and you may never know unless you are prepared to look at possibilities that there are 1000 true and positive thoughts that could apply which you havnt thought of yet.
Trust the process
2007-02-07 05:54:44 · answer #2 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think he is not that interested in u. For a guy who likes a girl, he will take all the initiatives to call her, sms her, and missing her all the time she is not beside him. Calling n communicating can be both ways but when u do it all the time and he doesn't, am pretty sure he ain't interested at u...or maybe he is married.
2007-02-06 09:16:59 · answer #3 · answered by DooGie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may not like you (the way you want him to) as much as you like him (maybe not the way he wants). Are you following me so far?
Anyway...girls and boys (men and women, too) love in very different ways. Guys don't like to talk as much or show displays of emotional commitment. It's a guy thing...we don't even understand it...just know that. The quickest way to run a guy off is to demand that he suddenly start changing is personality to display his devotion to you. It's too much like work and if it isn't working naturally, by itself, we'd rather leave the "relationship" and be alone.
In my marriage, I was the expressive one. Once I decided to see how long my wife would go without even saying "good morning" or anything at all to me (we lived in the same house). After about 3 weeks, I decided to move out. I've been gone for over 3 years and I'm totally happy without her.
So just chill.
2007-02-06 09:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with a previous stated answer walk away. In a real relationship it is 50-50 some he should call u and sometimes u call him. if he only did it on occasion it aint a big deal but if he's like this all the time. walk away
2007-02-06 09:14:21 · answer #5 · answered by gnr_tj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't read anything into whether or not he like to talk on the phone. Not all guys like to do so. Some guys are not much of a talker at all
2007-02-06 09:58:31 · answer #6 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could mean alot of different things,i've had many friends that have had this happen to them,or even done it to their partners,best way to find out...just ask
2007-02-06 09:14:47 · answer #7 · answered by Pete 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he call ....you do. Let him know how you feel. He may not be one that communicate well...that is clearly something you want to know.
2007-02-06 09:14:01 · answer #8 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to say Tom is not as enamoured of you as you are of him --- he may just be waiting to see if he can find someone else and leave you on a string --- my best wishes
2007-02-06 09:16:01 · answer #9 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tom is not into you as much as you are into him. It's obvious that he is not meeting your expectation level. End it.
2007-02-06 09:11:57 · answer #10 · answered by jim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋