I love my boyfriend sooo much, and am even thinking about buying a house with him. Some of my family members do not like him very much and I am terrified of having a life with someone that my family does not get along with. He is very caring and loving to me and I wish my family could see it that way. He has very strong views and they think he pressures me a great deal. He only brings up ideas that he think will be best for both of us, and they make a lot of sense. I think they mistake his excitement for pressuring me. We have tons of fun together. Does anyone have a similar problem? It is tearing me up! My whole life my family has always agreed with me and now I feel like if I do buy a house with him I will go against them and that terrifies me! I feel like if I ever marry him I will be going against my family. I want my family to love him as much as I do!
2007-02-06 00:52:11 · 15 answers · asked by dazed and confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sometimes family is jealous over something,,
they can be proven wrong if you're relationship
goes well,,
But even you both love each other deeply,
things change beyond expectation..
I don't know but as I see now,, relationships
doesn't last very long esp the young ones..
which is very sad..i'm one of the products, by the way.
But if you found someone you love then follow your
heart.. It's you to be in the relationship,, you just
have to prove them wrong..
I knew a lot of stories like yours.. at the end they've
love the ones they're before against.
2007-02-06 01:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by JUSS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for your situation - If you go ahead and build this relationship further you risk alienating your family but if you give this guy up you may spend the rest of your life wondering "what if". All I can suggest is seeing if you can get them together more often so maybe they can get to know him better. I do know that sometimes those who love us can see things in others that we are blinded to because of our love for that person. Personally, I recommend that you follow your own heart in the end - as long as this guy is good to you and not doing anything wrong or harmful I think I would go for it. The truth is that no matter what - your family will never like every decision that you make. In life you have to go through experiences and make your own mistakes that is the only way to learn. If "he" is a mistake you will figure that out in time but if he is not a mistake it would be terrible to give him up all because of what other people think.
2007-02-06 09:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by sydney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you buy a house with someone before you married them? Don't you realize that real estate is a bigger commitment than marriage?
Is it possible that your family sees things in him that you don't because you are too close to him and forgive him for things because you are in love? You family sounds like they care about you a great deal and don't want you to get hurt. Take things slowly with this guy. Try renting an apartment with him and see how it goes. If you can live together successfully for a year, then look to buy a house.
2007-02-06 08:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He brings up ideas that he thinks are best for the two of you? Let me ask you something......do you need someone making your decisions or dictating whats best for you? I doubt it, right? We all like to make our own decisions and or perhaps every once in a while listen to someone else's point of view. By the sounds of it, he seems to be a little controlling and that is what your family might not be ok with- if he knows that your are close to your family and care about them. Ask him to tone it down a little and try to get a long with everyone!
2007-02-06 09:22:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similiar situation in life about 5-6 yrs ago. Met a man, married him, moved out of state with my kids from previous marriage, bought a house, found a job, got the kids in school, settled into life. No sooner did we move away from my family and I started noticing a change in HIS behavior toward me. Hurtful comments and manipulative actions. In hindsight, I WISH my family and friends had just SAID something to me as we were in the dating stage. It ended in divorce, financially strapped me and as I now talk with my family in friends(I moved back home) they did not like him nor trust him. I couldn't see it or perhaps chose not to see it........Love is Blind......Well I am older now and wiser.I would like to suggest to you to heed your families concerns and really take a look at what they are saying.....one more suggestion, DO NOT purchase a house together as girlfriend/boyfriend.....not a good idea.
2007-02-06 09:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by Janet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm going to be very blunt here. sometimes women that are in an abusive realtionship with men that are very controlling (emotional abuse) do not really see the situation they are in. Only outsiders can see it. I think you should step out of the box a bit and try and look at your relationship from an outsider's point of view. If you have the slightest doubt about your man's attitude, then you know that all is not right.
maybe you should try talking to a cousellor.
all the best
2007-02-06 08:58:04 · answer #6 · answered by sweetDove 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one will ever love him as much as you do. Your family should respect your choice and wishes. They should trust your judgement and not judge you or your boyfriend. If you love him enough to move forward with him to a meaningful relationship and eventually marriage, then yuo should do so. If he keeps you best interest at hand and treats you like a lady, then it really doesnt matter what your family thinks. What matters is what YOU think- So what DO you think? Are you feeling that what they are saying is true?
2007-02-06 09:02:13 · answer #7 · answered by superbad~honeydip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your boyfriend and family members meet up and spent more time together. This will give both sides a chance to get to know each other better and hopefully your family will like him better once they realised that he is the right man for you. I know having the family blessing is important in a marriage but in the end, it's your decision really. Good luck.
2007-02-06 08:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in a relationship that was similiar to yours once. Trust me that the last thing you want to do is isolate yourself from your family. They will be the ones to help you through when something bad happens with this guy. He may be in your life for a while but your family will always be your family. My family told me from the beginning that the guy I was dating was not good for me and that he would end up hurting me. I didn't believe that because I was blinded by love. I believed that his strong views were just to protect me and help me. I thought it was sexy and romantic the way he felt so passionately about things. After a while I realised that no one thing in my life was my own. He had control of my whole life. He broke my spirit, tore away at my self esteem, and held my emotions hostage. Something in me made me awaken to the whole situation and I fought to get myself out. Then this man who claimed to love me and cherish me above all others decided to control me in a diffrent way. It started with some hitting but quickly progressed to punches and kicks and even a sexual assault. He even threatened to hurt my family if I told them anything about the abuse. At that moment I realised if I don't get out of this he could kill me or my family. I summoned a strength I never knew I had. You need to think this through. He may never lay a hand on you but what if it's what comes next in your life. Do you want to live out your whole life with no say in it? If he cares about you the way you care about him then convince him to get some help with his control issues. Maybe you can save your relationship if he does. But please realise things can get alot worse for you. And family is soooo much more important than any man. They see things that you cannot while your blinded by love. If it weren't for my family I do not know if I would be here to answer your question.
2007-02-06 09:23:36 · answer #9 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As undemocratic as this may sound, they are probably right!.
Relationships that usually start off on a bad note usually end up dat way. You may feel like you love him & he's the only one 4 u but few years down the line may prove the both of you wrong. Other relationships like yours have survived but you need to look at what it is that they don't like about him, if it's based on reality, you may also have to face the fact.
2007-02-06 08:59:08 · answer #10 · answered by stiletto 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋