How do I get my son to settle down in school?

Question

My son is turning 6 next month. He is in Kindergarten and consistantly get a name and check on the board. He gets treats on good days and we stress to him we love him and want him to do good. He gets privleges (sp) taken away if he's been bad. Poor boy needs 5 good days in a row to get video games back. That was in September!! He is constantly out of his seat, talking, disrespecting the teacher, arguing with the teacher, doesn't listen. He's super bright (he does 2nd grade level math) My son also has ADHD (attention deficiet hyperactivity disorder) he is on adderell right now and was on concerta before that. These medicines work to some extent because we've seen him off the meds. His mind is too "out there" for organized sports and we let him run outside whenever we can to "expell" the energy. It just seems like he's impossible! I don't know what else to do. This is his 3rd year of school since he went to 2 yrs headstart an had this problem then too! Help PLEASE!!

Answer 1

your problem may be somed up in one word...disipline. if you do not strongly enforce your rules of your household then he will always think that things are going to go his way...punish him if he does something that he shouldnt... for small things maybe a 5 minute time out... for worse things ground him for a week...he isnt too young for it...you already have the good idea of giving him treats when he is good

Answer 2

I'm sure you've already done this, but please go back to your doctor and insist he reexamine the dosage and actual meds for your son. Different meds work differently on different kids (lots of different, lol). Growth in your son can also affect the dosage he needs. I have seen children do extremely well on ADHD medicine, but I've also seen them do worse. To my untrained eye, it's been a matter of misdiagnosis or the wrong medicine/dosage. I had a student on adderell last year, and either the medicine is crap or he was more bi-polar than ADHD, because it didn't work. I have seen concerta work really well in some students, and not so much in others. Keep trying new things in that area (but give his brain and his body a chance to adjust each time). Keep giving him praise and consistent and explicit expectations. He's also still just 6. He might just need some more time to mature. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 3

My Step-son is the same way (lives with us 100%)....except he has tantrums that seem to last a bit longer and has more anger then most children. When he was on concerta and other stimulants they made the behavior worse. The told us that he has a mood disorder and thats why the stimualants didn't work. He is now taking a mood stablizer and is doing much better. ADHD and some mood disorders look alot a like and most psychiatrist don't want to "label" the child with a mood disorder like ODD oe Bipolar. I would suggest getting a second opinion on a diagnosis for your son

Answer 4

First of all, I have raised 3 children. The first two were emotionally impaired, adopted from abusive homes. What a handfull! The oldest one, a son, full time special ed, was hyperactive in school, better at home. I have strong opinions on this one, sorry about the lengthy answer, but here goes:

I ALWAYS let the school handle him AT SCHOOL. In other words, I never brought the punishment or consequences home with him, I left that strictly up to the teacher.

Question: How can you administer consequencesat home for things he does at school when you are not there to see the transgression? Or even help to correct it? You just can't.

Allow him to be himself at home. Home...The place that we all go to for refuge from the outside world. The place where there is love and hope for all of us. A haven to rest our weary heads and leave to charge out to battle the cold world day after day. But know we are loved and accepted there for who we are.

In other words, keep the consequences for what he does at HOME, at HOME...away from what he does in school. You will find a more peaceful, loving, eager-to-please child. You have enough to handle at home without taking on the role of anyone but a loving parent.

He needs his games back. These will help him to concentrate, give him good eye-hand coordination for his writing skills and give him some "down" time that each person really needs coping with life's struggles. Award him for things he does at home by giving them back one at a time. He'll love you for it.

This works, believe me. My son graduated in his cap and gown a few years ago. I was so proud! He still comes home to see Mom and get his hugs, talks about his childhood with glowing eyes and Home is the place he knows he is accepted as he really is. He has turned into a really great guy.

He will open up to you if he knows he is accepted by you, the rewards will be great for you the older he gets.

Don't worry, before you know it he will be all grown up and you will wonder where the time went...you will be glad you let the teachers handle him at school...and you got to love him at home as the wonderful human being you know he can be.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Well this sounds like something my son did when he first started school.. (we never have taken him to the doc to confirm the ADHD issue) but you are pretty much explaining my son.
My son would come home every day with a yellow day (which means he did interupt class,was not polite, would stomp on the ground out of nowhere...ect) In sports he did the same thing we had him in football and while the other kids where playing, he was just rolling around on the ground in the corner,not paying any attention to what the coach was saying.
My son is a VERY smart kid..he already was able to read when he was 4 years old. The teachers recommended him for a Talented and Gifted Program..but why all these yellow days?
So everytime when my son had a yellow day, which was pretty much everyday.(in the beginning). I would sit him down and ask him why...(the teacher would always include a little note on why he received a yellow,but I wanted to hear it from him..
So I got down on his level,looked him straight in the eye and asked him why he stomped on the ground or disrupt the class..
He would then give me his "logical reasoning for it" i.e. One incident he has gotten written up for "getting out of his chair during class"...and so I asked him why he did this...and he told me he wanted to help another kid in his class that was asking for help...well the teacher just saw my son standing up in the middle of class and did not see what his intentions where...so I explained to Brandon,that while that was very nice of him to help , and he should of not gotten out of his chair.
Let him explain to you in detail why he has received a "Yellow Day..got written up..whatever" in detail. Then praise him for his intent,but tell him that while he is in class he needs to be in control of his actions,and do what the teacher tells him...AND IF he does that...he will get a prize..(let him chose the prize,so he can work for something that he really would like to have...it does not have to be something really big...most kids would just like to have a friend over after school,or icecream,maby a matchboxcar.(Hotwheels for my son).. if the prize is something bigger,then tell him that he has to be a good boy in school for a whole week...then every school morning always remind him of that prize..don't let another bad day happen for him..then it is too late..praise him everyday if he gets a good day...
I have slumped before because my son has had green days for months now...never yellow..and so it was like "OK another green day" and then one day out of the blue he came home with a yellow..you got to give him a constant reminder "If you get a good day..you'll get that prize.."(it is like with us in life...if you do good you get a raise)... I think they call it Attention Deficit Disorder for us parents to give them some attention b/c that is what our kiddo's really need, especially the one's with ADD..;)

Good Luck

Answer 7

I don't know if what I suggest will or can work with a child who has ADHD because my suggestion is only coming from a matter of having a good understanding of children without having any experience with children with ADHD.

Having said that (and having "reserved the right" to be offering a useless suggestion).....

It seems to me there's a chance that encouraging running off steam may actually encourage the invigoration that physical exercise causes in adults.

It would seem to me that what he may need is experience with successful sitting down and doing something quiet for a while and with being able to control himself for even just a little while.

I don't know if you've set out on a "program" of doing anything like this, but I wonder if you make it a point to set aside maybe two periods of time a day (it doesn't have to be for two hours at a time; it could be for, say, a half hour) and sit with him at a table and do something like build L'egos or play PlayMobile people. Tell him ahead of time, "Jason, I'd like us to sit down and play for a while. Let's see how long you can sit and play with me." Maybe put a clock nearby, take note of the time, and then start playing with him.

If you do something like playing L'egos just build something and talk about what you're building. If he wants to build his own let him. You build one too and tell him what your building is going to be. See how long he'll sit and play. If he gets up in ten minutes ask him to just come play for another 15 minutes. When the half hour is over if he wants to keep playing just take note of how long he plays. Whenever he's through playing talk about how long he sat and played. Say things like, "Wow. You ARE able to just sit and play quietly for a whole half hour. Excellent. See? Your teacher does't think you can do that! "

Some other time get out something like PlayMobile people and do the same kind of thing. If he has super-heroes use those. Play the way girls who "play Barbie" play. Have them talk to each other and do things. During play find a way to talk to him (or use the characters to do the talking to each other) about how school is a time to sit and listen to the teacher or how nice boys don't fight with the teacher or how schools don't want students to be fresh to the teachers, who are there to help them learn.

Even if you did something like give him a coloring book and crayons and just tell him that because you know how hard it is for him to sit still in school you'd like to help him practice. Put the clock nearby and ask him to just sit and color for, say, 15 minutes (or 10 if that's all he can do). Tell him how it isn't very long, and tell him what the clock should say before he leaves. Even if he just sits and watches the numbers switch on the clock it would be practice at sitting and using self-control and trying to keep his mind on the coloring or even just the time or both.

I know that video games may possibly help build hand-eye coordination, but I tend to think he's better off without them anyway. I think he needs to interact with others and learn "the joys of" activities that require him to sit, concentrate, and get that nice feeling children (or anyone) gets when engrossed in something like L'egos, puzzles, or anything that requires thinking rather than action. It seems to me he's already probably great at action. What he needs practice doing is thinking and sitting.

What if, too, you did something like say, "I'd like us to go for lunch, but I don't want to go if you aren't going to sit at the table and not run around. So do you want to go and sit, or should we just not go, and I'll find someone else to go for lunch with some other time?" This type of thing would give him the chance to think if he wants to go, think about sitting in one place, and make the choice. If you think it would be too hard for him to sit for the whole lunch tell him you and he will get up and take a walk together for a minute half-way through lunch.

If you make one simple rule like, "no running in the kitchen because it could be dangerous" it could help him take a second and realize if he feels like running around crazy he will have to go to another room.

If you keep giving him "opportunities" to practice a little self control in small ways it could help him get a little more used to using self-control. He is apparently capable of it sometimes because you said he has "good days".

If you tell him you'd like to see if he's ready to be able to be in Little League and go outside and play catch but tell him something like "between catches let's pretend that rock is first base and run to it and run back" that type of thing would give him practice at standing and catching but also doing a simple extra thing (and having some version of a simple "game rule") .

I don't want you to think I'm assuming anything about your way of treating your son because, obviously, I don't know you; and, as I said, I haven't even had experience with a child with ADHD very much. I'm wondering, though, if you're underestimating his ability to behave and if he's at all adopting your underestimation of his ability to behave because kids do adopt messages their parents send. I'm wondering if you used a different approach (if you haven't tried this one), and say something like, "I know you have more trouble sitting still and listening in school than some kids do, but you're almost six years old, you're a smart boy, and you're just going to have to find a way to behave like the other kids do. You can run around as much as you like when you're not in school, and you can scream and yell when you're out playing; but you're just going to have to behave in school or else they're going to put you in a special school for kids who aren't very smart - and we don't want that because you ARE smart." In other words, I'm wondering if you've fueled his idea that he's incapable of behaving by acting and talking as if he is. Forgive me if I just lack understanding of your situation, but sometimes kids will rise to meet expectations if they sense someone believes in their ability to do so. Sometimes the kid who leans toward fooling around is a little too tempted to play up the "condition thing" if it is to his benefit. I know kids who have had a little trouble with something in school and who got the idea that adults were starting to see them as incapable and who really took advantage of that.

I know enough about ADHD to know that it isn't as easy as just saying to a child, "Look - knock it off." I know they have "issues". I wonder, though, if when it comes to the most unacceptable things (like mouthing off at the teacher) you were to firmly look him in the eye and in a serious but calm tone say, "Look - if you ever, ever, again DARE to yell back at Ms Jones I am going to have the school put you in a class with a teacher who will know how to teach you to behave in school; and, trust me, that is not what you want." whether that would work on that one thing.


I don't know if any of my thoughts on the matter can be at all useful, but maybe at least a couple of things would give you some ideas to consider. One thing I do know, though, is that when it comes to energy it can be like a flame. If we exercise we fan that energy and generate more sometimes; while if we don't fan it it may die down some and remain a low pilot light. I think because it is kind of like a flame that it can be turned up on high or turned down on low, but I don't think we ever really "expel" it through exercise.

I think, though, when we channel our energy into a "thinking" activity, like building L'egos something happens (maybe changes in brain chemicals) that is calming and the encourages focus.

I've known children of his age who are said to have ADHD who will actually sit for a long time and play L'egos. Maybe you could leave a set in your living room to encourage him to pick them up when they catch his eye.