i accused my 16 yr old son of stealing £100 frm his stepdad, now he wont talk to me?

Question

he has mental health probs, and a history of stealing, and is a compulsive liar, he denied it and stormed off in anger. i didnt get angry, just told him i wanted to help him because i care, and dont want him messing his life up, also said i would help him if he has money troubles. he has been getting into trouble with the bank since the account was in his name solely, since september, as i have seen the letters. he often lies terribly in letters to friends about his home life and his father, and when questioned in the past has admitted he made things up. he was self harming last year, i pushed him into having psychotherapy, which he resents, me and his dad and stepdad are all doing our best, his stepdad treats my kids like his own, gives them both pocket money each week, that his father never did, any ideas what i can do? we have certain proof of the way my husband is methodical, and its definitely been left different, and no it isnt my other child, he is very immature & honest

he does no hes well loved, and by leaving my ex, he has become more settled as his father would always speak to him dreadfully, and name calling. he has respect from both myself and new husband, he was happy when i left his dad, and very much wanted that, he even gave me away at my wedding to his stepdad

as for the money, it was well hidden in a tin in my husbands wardrobe, not in view of anyone, but he has been rifling through our bedroom, as other objects in my bedside locker have been moved or taken over a period of time

Answer 1

It sounds like he is resenting the break up of you and your ex. Children tend to do things to express themselves by doing things that will get your attention. Even if its wrong. Which they mostly do!
With him storming off like that, then you know in your heart he did take the money. The thing is, (and I know you won't like it. ) is start putting your money in a different place that you and your husband only knows. See if that helps. Also, does he like hanging around with your other son? If so, see if he can influence him a little. Maybe he just needs a little coaching from him. He may feel that no one understands him and understands how he feels about certain things.
I know its difficult, because he is a liar and a thief, but you are going to have to trust him a little. Try sitting down with him and ask WHY he is doing this to you. Ask if he is angry all the time or unhappy. And see if you two can work out a compromise. He may also be jealous of your husband or even his brother because they are normal. And he feels that he will never be perfect in your eyes. You have to treat both boys the same no matter what.
Good Luck!! Hope I helped a little.

Answer 2

First, get the lad where he can't "storm off" and confront him. Thieves hate to be caught. Liars hate to be disbelieved. But confront him and tell him you KNOW FOR A FACT that he is a thief and a liar, and you love him anyway, but must help him to stop this before he ends up dead or in jail.
Before you do this, though, you must be absolutely sure. Not just suspicious. Have your husband plant a bill dusted with magic dust (available from magic stores and security stores, it turns blue under UV light but is near-invisible otherwise) in the place where he leaves his money. When that bill (he could not serial numbers) disappears, have your confrontation and shine the UV light on the lad's fingers - he'll be caught blue handed. It may take a while for the suspect to strike, but proof is what you need. Oh, and be sure you ahve both boys present for the great revelation ... just in case the littler one is a culprit with an honest face.
The alternative is to start saving up now for the lawyer's fees.

Answer 3

How can he be getting in trouble with the bank,i wouldn't of thought at 16 you could have an overdraft or any kind of credit. You need to teach him to manage money properly and hide all your and your husbands cash where he can't get to it. Ring the police and ask them to come round and frighten him a bit,if he stole from someone else that's what would happen.

Answer 4

It sounds like your son wants attention (I'm not saying that you're not trying, it's just not good enough for him). I believe if he's 16, he's old enough to know what's wrong and what's right. He's not owning up to his actions. I believe if he faces harsh consequences, then it'll get through to him. You shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of punishing your child. He'll end up being punished by other authorities if he doesn't nip this in the bum now.

Answer 5

If he's tealing that kind of money, he may be into drugs. They can hide drug taking very well. You must keep your money in the bank and not put temptation in his way, also have a lock put on your bedroom

Answer 6

ouch, you have a real biggie here,,,,,
the trouble must have started at a younger age
and something must have triggered it
u need to get at that point
if you really love him
first learn to be more diplomatic
the oi git you did this approach is usually useless
first he has to feel and reciprocate the love
as that has gone in my opinion
(speaking from experience here of step parents etc)
get the love back by whatever means necessary forget the shrinks at least for now he has to be returned to himself and he needs you to do that.
I am NO doctor just experienced.
Best wishes

Answer 7

If you know all that then the best thing is to be more careful next, where you put your money, etc., etc.

He will calm down, eventually. But do not help him to do the wrong things by being less careful.

All the best.

Answer 8

Sorry, but couldn't his step dad have taken more care of his money? Leaving £100 around seems a bit like temptation. So presumably his step dad told you and you believed him. I'm not surprised that your son resents that.

Answer 9

You need to have him commited for awhile. Be careful with this mental problem of his, there have been teens with these sort of problems that have killed their family while they were sleeping.

Answer 10

BE PATIENT, he will come round and things will sort themselves out.