How much counselling will someone need for trusting people and telling the truth from parental problems?

Question

I discovered that partner of 6 monthd had been a compulsive liar and had also told different things to different people. When they 'supposedly' fell in love with me the problems got worse and it was as though they tried to push me away. I know they have terrible issue with their Mum as my partner is the only one in the family that she seems to treat badly and seems to like upsetting them. They are now having therepy, how long should this take before we can know that we can try again and things will be different this time?

Answer 1

There is no real answer to your question other than this one....it depends on the person. Therapy is only as effective as the person having the therapy wants it to be. If they have a real strong desire to deal with the issues at hand and work towards a solution, it will not take terribly long. But if they are the type to wallow in self pity and like the attention received when viewed as a victim, it may never get better. Your partner has to accept complete responsibility for their recovery. What drove them to therapy may have been out of their control, but their recovery is completely up to them.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that you are having such problems, and it's really good to see that you want to stick by your partners. There is no fixed time it takes to get over issues that stem from a bad parental relationship, unfortunately it depends very much on each individual case and person. But, your partner will be progressing much better with a loving and caring person such as yourself, knowing that you will stand by him and be there every step along the way is probably more valuable than 100 therapy sessions. Trust is a difficult issue, and when your own parents fail you in that area it is very hard to get over. I would try and build trust with him one step at a time, taking it one day, one thing, until you slowly get him back on track. 1 week without lying to you would be a real advance, so take small steps with him, if he has to change overnight and never "lie" again, it can be hard. If he slowly realizes that you are there for him and will stand by him he will realize you are not like his mother and you will be with him no matter what. Please don't give up on him, but also remember you were not put on this planet to save him, so keep a balance for your own life too, you also deserve to be happy. He's obviously had a rough time, and mother/child issues usually are the worst, but I would say 6 months of solid counselling and external support (you, other family members, friends) and he should be making great progress. Please also remember to enlist the help of others, his friends and other family should also be supporting you in this. Good luck with it, I hope you both end up happy :)

Answer 3

It takes a different amount of time for different people. My wife saw a counselor for a couple months when she was severly depressed and it helped her through it. For others it could take a couple of years to work through things. There is no definite timeline that works for everyone. Be pateint. It is worth it in the end!