in the uk what are the rules for contact with children?

Question

my ex is violent and has a record for violence towards me which at that time my daughter was 18mths old! she was a witness to this! after 2 years of him now messing about walking in and out of my daughters life and distruping her and constantly letting her down, he is now trying to get acsess to her! he is violent, and has not patiance with her he didnt bother with her at her birthday and xmas and when he gets told if she is ill he never enquires about her! lots has gone on he is also tring to kick us out of our home and doesnt care if we have to live in a hostel! i have got a solictor but just wanted to no if any one else has had to go through all this! will the courts order acsess i dont want him having unsupervised acsess to her his family r horrible 2 his farther writes nasty threating letters to us 2 and my ex constantly plays mind games with us! i have never let him have unsupervised acsess as i dont trust him! he hasnt see her for 4months as he refused to!

i feel it is unfair on my daughter as she has just settled in nursery and started to relax more as hes not around and i really dont beleive its fair or in her best intrests to go through all this again

Answer 1

ok, Firstly dont think the courts wont give him access, because they can!. They gave my dad access even after he attacked my mum with a machete when was 8 months pregnant with my little sister.

Im sorry I dont mean to scare the life out of you but I really dont have any faith in the courts these days.

Do you have a third party that can back you up in courts?? maybe an outsider/witness? Perhaps you can take her to the doctors and prove that it would be detrimental to her well being if she saw her dad now.

KEEP any nasty letters and things you have recieved and try to keep a diary or actalouge of events of when he has been nasty with dares/times ect.

Try not to lose to much sleep and make your self ill over this.....if he really is a waste of space do you really think he will keep up the visits? maybe he will get bored and give up, you may have to put up with half assed attempts from him to get into her life every few years.

Its your job to reassure her and make her feel safe. We all know what a wanker he is but try not to tell her this as she gets older. let her make her own decision as she gets older.

Kids have an seemingly unconditional love for their parents but at some point it does run out.

Be strong

Be brave

xxx

Answer 2

You're in a horrible situation and I really feel for you. Unfortunately there are no guarantees regarding contact but the fact you have a solicitor is a good thing. Provide any proof of his behaviour to the solicitor. It doesn't just need to be specifically about the behaviour towards your daughter. Keep records the times of phonecalls, text messages and any action he has tried to get you out of your home. It is very important that you inform your solicitors if he threatens to take your daughter without consent or to harm you if he doesn't get access.

His behaviour is probably because he is angry with you and hasn't accepted responsibility for his actions causing his criminal record. He may never do this. Try to remain calm and not respond to him. If you are concerned about your safety or your daughter's you must call the police immediately.

If he knows where you live and is harassing you in your own home, you may be able to have restrictions made on his attending the house. All this will be admissable in a custody or access hearing.

As a compromise for you (which would save you having contact with him too) supervised access is a good idea. You will know that your daughter is safe from harm and that is worth its weight in gold.

Your solicitor will give you information about all the options available to you and what you can expect. If he is blowing hot and cold about contact with his daughter, this too will probably blow over in time.

I hope things get easier for you. Please remember that this behaviour is a continuation of the abuse. It may not leave you with physical injuries but it is not healthy for you. You should not have to put up with this either. Don't forget to discuss this with your solicitor too.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

no court in the uk will give access rights to a violent man when there is a small child concerned... yes supervised visits are an option where he would maybe get an hour a fortnight in a neutral place with professional people supervising his visits...

i have kinda been in the contact situation before where my ex was trying to see his son (he was not violent) he went through the whole court process got supervised access once a fortnight, and once a fortnight he went and sat in the contact place only for his ex never to turn up... and there was NOTHING the courts could do about it... he never got to see his son

Answer 4

My sister felt the same about her ex partner having access to their son, she fought him in court over access. The court granted supervised access for a couple of hours once a month. The staff at the contact centres were really nice. My nephew was not interested in his Dad, he knew who was there for him and who his family were, so at the contact visits he just played with the other kids or with toys etc and he was only about two then.
His Dad was about as reliable as your Ex sounds so he soon got bored and stopped turning up.
My sister never told her son that he could not see his Dad, but he quickly learnt not to rely on him. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. They are resilient too!
My only advice is know the reasons for your decisions if you can hand on heart say I am doing it to protect my daughter then as she grows up she will understand but she will end up resenting your decisions if the answer is because you want to punish your ex.
My nephew is now 11yrs old, his Dad died about 18 months ago, he had not even spoken to his son for six months. My nephew has coped really well, he knows he is loved and supported by his Mum and all his extended family. All you can do is what you think is best for your family, nobody can ask more of you than that. All the best.

Answer 5

Its very sad this has all happened at such a young. Im sorry I dont have any idea about law and stuff, so cant help you there,
I was having a simular situation to yourself but I was lucky me ex would not go through the courts so I stopped the contact altogether and my son got on great, after a year and half my ex turned up and now he sees him once a week supervised as with you I dont trust him. hopefully one day, your ex might grow up and become a man,

~Best of luck.

Answer 6

Omg, you really have been through it haven't you? Don't worry about contact orders too much - men like him often get bored and don't keep up the visits anyway. You can insist on supervised visits in a contact centre. Speak to your solicitor again in more detail and see what they envisage happening in the long term. They will have more idea of the likely outcome as they have all the facts. Good luck honey and I hope your daughter never has to see him again x x

Answer 7

hun do not put your trust in the courts,do some online research,judges always grant access,Im in the same situation & I know they will give him contact centre access,then if he keeps that up for 3 months he will get unsupervised visits,Im really scared & dont know what do to,was looking up online when I found your question..the courts see it as,a child has a right to know his father & the violence was towards you not her.I know this is a load of....please do some research online.good luck.

Answer 8

I WOULD NOT WORRY,THERE IS NO WAY THE COURT WILL GIVE ACCESS TO HIM. YOU CAN REQUEST SUPERVISED VISITS THROUGH YOUR SOLICITOR.JUST EXPLAIN HOW VIOLENT HE HAS BEEN.