With a smirk, my teen just told me last night that she has disclosed a very personal family secret to all her friends and that her friends hate me because of it. I was stunned and am so hurt and embarrassed by this rotten behavior. I took her phone away and computer, but I did that out of anger. When I tried to talk to her, she just mocked me and walked out. If I had ever treated my parents this way, they would have beaten the living hell out of me. What should I do?
2007-02-05 21:11:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just talked to her. She said she did not really disclose the secret; was just mad at me for the moment and wanted a reaction. We really need time to reconnect so I am taking her to a resort spa this weekend, a mother-daughter pampering session. Thanks for all your replies; they were helpful (some funny).
2007-02-05 21:50:25 · update #1
been through this myself I know what teenage daughters can be like. Mine cut herself told everyone it as me and god my name was mud everywhere!
Tell her you want to understand why she wants to hurt you so much and calmly let her know you love her no matter what happens and talk to her at her level. Give back her fone and pc as a sign of tolerance and trust
There are much deeper underlying problems as to why you daughter is wanting to hurt you and you must find OUT what these are o get over this patch and get to know one anther again.
My daughter is now 18 a mother and married and is disgusted with herself that she did that to me but I forgave her as my only concern was why she had doesn't it not the consequence of how it affected me. We call each other everyday and get on great.
good luck
2007-02-05 21:23:18 · answer #1 · answered by angelrose0105 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on what the secret is. If a family had a secret that Daddy is a rapist, then that is something that deserves to be told, and Daddy should be veiwed as the bad guy, not the kid who told. And while I'm sure that your secret is nothing like that at all, and probibly isn't even an illeagal secret, but I think that aspect needs to be kept in consideration.
Obviously there is now a trust issue, as you can't trust her as much anymore. I think the best way to look at this is to view her actions as if she lied to you, because you had trust in her that she wouldn't tell this secret, but she did. Try not to punish her based of how bad you look now, or how embaressed you are, but over ther action. After all, she didn't CAUSE the secret, just mearly didn't hide it.
I really think the best way to deal with it is as if it were a hurtful lie.
2007-02-06 05:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by Grant G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could disclose a secret to her friends about her that you know would make her taste her own medicine. On the other hand, you could just tell her how sad you are that she did this and how you now really are disappointed to find out that you can't trust her and you can not treat her as an adult. I think that should be worse than many things you do. Finally, I think you learned a valuable lesson, keep these things from her or try not to worry about what others think about you and your family (easier said than done). I would not worry so much about what her friends think of you...its your adult friends who you need to think about more.
2007-02-06 05:21:20 · answer #3 · answered by immune01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like your daughter has no respect for you or your feelings. Maybe something happened to make her feel this way about you, Try & talk to her , if needs be take her to a family councelor, this may not seem that big now but later on it will get bigger. You need make sure she knows you love her & you would never say anything to hurt or embarass her , then make her understand that she should respect your feelings & sometimes what you talk about or go through as a family should remain with the family & not be told to strangers. Think of something embarassing she has done & ask her how would she feel if you told her friends about it. Communication is important in a family & i think you & your daughter have lost communication
2007-02-06 05:22:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't have burdened her with a family secret. She obviously couldn't handle it, she probably told you in other ways taht she wasn't mature enough to make head or tails of it, or in some way wasn't ready to bear that burden, especially at that age, to be asked to keep a secret. It's a difficult thing. I would not punish her if I were you, I would sit down and talk to her and find out if she is OK, and then ask her why she felt it was appropriate to tell all her friends, and then ask her if she was trying to hurt you, why? Find out why she is so angry with you and try to solve that issue. There's some reason she's acting this way, so find out why and see if there is a way for you to fix it. I doubt she's just being a jerk, but if you get to the bottom of this, and your gut still tells you she's being a jerk, then you better start working on her personality in general rather than just this one time event with a one time punishment.
2007-02-06 05:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your daughter lacks respect for you which is not a positive thing. I would not worry about punishing her, but lovingly let her know that you are hurt by her actions. do not worry about what others think and in time hopefully your daughter will gain some self respect of her own which will enable her to treat you with respect. You have a choice on how you wish to react to her behaviour, i would not let it get to you. she may be doing this because she could possibly be hurting for some reason and needs to hurt you as well (sounds weird) but people do things like this when they do not know how to communicate their real needs to those they love. when your daughter matures with experience she will treat you with the respect you deserve provided your own behaviour warrants respect. give her phone and computer back and tell her you love her regardless of her rotten behaviour, she just needs to learn a healthy way of communicating her feelings. Lets hope she does before any more damage is done to the relationship you have with her.good luck with raising a teenager x o
2007-02-06 05:25:31 · answer #6 · answered by clarissa l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think.. you should try to keep away from her for a while.. if you think she did the wrong thing.. then,, try not to make her feel that what she did was wrong.. there are many ways on how to discipline her.. if she told the family secret.. then maybe this is the time that you should accept it.. no secret can be forever kept.. for the mean time.. try not to be so harsh.. try not talking to her for a while... she will soon realize that what she did was not right.. she may feel that little by little.. maybe not now.. but the moment she see the after effects..
don't worry.. everything that happens has a purpose..
2007-02-06 05:19:41 · answer #7 · answered by chiechie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In future do not disclose any family secrets to her. Slowly isolate her from all family matters, she seems to be immature, u have to wait for her mental maturity. There is no point in beating the hell out of her. But be very formal and tight lipped while dealing with her.
2007-02-06 05:17:19 · answer #8 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what the seacret is. Is the secret the reason that she is acting the way she is? if so then you may need family therapy.
2007-02-06 05:26:14 · answer #9 · answered by eightieschick70 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just put her up for adoption, and then have a new child. You may miss her a little at first, but you will get over it. She has most likely been a pain in the azz since day one anyway...
2007-02-06 05:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by psychoticlawnjockey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋