What is the mentality of swingers?

Answer 1

The mentality is awareness.... aware that there is a difference between love and sex. You can have sex with anyone...but you cannot love just anyone. Sex can be purely recreational. Sex is fabulous. Of all the things I can do/be for my husband, I can only be one person... the same person...I enjoy seeing him being pleasured and feeling sensations that are different than those that I can provide. Obviously, he feels the same way. As long as you already have a happy, safe, compassionate and communicative relationship, it can be the icing on the cake. HOWEVER, it should NEVER be considered if your relationship is in any kind of turmoil, distress, or state of uncertainty. This is a joint venture... a shared event... an equal event. It should not be done to please only your partner... you BOTH should receive enjoyment from it.

Answer 2

It's simply two people that want to help their partner live-out their sexual fantasies while living-out their own, too.

Swingers, like some others, see love, life, and relationships differently than many others.

Swingers practice emotional monogamy if not sexual monogamy. Their relationships are emotionally closed and sexually open. They are true to their spouse. They do not lie to them (they don't have to). They don't sneak around behind their back (they don't have to). They honor their spouse because of the freedom given to them.

Swingers are able to separate love and sex. Or at least they realize that just because you want to have sex with someone doesn't mean you love them. This I feel is a huge part of the divorce problem. People think that because they want to knock boots that they must be in love and get married. Then several years down the road when the infatuation wears-off and real life sets-in, they realize that other then sex they have very little in common with each other. Hence, they split-up. Swingers know that lust and love are two totally different things. It's evolved and mature thinking.

Swingers actually have a much better grip on their sexuality then the general population since they are more sexually liberated and don't suffer the sexual deviancies of sexually repressed people. Swingers are not obsessed with sex... to them it's simply a fact of life meant to be enjoyed. Unlike the dissatisfied husband or wife looking online to cheat on their spouse because they're not getting any, or getting it the way they want.

Swingers also know that their spouse is with them because they want to be, not because they have to or need to be. The relationship is built on this, that neither one controls or owns the other. That each person could leave, but doesn't. They chose to be there because their spouse is everything to them AND great sex. They are companions, best friends, confidants, they know each other deepest darkest secrets that nobody else ever will. Secrets that many couples hide from each other for their entire life together. And guess what? They still love each other and want to be with each other. It is total acceptance of who each other is, without conditions or expectations other than "here I am... love me for it." How many of you reading this can honestly say that about your relationship?

For some honest and accurate information about swingers please check-out the links below. You'll find that they are nowhere near the stereotypes and misconceptions of the general public. Even Oprah found that out for herself when she interviewed some.

Answer 3

The responses so far have been revealing, yet not really surprising.

I gave John a begrudging thumbs-up, because although he admits that he neither understands nor likes it, he did give a pretty accurate description. And you have to respect that. Also RacerX and Marilyn B had excellent responses.

Swinging is not solely about sex. Sex is involved, yes, but it is not why we do it. It's a gift that we give to our spouse out of love for them, and one that we graciously and respectfully receive. The gift is simply this: we do not require that they try to deny their sexual nature for our sake in order to remain in the relationship. For my husband and I, this constitutes unconditional love. His undiverted sexual attention is neither needed nor wanted for me to know that he loves me. Instead, I tell him that he is free to be attracted to whomever strikes his fancy. Now, of course, whether or not he would act on that depends entirely on the situation. Being a swinger doesn't mean that we throw common sense out the window! For example, we both agree that it is highly unprofessional and inappropriate to become involved with anyone from work. Also, we steer clear of long-time friends and neighbours, etc. The whole endeavour of finding compatible playmates is fraught with pitfalls, and while you can control things within your own self and relationship, you can't control those of others. And their relationships are none of our business. Misunderstandings occur all to frequently, and if not managed appropriately (again, it comes down to what we have control over), it's very easy to lose good friends over something very stupid. So we just avoid that headache altogether.

Another myth: that in order to do this, we must become robotic and totally self-absorbed, shutting off our emotions and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of our own partner and our swing partners. This is absolutely untrue. We don't associate sex with emotional attachment at all. Therefore, it's safe to develop friendships with your swing partners. It's about the same as playing a round of golf with friends. Except sex is a helluva lot more fun. It's fun to see other people so intimately without the entanglements of emotional expectation.

I just wish there was some way to explain this concept so that everyone could understand it completely.

Answer 4

From what I understand, they disassociate sex from relationship and treat it as purely fun. To limit guilt and jealousy they jointly engage in extra-marital sex but hold their marital status as a separate issue.
In my opinion, sex is probably the most intimate and emotional activity we normally engage in and that sex without serious concern for your partners pleasure is somehow flawed. How you can do this whilst keeping a married relationship is one of the ideas I cannot understand but that is what they aim to achieve.
You can call it organized and mutually condoned cheating or you can call it liberating.
All I can say is it does not appeal to me.

Answer 5

Conquests, Trophies, Numbness, Emptiness, Solititude, Ego, and absolutely no self-respect.

Answer 6

Basically they´re ***** and they don´t care if it is with their spouses or not. Some men get off on seeing a man with a bigger rod, pleasuring his wife. Some just want to hear about it. And vice versa.

Answer 7

primeval...civilization has passed them by. if you are talking about sexual swingers, then think about how indiscriminate sex, can leave you feeling empty after orgasm. if i'm missing your meaning then never mind. :)

Answer 8

ummm .......... they want sex? That's all swinging is about. Just getting to a place where it is ok to go a have sex with someone openly with no consequence

Answer 9

Like their marriages, very short and shallow!

Answer 10

they are looking for more fun in their relationship... why you got a downer on them??? don't knock it until you've tried it...