How do you cope with someone who has depression and they won't do anything to help it?

Question

My husband suffers from depression. He knows this and flat out refuses to seek help. He says it will make him feel less of a man. He goes so far as to turn the channel when an ad comes on the TV for depression. He's always angry/upset/enraged/complaining or whining about some horrible that's happened to him. Or how everyone is against him, thinks he's stupid and that he's an awful person. He has a terrible sense of self-esteem. I can count on 2 hands the number of times I have seen a genuine smile from him.
I have tried to as supportive as I can, boost his ego when needed but I feel that my efforts are being ignored. I have talked to a professional about myself on occasion as well as the pastor of my church. I'm falling apart because the man I love is going to pieces. How do you cope? What's your secrets?

Answer 1

The first, and most important thing that you do, is take care of yourself! I personally know that is not as easy as it sounds. You must force yourself to eat properly, get enough rest, and take some time for yourself. I know your husband needs professional help, however,to make him understand that is a huge endeavor. Men refuse more often to seek counseling, for they feel the"macho" image, will be torn down and viewed as being weak or feminine.Have you asked him to seek help, if not for HIMSELF but for YOU? Express that YOU are becoming ILL and the situation is taking its toll on you? There are support groups that could help you, people that are in similar situations as yourself. Ask your Pastor where you might find such a group, and/or look into the Human Resource pages of your phone book. If you do speak to a therapist, inquire about a support group for yourself. The people there will share their experiences and give a number of helpful coping ideas. It is always easier, when you have people who can relate to the same situation, and know you are not alone in this.

Answer 2

Well, I've been through depression 2 times, so my suggestion is first of all, he should see a professional... Let the doctor diagnose him, not yourselves, it may/may not be depression... Remember that all healthy people go through depression at least ONCE in a lifetime... And from my experience, I can say that anti-depressants is the first step(it will change his perception and mood a bit and he shall get the idea that he is not bound to feel/think the way he has been in lately) , and they really work which must be followed by his own efforts to catch the pace of life...Please keep away from mysticism or alternative medicine, they only make things worse... I want to remind you that talentive and intelligent people get mentally and spiritually uneasy most, so try to focus on the other side of the coin... I'm sure he can increase the quality of your lives as deep as he hits the bottom... So, relax.. Depression is a managable ilness and is a sign of health... You will go through it and always feel stronger since you have been through hard times together...

Answer 3

Would your husband consider a herbal alternative like St John's Wort? This can be purchased from the health food store and is proven to assist in mild depression. I gather he wouldn't be interested in anger management? Depression is often a reflection of repressed anger and a course may help. What about meditation or subliminal tapes, NLP, etc? These alternatives may be another avenue to pursue. He sounds like he enjoys his misery and is bringing you down.....misery loves company. Don't fall into a depression yourself, you may need to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum - if he won't do anything to help himself he may do it for you if he thought you were serious (being cruel to be kind). At the end of the day you can take the horse to water.....best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

Being on the other side of the scale (being the one that is depressed all the time, while a loved one stands by and watches), I know it can be hard to watch, but it can be embarrassing to tell someone else that you are depressed or for someone to find out that you are going to a therapist or even on meds. There are ways to cope and get better on your own, but he has to be willing to seek those out and if they don't work maybe step up to the plate and realize that he does need someone else's help. Right now I am trying to get over the depression by myself with the support of my boyfriend and one other friend. There are some great resources online on ways to cope, which have also been a help to me. Though I have this support and trying to work on this on my own, I do realize and know that if it doesn't work out, that I have to seek out some other help, because I know how hard it is for a loved one to watch their mate suffering from depression and feeling like they don't know what to do.
So I would say try to be there for him, getting help for yourself I think is a great idea as well. Having to bear your husband's load of depression can be very strenuous and you definitely don't want to fall into the same depression. You might want to try and encourage him to seek out some help online, to find some resources that might of help to himself. If that doesn't work try to get him to seek actual help such as going to a therapist.

Answer 5

Weak kidneys and liver. Change his diet. No fats: oils, butters, shortenings. Leanest of meat. Fruits and Vegetables. No Sugar He needs a multiple vitamin and if he will not take them, grind the vitamins up and but them in the food. Water is a must to get the kidneys working better. Fear is the emotion of the kidney, anger is the emotion of the liver. I hope he gets help...keep praying and have faith, see him well, give thanks and give yourself a hug, you deserve it....he married a good woman.

Answer 6

There are no secrets. If he is not willing to help himself, I hope you're willing to help yourself, as you yourself are starting to fall apart. I suggest you seek professional help for yourself and follow the advice of your therapist on what to do about him.

Answer 7

Sounds like he's not outdoorsy. Take him out a lot to different places. He needs to get away from the house and socialize with others. If that doesn't help, he should see a therapist.

Answer 8

I have a mother that is the SAME way...dear...and sorry, but my answer has no answer....I live across the road from my mother...she is mentally ill...has been all her life basically and she is the same way...I cannot even talk to her without getting depressed myself.....only herbal cures or a physician's help will help your hubby out....no, wait...GOD could cure it......if he is into spirituality....he cured me of depression...cured me of LOTS of things...then blessed me by giving me the gift of insight and the Holy Spirit.....email me if you want a [e-mail]....

God bless you both...

Answer 9

Totally awesome that you are taking responsibility for him even though he is doing what he is doing. I would buy and read TOGETHER Dianetics or Self Analysis. Good luck! www.dianetics.org