My fiance's parents are refusing to discuss the wedding because they are hoping to pursuade her against getting married. They are a wealthy family, mine is not, and they are convinced that I will not be able to take care of her and want proof before they will discuss the wedding. We have 10 months to plan at this point and cannot wait any longer to start making arrangements, but I do not have the means to put on a wedding on my own, I work in the non-profit sector and have student loans. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with these people, my fiance is unwilling to sever the relationship and plan the wedding by ourselves, but we are out of time as far as waiting for them to come around goes.
2007-02-05 18:00:22 · 12 answers · asked by AA1981 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Be the bigger person. Go with your fiance and talk to her parents. Explain that you love her and will do everything in your power to take care of her. If they still refuse to accept the wedding, then make it clear to them that you CAN and WILL do it on your own. You can do it for way cheaper than you think, and you both can save up for a really fancy vow renewal ceremony in, say, five years.
Do you have a church that you regularly attend? They should do your wedding for free there. They might even have an event room (or a gym or a large conference room) where you can have your reception. Have a mid afternoon wedding. That way you can get away with just serving cake and champagne (sparkling cider if you REALLY want to be cheap, also if you're underage). Get her wedding dress at an outlet store (they usually mark them down to less than half the cost of retail). Rent your tux instead of buying it. Insist that the wedding party pay for their own attire and instead of buying everyone who participated in your wedding individual gifts, take them out for pizza and bowling. Make your own floral arrangements based on what's in season at the time and remember that wild flowers in feilds are free. Ribbon is cheap at discount stores like Wal Mart and Target, so are baskets for the flower girl, pillows for the ring bearer, and fake flowers. Votive and tealight candles make excellent accents to tables and are super cheap in bulk (which you would need to buy in bulk anyway to decorate with them). Consider inviting only 150 or less people. Get your wedding cake done for under 300 at a grocery store like Albertson's, they taste amazng and have some really unique and wonderful designs. Have the bride make her garter our of ribbon and lace (fabric stores sell really cheap swatches of lace). Have a friend (someone with a steady hand!!) take pictures, and have one of your relatives take back up photos with disposable cameras (buy in bulk here too, you save more); that way if both sets of pictures come out you will have more than you bargained for, and if only one set turns out good then at least you got pictures. Get kid sized bubbles (they are cheaper and better quality than the wedding favor bubbles) for guests to wish you well with. Decorate the tables or chairs with hershey's kisses, which sparkle in pictures, lets guest's munch on a snack, and makes decent wedding favors for when they leave. Dress up any accent (candles, flowers, even cheaper cake cutting knives) with ribbon matching your wedding colors. Use paper plates, paper napkins, paper cups, plastic silverware, and plastic table cloths matching your wedding colors (sure it doesn't look as great but it ties all your colors together, and no one is going to remember that they ate your delicious wedding cake off of paper plates).
Remember the day is about you smiling. In the end, yo will remember how she looked and the vows you spoke. You won't remember half the people that came or the color of the carpet in the reception room (unless it ends up in your photos) but really, it doesn't matter.
All that matters is your happiness together.
And the plus side is you get to tell everyone that her parent's cheaped out on the wedding and you two paid for it yourselves. People will look disdainfully at her parents (giving you reason to smirk), mention to her parents about forcing you to do it yourselves (making them feel bad), and complementing you on the wonderful job you did (making you two look really good). What could be better!?
2007-02-05 23:31:18 · answer #1 · answered by Ink Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your ages, but is that a factor? Are you able to take care of her financially? Will she be working, too, even if just a part time job? So many questions aren't answered here!
You don't need to spend a ton of money to get married. You can have a very small wedding with just close friends and family. The reception can have a small amount of food and the cake. Too many people spend way too much money on a wedding these days! This should be about the two of you, and not a big show!
But it sounds like her parents are being very protective of her and maybe wouldn't approve of anyone who isn't in their social class. Sorry, but I really don't know what you can do if your fiancee won't do it without her parent's support and money.
The only thing I can think of is to sit down with her parents and discuss your finances with them since they want proof. But if your fiancee isn't on your side with this, you may be in for some real problems even if you can pursuade her parents to go along with it. There are a lot more things that will come up in your lives, and if she has to get her parents permission for everything, I don't see much happiness for you.
2007-02-05 23:04:14 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan a cheap wedding then.
If your fiance isn't willing to do this without her parents then that isn't love, I'm sorry. When you are in love, noone else counts and when you are getting married only your spouse and you decide your future plans.
I would say plan your own cheap wedding or call it off until you can save up some money.
Remember though you will never be good enough for these people so just stop trying.
2007-02-05 20:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really wish someone told me that I'd be marrying my in-laws the same day I married my husband!
Don't let her severe her relationship. That isn't going to help and she's going to become isolated and my resent you.
It really is up to your fiance to resolve this. She's the one that has to stand up to her parents.
Elope. Or get married by justice of the peace and have a good reception after. I think big fancy weddings are just a circus show and a waste of money. What many spend on a wedding could be a down payment on a house or something way more practical.
Good luck
2007-02-05 18:13:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of time to plan a wedding? There is no such thing. If she really wants to get married the way she wants to she needs to stand up for you and for your relationship and say something to her parents. Her just standing back in the shadows while her parents make little of you and your work is really horrible. It sounds like you may be in love with the wrong person. I think you need to have one conversation with her today. Tell her that if you are going to get married it is as you are. No putting on airs like you are a wealthly prince charming or not. You love her, not because of her money, you just love her. She needs to love you for being you. If she can't accept that then she needs to move on to someone other than you. I don't know how much you make a year, but to marry and maybe have children in the future you may have to give up your work in the non-profit world. But nothing says right now you need to do that. Do you have the money from your current job to pay the rent and take care of the other things as well? It sounds like your girlfriend is a little girl and needs to grow up. She is not saying to much too defend you because she likes the financial support they give her. If she screws up with you she can always go home again. If she screws up with them and takes a real adult stand she can never go home again. That's why she is choosing them even though she can still look you in the eye and says she loves you. It is BS. It sounds like you are a really great and understanding guy. Please make a hard choice and choose not to get stuck with somebody like this girl. You deserve better and can get better. A wife or husband needs to be compatible all the way through, not just on the surface.
2007-02-06 04:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Planning a wedding by yourselves will not sever the relationship (just make sure they get an invitation)!
You will have to have a small wedding, by the sounds of it. You can't afford a big one, and you can't expect a dime from her parents. You are adults, and you are expected to pay for your own decisions, and that includes getting married. If they want to offer money, great, but it would be horribly rude of you to ask.
Basically, they think that you aren't good for their daughter because you can't even give her a wedding without their help. Prove them wrong...it will just have to be a smaller wedding.
2007-02-06 01:54:05 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your girl just need to plan the wedding according to what you can budget between you, making arrangements that fit with the money you two have saved. That is the best thing, then there will be no hard feelings from the families.
2007-02-05 21:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the time when you need to take a very honest look at your finance and make sure he is the man that will ALWAYS 100% of the time stand up for his wife and future children. Based on what you have written here it sounds like if you do marry him you are looking at a lifetime of disappointment from him. The issue here is not with your soon to be mom-in-law but with your soon to be hubby. His mom can not control anything unless he allows it.
2016-05-23 22:43:38 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation is not going to get any better. If you elope they are not going to magically come to like you. Your fiance has to decide what she wants to do and how she wants to handle her parents. This situation has potential to grind to a halt. It might be in your best interests to not marry this girl. Life is too short to spend it with narrow minded people as you describe. They might be wealthy monetarily, but they are not wealthy spiritually.
2007-02-05 18:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent $75 on my marriage certificate and we eloped. That was the best decision I ever made. Your marriage, your wedding day is about the two of you.....NOBODY else matters. But, if you still want the wedding, it is all on your girl.....she has to make it clear that you two ARE getting married....if the inlaws like it or not! If they love their daughter, they will get over it. good luck.
2007-02-05 18:12:29 · answer #10 · answered by ali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all on her. She has to take a stand... not against them, but for you. As for the wedding - she has to be told, by you, what you are capable of providing for her. Which I am sure she is aware of. Anything beyond that, must involve her family. Therefore, if she wants something extravagant, she must convince her folks to accept you. If she refuses, perhaps she is not the girl for you.
2007-02-05 18:08:11 · answer #11 · answered by Andrew 39564 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋