Im scared.?

Question

Im so scared to be a mother. Im 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, im 19 years old, and yes the father is still around. I know im young, so no one start complaining about that please. I want to have my baby, so giving it up for adoption is not an option.

Im just afraid that i wont be a good mother. I don't know what to do with babies. i get nervous around them. Im always scared im going to drop them. They are so little.

My fiance is no good around babies either, he is nervous like i am. He wont even hold a baby that is less then 6 months old, hes afraid they will flop over or something.

I know this isn't really a question. Sorry if i wasted your time, im just worried.

Answer 1

Well, you have the first ingredient for being a good mother- it isn't age or a man, either.

You are worried about your abilities- that in itself says that you care about the results of what you do. You'll be a good mom. I was 18 when my oldest was born, and I now have three. I'm not the perfect mom. No one is. The best methods vary with every child, so you're always going to be learning.

My advice:
1. Don't take any advice that includes absolutes such as 'every' or 'always'. It doesn't matter if 'every' child should 'always'- yours might be the exception.
2. Don't take any advice that seems wrong to you. Go with your gut- if it feels wrong, it probably is.
3. Remember that your child is a human being. Too many people think their children are posessions, pets, or 'gonna be a person one day'. Those who treat their kids like they 'own' them, have kids who rebel to prove that they aren't owned. Those who treat their kids like trained monkeys and expect a child to show off every new 'trick' on command end up with a child who can't do anything without direction. Remember that your child is a person right now and should be treated as one.
4. Finally, relax. As long as you love your child, you cannot fail- yes, you can make mistakes and have to retry things, but with lots of love and your baby as your priority you can not fail.

And one more thing. I sense you may be getting some flak about age and marital status- IGNORE IT. Babies don't need their mothers to be a certain age, nor for their parents to be married. They don't know anything about that. They need moms and dads who love them, that's all.

PS- funny story with regard to age. I'm short and look younger than I am, so when I was 17 and pregnant, I always got a lot of comments. People would say 'You look too young to have a baby" expecting me to respond by telling them my age. I would just smile- I don't mind telling my age, but if you want to know, don't play games, just ask, you know? Some would ask- others would babble on. After my 18th birthday, when I changed from 17 and preg to 18 and preg, I was standing in line when an older woman looked at me, shook her head and started in "Babies having babies......I was 17 when I had my youngest....."

I wonder what her point was? Did she think I was younger than 17, and suggesting I should've been as old as she to give birth for the first time? Or was she saying she had kids too young herself? I mean, what?????

Answer 2

Every woman worries about being a good mother and many men will not hold a baby that is younger than 6 months old. It would be nice if they handed you "How to..." books when your baby is born, but they don't. Not one woman on this earth knows what to do with a baby. You take it one day at a time. You learn from each other. When your baby cries, it might be telling you it's hungry, cold, lonely, its tummy hurts, it peed or pooped in its diaper and let's not forget that its behind might be sore from a diaper rash. You and your baby will learn from each other as time goes on. Just remember one thing and this is important, try to be patient with your baby. It is a small defenseless little person that needs love and constant attention. Hold your baby often and speak to it softly. Never shake it and never squeeze your baby too tightly. Even though it may seem like an eternity with the crying and the diaper changing, just know that it won't be forever. Babies grow faster than you think. Before you will know it, your baby will say "Momma" and then it will learn to walk and then run and one day your baby will pass through the door and turn to say goodbye and you will be alone again. They grow up too fast. Be patient and loving, the reward for that will be immeasurable.

Answer 3

If you and your fiance are really nervous, enroll in a parenting class together and get some practical experience under your belts before the baby comes. A class will help the two of you build your confidence that you are prepared for the first few months of taking care of a newborn and those are the hardest months. Don't be afraid to admit you don't know the answer to a question. Don't be afraid that a question will sound silly. You are talking about your baby, so ask any question that comes to mind. That's what responsible parents do, no matter how old they are.

Answer 4

Hey There! First CONGRATS on having a baby! I am sure alot of people will comment on your age, but you have shown maturity by keeping your child and I have to say it's nice to hear that you have supprt from the father aswell. Sounds like you are off to a good start already because having people around who love and support you will be amazing for you and the baby! I also think that it is normal to be worried about being a good Mom. I am worried and 28, so I know that age has nothing to do with it. Maybe you and the daddy could go take a parenting class to become more comfortable and learn of few tips on being a parent. I too am nervous about holding them properly, dropping them, not doing something correctly but I have friends who have reassured me that when you get your hands on that little one, and it's yours, that you just know what to do! So, have faith in yourself, read up on what to expect, go take a class to learn some new stuff, talk to your Mom about your concerns...but I think you will be fine - I think the fact that you are so concerned shows just how much you want to do well, and that is a sigh of a good mother!!!

Answer 5

What you are feeling is so normal. Yes, you are young but not so young that you need someone to drive you to the doctor. Becoming a parent is always scary no matter your age, financial situation or home life. I bet you will be a great mom since you have thought enough about being a good parent to be worried about it.

Best thing to do in your situation is read, read, read! One of my favorite book series for pregnancy and becoming a parent are 'The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy' and the rest. BabyCenter.com has great forums for mothers that you can join according to your due date month. Talk to your mom if you are close, talk with other mothers as well.

You should also take advantage of all the classes offered at the hospital you will deliver. No matter what your age, Newborn Care classes are HUGELY beneficial. They teach you everything from feeding and burping to swaddling, changing a diaper, bathing, dressing and taking baby's temperature. Also, sign up for your Labor and Delivery tour and any childbirth classes. The more you know the less scary everything is.

Remember that you can do this! You sound very intelligent and loving. You have a fiancee and you care a lot about this baby. Trust your instincts. Oh, About.com is a great source of information. They have videos on how to bathe a baby, swaddle a baby, soothe a fussy baby, breastfeed, formula feed, et cetera.

You are going to do great. Your feelings are normal and valid and in no way mean you are incapable of doing this. Good luck to you, and feel free to email me if you need to talk to another mom.

Answer 6

I'm 15. And I know alot about babies. I've been around them all my life and am pretty dwamn good at taking care of them. Look it's normal to be scared don't worry. Now you may not be so great with babies but rememebr this is your baby things will be diffrent. Besides they tell u and show u at the hospital what to do if you ask them you know. It's ok to be nervous but you should try to calm down for ur baby thats not very good on him/her *smiles* you'll be a great mother as long as you love and care for ur child. Stop worring so much. They are little when I first started being able to hold babies ( without people helping me lol ) I was scared I'd drop them just remember to keep there head proped up and if your worried that much about it don't walk around with him/her alot but you do want to walk around with your baby some. *smiles* if you have any questions or just wanna chat I'm open congrads on the baby.

Answer 7

Start looking for someone that you know or could get to know that is expecting or has recently had a baby, preferably either about to give birth or with a child less than 6 month of age. Hang out with them as much as they'll let you. Offer to help, to jump in & do what needs to be done. Try a mom's group or just hang around where pregnant women do, like a maternity clothes store, or the park or ask at your hospital if there is any new moms classes, you can meet people there too, some with due dates that will be close to yours!

Get a few good books too. Reading up on a subject can at least help you to feel a little more prepared, like at least you "know" what to do even if you have never done it before... A few great Books are:

So You're Going To Be a Dad by Peter Downey (Meant for guys but was soooo funny, I could hardly read it my eyes were watering from laughing so hard!)
The Think Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer(Great for educating yourself about your option in child birth & things your doctor doesn't tell you!!! Especially for c-section prevention.)
Belly Laughs by Jenny Macarthy (didn't read it but I heard its really funny and on the top of the charts for good books to read when expecting!)

Most of the fears you have are normal for any first time mom & dad to-be...only you are letting your age be an excuse for not being prepared. So get yourself prepared! You are an adult, you got yourself here and you will do just fine as you travel down this path you put yourself on. Please don't think I am judging you, I was 22 with my first. My first friend to get pregnant was 14, and then next friend was 20 & another at age 19. You will be as good a mom& dad as you want to be, & should you change your mind about adoption no one will judge you or look down on you. That is your child and you need to be making decisions that will be what is best for HIM or HER, not you or your boyfriend/fiancé. Really learn as much as you can, ask questions to everyone you know with kids even your parents if they are available, and really LISTEN to their answers. You can do this! And you will be a great mom if you try your hardest & then some! It will be difficult, it will make you sad, upset, frustrated, angry, and impatient…but that is when you try harder, you are more loving, more patient, more forgiving!!! You choose what kind of parent you will to be. And watch out for PPD! It’s a real pip!

Answer 8

Unless a woman has had a lot to do with babies most feel this way so you are not alone. When the baby is born you will be suprised what will come naturally. Go with your mothering instincts on most things. Look into pre natal clases, these will help and put your mind at ease. Don't feel you are alone. You will do a great job as long as you love feed and care for your baby. Talk to your mum for advice and join a group for new mums. Good luck and believe in yourself

Answer 9

I am the mother of a 9 month old little boy. Before I had him, I was terrified! I know that I may get some grief for saying this but, I wasn't very attached to him at first. He was this little person that I was responsible for, but that was all. After the first weeks it got easier. It didn't seem like such a chore to take care of him. I didn't mind getting up to feed him and change him. Now, I love having him around. When he's not here, I miss him. The house seems empty. My hubby always said that he was never going to change a diaper. Well, he's gotten pretty good at it now. Worry is what mom's do. You get used to it. Don't give up, even when it's 3am and you've fallen asleep sitting up feeding your little one. It's worth it. :)

Answer 10

listen first of all dont let the media and peiople tell you when you are ready to be a mother/// you ready when you two are ready/ and when you have it believe it or not your motherly instincts will come right out. and newborns arent as fragile as you think just keep an eye on that nurse in labor and delivery that is handling your bbay/ your gonna think she's throwing the baby aroound. when she moves it or feeds the the baby or change it. anyway your nervousness should only be financial cause as long as you love one another and tyou love that baby you'll be fine dont be nervous and dont take the baby to the docotr for every little thing call someone that has alot of children and ask them they know better than any doc ...i have 6 kidds wewwwwwwww!!!