My girlfriend is upset because her ex-boyfriend called her and told her that he is now in a relationship with someone else. She is upset because she says he said at one point (long time ago) that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. And now that he is in a relationship she says she feels like he didn’t care about her. Why is she upset over this matter when she is in a relationship with me? Does she still love him? When I asked her if she does she yells at me and says no. What do you think?
2007-02-05 17:03:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Specifics
I am 26, girlfriend is 27 years old
Long-distance relationship (2 hours away)
Going out: 1 month
I love her 90%
She loves me 85%
2007-02-05 17:05:58 · update #1
I think she still has feelings for him. They dont necessarily have to be romantic, although i personally think she does.
2007-02-05 17:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Yezmin Fernandez 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's quite a mess. It's really up for grabs. You'll never really find out from your girlfriend. She won't ever tell you the truth.
It appears that she still has feelings for him. I don't blame her. If you really "loved" someone, you can't just turn it off. It's okay to have feelings for another person, but it's the "committment" that counts. As long as you can "know" that she's committed to you, I think you'll be okay. She cares about him just like she cares about you.
However, don't get me wrong. I'm on your side here. I think that her "caring" for her ex is a little too severe. After she had 'cut the bond' with him, she should have done just that. Sure, she might be mad if her ex dated someone else, but she shouldn't let it show. And definitely don't get noticeably upset about it in front of you. That's her first mistake. You have every right to ask her about her feelings for this guy. And her getting mad at you for inquiring is her second mistake. I believe she's definitely has the "fight or flight" syndrom, and she's fighting. People usually get defensive when a subject hits a little too close. I think you caught her in a lie.
I wouldn't give up all hope. I'm sure she feels passionate about your relationship, but she's just not letting go of her past. I'd be very careful though. Keep an eye out for signs. If she says "we're still good friends", you have to give her the respect and benefit of the doubt and let her be. However, if you start to see things like her talking to him often, or going places with him. Then, that's when you have to confront her.
You have to think to yourself, what is the line you want to draw. And then, stick to it. If you are okay with her talking to him, then let her. If you're not, then you need to let her know. Then, if she does not respect your thoughts and feelings, then that is a clear cut sign that she does not want to let go of her ex and therefore you need to let her go.
If you love her and trust her, then give her the space. However, "sleep with one eye open" if you know what I mean.
2007-02-05 17:17:17 · answer #2 · answered by Scott D 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
in a lot of cases people move on but remain possessive towards their ex for eg, look at Cameron diaz she had a big *** screaming fit at Justin timberlake at some award after party because he has been hanging out with another girl meanwhile she's already had 2 other men in her life
now this doesn't mean they still love them. maybe just remind her that she moved on first and how does she think her ex felt about that. it's a bit of double standards.
or sorry to say and i really hope not for your sake but she might have used you to make her ex jellous and come craweling back to her but her plan back fired in her face and made it easer for her ex to move on, leaving her a little pissed and that may be why she yells when you ask her if she till loves him, which may i add is a defence tactic. if she really didn't have feelings she would be calm about it,
and as for this 85 and 90 % love you cant put a percantage on love it's a feeling you love or you lust one or the other
2007-02-05 17:21:01 · answer #3 · answered by omissy2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really what we think doesnt matter does it? It is what you really think that does. If you feel she is still in love with him or whatever then you need to talk to her about this. I would not put up with her answer that she gave you since you deserve her respect and again i would tell her this. It is possible that she was just upset because he maybe didn't want a relationship with her and then someone else comes along and he does...sometimes rejection is a hard thing to accept no matter what and its harder for some than others. Remember what may be not so important to you may effect her much differently...talk to her.
2007-02-05 17:09:12 · answer #4 · answered by ohio_angell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its okay if she still loves him. All girls will still love their ex's (the nice ones anyway) but they know its a different kind of love, and they have moved on. If she is constantly talking about him, or saying she loves him more, then she is not ready for a new relationship. You could try asking her to stop politely, because the past is the past. Just tell her you understand she loves him, but now its time to dedicate on this NEW love growing between you.
2016-03-29 07:12:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what it looks like to me:
She doesn't still love him, and she's offended that you would ask, because she IS with you now. If she wanted to be with someone else, she would be. She's upset because he told her he didn't want a relationship and then went out and got one with someone else. Which makes her feel like he just didn't want one WITH HER. Ouch. Even though it's in the past, she thought he cared about her, and now it looks like he didn't care as much as she thought.
So here's what you should do. Tell her you love her and you care about her and what's important is that you have each other now. Who knows what happened with that other guy. Tell her you're sure he did care about her, but obviously, since she's with you now, it didn't work out. Maybe with this new girl, things are different. Not that she's better than your girl, but they just have a different type of relationship. Not better, just different. Stress that. And stress that you love her and care about her and you're there if she wants to talk.
Also, if it bothers you that she talks to her ex, let her know that.
2007-02-05 17:12:13 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Bubbles*~ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Secrets To Getting Ex Back : http://ExBack.GoNaturallyCured.com
2016-01-25 13:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice question.
i think you are facing a battle of love.
1) you should know what would be a reason why they broke-up.
2) tell her about your feeling or your query when she feel upset to her exbf.
3) show to her that u r better than her exbf. it is your challenge to face this battle.
4) don't make any move that make her hurt. speak gently.
5) don't make your pride lead to this battle.
6) just listen to her what makes her calm.
i hope this 6 weapons will help you.
good luck!
2007-02-05 17:19:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring Your Ex Lover Back - http://ExBack.etnin.com
2016-03-15 16:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her time to get over him be there for her and she will she you are the one for her. Don't keep bring up if she still loves him that will only make her annoying and stray away from u
2015-04-27 08:26:38 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she just feels betrayed i mean put yourself in her shoes if you invested however much time, say a year of your prime life an later found out it was tainted wouldnt you be bitter an pissed about it for a little while? it has nothing to do with her feelings about you an you shouldnt be mad at her, anyone would be mad about that
2007-02-05 17:07:50 · answer #11 · answered by peeps you 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋