Dating...what's wrong with me?

Question

So I am 27 years old. In my whole life I have been on one date...about 2 years ago. I am not overly shy. I am slightly overweight. I am not ugly. People love my personality. But I cannot find a date. I do go to bars and the such at least once weekly. I cannot figure this out. Please don't be mean, I am looking for serious answers. What am I doing wrong?

Answer 1

I'm a 21 yr male in college, and I can first say that from my experience the bars are not a great place to find a genuine person to date. I go there for fun with friends, and while I always wish that I could find a decent girl there, it just doesn't work for me.

While I am younger than you, I know how you feel, trust me. I've only dated on girl too, and that was 4 years ago. I feel kind of pathetic about it, especially because I'm very much into diet and fitness, in excellent shape, and I believe to be very genuine. It sounds like you are a very nice person so I understand where your coming from. It's frustrating.

Sometimes the best (and worst sometimes too) criticism can only come from yourself. While I hate to admit it, I believe that my problems are that I'm way to shy, lack confidence, and am too picky in some ways.

What I'm getting at, and its my suggestion for your question is, perhaps sit down and counsel yourself- think about confidence, self-esteem, and pickyness because I think these are real important factors when it comes to dating.

Remember, pickyness is not exclusive to looks at all, for example I think I'm too picky in that I only look for girls that seem unexperienced (because I kinda am), but at the same time I realize that this assumption is bad to make because it might not be true, let alone a realistic factor to look for at my age.

How is your body language? Maybe you are unintentionally appearing to be "standoff-ish"? Maybe try to be a little more flirty. Stand up straight and be proud to be yourself (but not cocky :-) ). Keep your head up because I think much of the time men are more attracted to women with a good look of confidence. If peopel love your personality make yourself look more available. Maybe they don't realize that....?

Good luck to us single people!

Answer 2

, There is nothing wrong about your weight and your looks,you have to be friendly,be comfortable with the opposite sex. You have to pretend that they are your long time acquaintance,that you can laugh and joke with them in a sincere manner. And when you are talking touch their arm,hand, or their sleeve slightly to get more their attention.I do not flirt,, never did I use that strategy. I ask questions on their favorite topics,like football,games,etc...And I listen attentively,like he is the only person in the world for me,I always do the opening talk, like I 've met that person in some place,so I am comfortable w/him.The bottom line, don't be desparate and sexual in your mind, people can read you, if you are a woman ,you are a prey,just a click of an eye predators were surround you,if you are a man, women thinks you are dirty old man. Just interact and enjoy the people soon you will have a lots of dates. Happy dating!!!!

Answer 3

ok, for guys, looks count. Even if you have an amazing personality, most guys won't have the chance to discover it if you are not at least presentable.
You said you were slightly overweight? Go on a diet! workout! Stop complaining and take action. Not only will this change other guys' perspective of you, but it'll make you feel better about yourself, to know that you're making poistive changes in your life. After that, go get a professional make-over.

Now you should be feeling good and looking good, and guys will definitely take notice and many will discover that amazing personality of yours.

Answer 4

Are you sure you want guys from bars? There are many places to meet someone. On line, Speed dating, hanging out with your friends, the gym, at a resort on vacation. There are many lonely guys out there too. Just be yourself and use other resources. Why not search this site for what guys look for in 27 yr old gals. Take a break and go on a spa holiday and reflect on who you are and who you want to be. If you like who you are then great! The right guy is out there looking for you too.

Answer 5

I know how you feel.I just posted a question on wether to give up or not.It was a big help.Im 34 and looking and cant find anyone.Its tough out there,just dont give up.Thats what they told me.You probably aren't doing anything wrong,that certain someone hasnt crossed paths with you yet.I wish I could help more but Im in the same boat.All I can offer is Good luck to you!!!

Answer 6

You're not doing anything wrong. Just enjoy life and hang out with friends. Staying social and open minded is the best thing. The right girl for you will come along when the time is right...everything happens for a reason. Just stay confident and believe in yourself-have fun! Good luck to you!

Answer 7

i've got study a number of your questions and one ingredient you may manage and admit your incorrect with is the incontrovertible fact which you be attentive to absolutely no longer something of logic. Being truthful isn't correlated with preserving your very own delight, there is a few logic! What being truthful potential is which you think in something, it has no longer something to do with delight!

Answer 8

I read your posting and am sorry you have apparently suffered.

I can honestly say that many men are crumbs until they reach their mid thirtees. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, the girls they used to pick up think they are too old, their jobs suck.

Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves losing hair, developing gray and wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.

I used to tell my high school female students to make something of themselves and not to rely on a man to bring happiness. The The divorce rate is over 50 percent failure in the USA for first time marriages, over seventy percent failure rate for second time marriages.

You MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career and hobbies.

It is only when your career and interests are in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Love is not sex.. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy.

I think your choices of men are not good, that's all.

Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues men? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a man, stop it now. If you always criticize a man for small things and he leaves you, stop it now. I know no specifics about your situation, but do know it takes two to tango.

Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books.

I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know nothing about them. This is great to learn. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, /Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.

I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done EST, The Forum, etc. Thr Landmark Education Forum will help immensely! I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rather, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes mean family.

But it is noit too late. It depends on cutting out jerks early so as not to waste time on idiots . Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a man says he loves you and cheats, he does not love you. If a man never says he loves you but treats you well, he loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a man who can walk equally with you and you with him, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish and materialistic, cut that out. No one wants a gold digger. Make something of yourself to get your own cash.

Also remember: no one is perfect...however, remember personal hygiene, sweet mouth and breath, good body orodr, and nice clothes and haircut do go a long way.

Best of luck!

Answer 9

Have you ever tried asking someone out?

I have noticed women don't like to make the first move a lot of the time. Guys are usually as shy as the girls.

Answer 10

You may be putting yourself out there as being shy, so you should just try and talk more. You could go up to girls that you like and ask them out.