Should family opinions of my wedding hurt me as much as they do?

Question

I am 19 and my fiance is 26, We have been engaged for 2.5 years and love eachother very much. We were planning on marrying in early 2009. I unexpectedly got pregnant this october and my fiance and I have decided to get married this april. We are getting married in a non-denominational christian churce by the ocean. I have bought my dress already. My family think its too soon but our excited for me and for me doing what I believe is right. My fiance's family on the other hand feels the need to constantly trash our relationship. All they do is talki about us behind our back. I believe they may be jealosus due to cheating husbands and multiple divorces but I believe I am doing the right thing and this is what I want.

What do you think?


p.s please dont be too harsh with me, I am stressed out enough as is and dont need to hear about being "knocked up" or our age difference, I am very mature for my age and have had my share of experiences very young.

Thankyou so much for your opinions, perhaps its my hormones but i've cried atleast everyday over this! Its starting to strain our relationship and making me lash out at him and i shouldnt be doing that!

His sister told me about the faimly talking about us! She does this just to hurt my feelings! Shes 28 , never had a boyfriend and stays at home in her pajamas all day.

Answer 1

Your relationship started out between just the 2 of you.
Your relationship grew into a loving one between just the 2 of you.
Your decision to get engaged / married was a decision made by just the 2 of you.
Your choices concerning the adjustments you've had to make had been made...between the 2 of you.

As long as the 2 of you are in agreement about your relationship and the direction it is heading....as long as the 2 of you love eachother ..... than this is only between the 2 of you.

I know that it is difficult to hear such negativity coming from a place that you would like to consider as a source of support for the both of you, but in the end--your most important source of support is going to be from eachother. And trust me, once the baby comes, look for some of their attitudes to change!;-)
As far as what their "problem" is, it could be jealousy, or just that they are very pessimistic due to them not having good history at relationships themselves-they expect them all to fail and just generally have a negative outlook.
Whereas it is possible that should your hormones not be doing a square-dance right now, this may not hurt you as deeply...it is only natural that your feeling would be hurt even on a good day!

Just focus on the happiness that is about to bestow itself to you. You're about the marry a man you love and that loves you...you're about to start a family together with a beautiful baby on the way-which is SUCH a joy and a blessing! Maybe due to all this, you 2 will strive to ensure that your son/daughter does not grow up to have such a negative outlook towards things as what his family does.
Wishing you the best! Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 2

Don't pay attention to what his family says. If it were your own family, then they sort of have a right to tell you what they think...whether good or bad. But his family should not stress YOU out as much as it seems to be doing. Take it easy. Being stressed out and pregnant isn't a good thing!!! If you guys love each other (which it sounds like you do), then go for it! Being engaged for 2.5 years is a long time....if you could stay together through that and had planned to stay that way until 2009, then I think you will make it. Have a wonderful wedding and married life...and do it all for you and your future husband and child!

Answer 3

whatever you do is your choice. you are 7 years apart in age, and that's a big difference. you will be 6-7 mths pregnant by then, so expect more trash talk, jealousy or not. you might be mature for your age, but such is life. if you love him, then you are doing the right thing. stress is bad for the baby, so try to calm down before something happens in the pregnancy. that baby is the most important thing, ahead of the wedding and the family crap.

i wish you the best of luck, but without knowing the families, we can't do much else. ignore them, and focus on the life you and your fiance are about to have together.

Answer 4

Well,,there is an old say that goes like this "Opinions are like a$$ holes...everyone has one, and they basically all stink." Should it bother you? No. But I understand why it does. You need to ignore the negativity and rejoice in this experience. Plenty of people who are much older than you make mistakes and get divorced. Conversely, plenty of people get married young and have very successful marriages. If you are going into this with honestly and a clear head you should be fine. Congrats to you!

Answer 5

You just need to forget about everyone else and just worry about you and your relationship and fiancee. Like you said his sister is 28 at home never had a bf and she is telling you all the mean things for some reason. You should tell her that you dont want to hear anymore of the stuff she comes to tell you. You dont need to deal with her and all the gossip. so for get about what she or anyone else says. good luck

Answer 6

If you believe in your heart you're doing the right thing, then don't let what his family, or anyone else for that matter bother you. Personally, I believe you're doing the right thing as well, you're giving your baby a home with a father and mother who are married to each other and are comitted to each other. Let the future in laws rant and rave, and just ignore them. Remember that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words cannot hurt you, unless you let them.

I know it's easy to let stuff get to you right now, you're probably just a wee bit more emotional than usual, right? That's called being pregnant, you've got hormones running rampant in your body right now, you probably don't feel all that great, and you're planning a wedding to boot! You've got more than your share of stress right now. Remember to keep your priorities straight, your health and that of your baby come first. Make sure you eat right, get plenty of rest, and get ready for that precious little one who will soon be in your arms!

You might have your fiance talk with his family about their treatment of you, although it sounds like they've declared open season on both of you guys. He's going to have to stick up for you though. My husband and I have a pretty strict policy on this, I deal with my family issues, he deals with his family issues. He needs to tell them to lay off, at least until you've had the baby. They can think what they want, and say it amongst themselves, but it's just rude for them to let you guys find out about it. He needs to be protecting you from this, especially right now. You're right, you don't need to hear about any of this, from anyone, least of all your future in laws. Hope they straighten out soon, and if they don't, I hope you don't have to deal with them very much.

Best of luck to you, and God bless!

Answer 7

Oh hun!! I am 20... and my fiance is 30. We are getting married this July. I went through a year and a half of hell from my mom. With time she has calmed down and loves him dearly. You are going to get married and that is obvious that no one is going to stop you, do it!! So the pregnancy happened and you need to do things a bit sooner, then thats your choice. Why let them bring you down. Give it time hun. Good luck!

Answer 8

I wouldn't let it bother you, I am getting married in June and ever since I told everyone I am getting married every one under the sun feels free to put their two scents in. So I just think it is normal for people to act like that. So the best advice is to ignore them and do what makes you and your fiance happy it is your wedding not theirs.

Answer 9

I think you should search your heart for the answer! You already know what is right. And you shouldn’t give a @#$% what anyone else thinks!

#1 question to ask yourself! Do I love this person with all of my heart, hopes and dreams? What ever the answer is to this, is the answer to whether you should marry him or not. As far as if it's the right time... That's for you two to decide!

Answer 10

Don't listen to what anybody else says! It will get better just give it time! I don't think it is too soon at all me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months and we are talking about getting married at he end of this year! So what if you are pregnant they will get over it! It could be worse. I would just give it time!