My boyfriend's first love died of leukemia. Its been years since she passed away, but he thinks about her some times, listens to music that reminds him of her, even his email address and usernames for websites he adds an L at the end of his name for her name. I'm not jealous or worried. I just feel like maybe I'll never be number one. Maybe I'll never compare to her. I can't talk to him about this subject...he made me promise never to bring it up. That's why I'm asking this question on Yahoo! Answers.
2007-02-05 14:45:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's a tough one, as you feel you will always be in competition with someone not there. I kinda went threw this, and he couldn't let go. I guess just realize she was his first love, and you'll be his last!! You know he feels this way sometimes, and I guess it would be best not to worry to much about it. You'll never replace her, but you are equal. Just know he thinks of her, and he always will. Don't worry! Good Luck!
2007-02-05 14:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by Suzie- Q 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish, but neither is he. Loss is a terribly hard thing, and sometimes you just don't get over it. You need to decide if you really want to love someone who still puts someone else first. It isn't like she's still alive and he would cheat on you with her, but if he still loves her more than you, then you have to decide what's best for you. If it's going to hurt you and make you feel insecure and second best all the time, then you are foolish to try to make things work out with him. In time, he may come to realize that the past is over, and he needs to make a life in the present. But it isn't something you can convince him to do. Either he loves you for who you are and can love you completely, or you may be second best and never good enough. It really depends on how you feel about it, and if you can live with it. If you can't, explain it kindly to him and remove yourself from the equation.
2007-02-05 22:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish I think its just hurts alot. I think you will be number 1 to him, maybe he just needs time to heal. Losing your first love to someone else is hard, but losing your first love to death has to be terrible. Just be there for him, in time he will come around. Just give him the space he needs to grieve. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-02-05 22:52:04 · answer #3 · answered by Dolphin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you're being selfish. If he's special to you just be thankful that you are special enough to be in his life now. If you're insecure about a deceased ex then it will show and it will surely make you less appealing to him. Just relax and let your relationship grow.
2007-02-05 22:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by dave w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's normal to grieve. However, if he comes across as being unable to move on or even obsessed with her, then he might need to see a grief counselor.
2007-02-05 22:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Michael F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL thats serious. HE isnt over her. THE L at the end of the name is an example. THE OTHER is he cant talk about it. I WOULD MOVE ON. OR GIVE YOUR SELF SPACE . LET HIM SEE WHO U R.
2007-02-05 22:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think your being selfish it just that u gotta understand that his 1st crush passed maybe he has letting go issues...as they say people never forget their anything.....
put urself in his shoes though if your 1st love died wouldnt you feel a lil somethin
2007-02-05 22:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by physco_porsche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems kinda normal to me.
I mean, he did love her a lot.(well it seems that way)
Maybe it would help them though, to talk about it.
Maybe if he goes to like, a counselor...and you could go with him for support...
2007-02-05 22:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋