He asked me to meet him for a meal, & he is married with kids. Ok to go, or not ok?

Question

So this guy (he is 25 and married and has kids) from my last workplace has always been friendly (and a bit flirty) with me. Once when we were talking, his wife (who works in the same co.) came by and he introduced us. He suddenly a bit uncomfy. He had taken my number, & gave me a call, and asked when we could meet for lunch or dinner. I told him to give me some time. I also said would that be ok, and what about his wife? He said "Hey, she has friends who are male". I am hesitating. Am I being paranoid? (Once when we were talking, he did mention that he has thoughts of exploring other options, becoz his wife isn't perfect, altho he said he respects her, but he is stopping himself because he has kids.)

So what is this guy wanting with me? Just a good time with a single gal? I dont deny he is nice and friendly. But I dont feel right about it, because I am not sure if he will be telling his wife or not. I dont want to hurt him with a no either.

I am getting the impression that u guys are thinking that I like him and want a relationship with him. oh no no no. He is not my kinda guy in the first place. And it was he who flirted a little, I never flirted. I was just being nice and polite all the time.
And no, he can never sleep with me, coz I wont allow it. All I asked was is it OK in ur point of view, considering all the factors that I have mentioned, to go for a meal with him. A meal, which includes nothing else. I am not a kid that I will allow him to take advantage of me physically.

So married men and women, dont hv friends of the opp sex who they go out to eat with? (just debating diff. angles, and playing the devil's advocate.)

I hv reached a decision. I won't go out with him and will tell him a no. I will say I am uncomfortable, and would be more comfortable if he gets his wife along. Hope he will understand and hope he wont think I am not a friend because I am refusing him. You guys have strengthened my hesitancy. Thank you guys.... More responses are more than welcome. I want to hear all ur point of views.

Answer 1

He's a big boy, so he should be prepared for a possible "NO" from you.
The real important question here is are you comfortable meeting up with him?
Do you trust yourself? Or are you afraid that you'll wake up one day & say "Woops, I'm having an affair with a married man, I sure didn't see that one comming!"
Does he have some majical power over you that you can't resist?
I have a few female friends as well but the thing is, I wouldn't go setting up a dinner date with any of them without my wifes knowledge, & if I did meet one of them outside of her presence, it wouldn't be because she hadn't already been invited to join us if she wanted.
When I am talking with any of these female friends of mine, I don't tell any of them that my wife isn't perfect, or that I am open to exploring "other options" either.
I find some of my gal pals to be better friends that their male counterparts. I feel blessed to have them as friends, but I consider my case to be the exception rather than the rule.

I don't want to steer you away from a possible good friendship, but the chances that this guy is grooming you for a different agenda are probably greater than not.

But as I have already said, if you are capable of telling him to take a hike as soon as he starts to deviate from the path of righteousness, then I see nothing wrong with you following through with what might be a pleasant dinner meeting.

Otherwise put the brakes on now, so you can avoid discovering yourself on a slippery slope.

Answer 2

Not Okay, please don't be fooled by this man, his wife deserved respect by him as well as you. This man isn't showing her that respect by inviting you to dinner. He doesn't respect his marriage, or his kids at all. If he felt uncomfortable he knew it was wrong ( his guilt was showing ). When you found out that he was married , he became off limits. What this guy wants from you is an affair that's where this is going if you allow this to go on.
He may be a nice friendly guy but he's married with a family . So don't allow him to use you to justify what he's doing to his family . Put him in his place tell him that you thought about it and this is something that your not interested in at this time or any other time .

Answer 3

You yourself said that you don't feel comfortable. Take that as a sign that all is not well. A little innocent flirting is one thing, but to meet him for a meal when he has a wife and kids at home? Only you can answer this and still be able to sleep at night. If it were me I would not meet him. You don't know what to expect from the wife. I would keep my options open. Good Luck

Answer 4

Run, do no longer walk, removed from this courting! He needs you to do a hundred% of the cooking and cleansing, while you artwork finished time. meanwhile, he won't carry a finger around the homestead. And together with his lifeless-end interest and not believing in coaching, you is in basic terms no longer waiting to attend to to pay for a housekeeper. as nicely, he's rather disrespectful of you. issues are continually his way or the line. Plus, he treats his pals extra appropriate than you. you're youthful, and could concentration on getting your occupation so as. Boyfriends we've had in our teenagers and early 20s are regularly no longer the the superb option people for us as we modify and strengthen. to that end, you have grown up whilst he did no longer. by no potential ever marry somebody and assume them to alter. women persons have been doing this for hundreds of years. the guy by no potential (or very very hardly) variations, and the female is locked into an risky, unhappy marriage. (much extra so in the event that they have a baby.)

Answer 5

Sweetheart. Leave him alone. He is bad news. What if his wife finds out. She could be the psycho type!! He probably just want sex. If he respected his wife he wouldn't be talking to you. He is not going to tell his wife get for real. You don't want to hurt him. Girl. Forget him A MAN WILL TELL YOU ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO GET IN THOSE DRAWERS(PANTIES, THONGS WHATEVER)
P.S. In the meanwhile listen to Changing Faces song- Other Woman or Monica- Sideline Ho
Been there done that Babygirl

Answer 6

No, it's NOT alrright and you know it. You should never be around a married man unless his wife is included in the plans like the 3 of you having lunch together.

you don't want to hurt him? Give me a break! Do you know how lame that sounds? Do you know what we call women that are too friendly with married men? SKANKS! WH*RES!

Answer 7

A married guy who wants to go out with a woman who isn't his wife, and it's not business related, is looking for something extra marital. Do you want to get into that? Perhaps hurting his marriage, hurting another woman (the wife), maybe the kids? Is he worth doing all that damage for? Are you that desperate? If he wants to get together with other friends outside of work, why doesn't he get a group of friends (including you and I'd suggest taking a good friend along who understands the situation so you are never left alone with him) together so you are safe and there's no chance of anything going too far? If his marital situation is so bad he has to look for outside love and attention, then why does he stay married--to protect himself, to have the best of both worlds. And then is he taking into consideration what his fooling around will do to his wife, his family, to you??? Of course not, he's just thinking of himself and when all heck breaks loose, then he'll feel bad and repent but it'll be too late, he'll have hurt so many people. If he asks you out again, tell him you want to clear it with his wife first, make sure it is ok with her and with their kids because you don't feel he is interested in keeping it chaste and platonic--see how he reacts to that. Also consider that he may be looking for someone to unload all his marital problems on, someone to complain about his wife and family to. Is that what you want to spend your time listening to? No one is perfect, and he's never going to find someone who is. Yeh, his wife may have friends who are male but is she going out on dates with them? (Even if she is, do you want to be "the other woman"? It's a lonely life, he'll never be there on holidays, you can't call him when you want to but always have to wait until "safe" times or wait until he calls you and then have to put up with have the conversation on his end suddenly get weird because someone walked into the room that might overhear, you will always have to be careful who sees you two together, you'll never be invited to his house, things will always happen at yours). Etc. Is he worth that and do you have no other male acquaintances who can give you what you want without so many strings attached? Listen to your intuition because it's picking up more information then you realize if his advances are making you uncomfortable and you're head is telling you something isn't right. He won't suffer very long at all; it just doesn't mean that much to him and he'll just find some other young woman who isn't as centered and confident who'll give in and get all tangled up in that mess.

Answer 8

Nothing good can come from this relationship you should end it. Will his kids be happy if it causes a divorce, do you care if it does will his wife get hurt, will you get hurt, will he give a crap after he gets what he wants, if he does will you be ok with that. He's a loser and you should stay away. Tell him if he persists you'll tell his wife.

Answer 9

def a bad idea to go with him...im not saying he isnt a nice guy but the whole situation sounds a bit odd and unconventional...the best thing to d ois to just stay away from that and turn him down and cancel the lunch

Answer 10

if you don't feel right about it...don't.
some guys are pigs. Some guys want to fulfill their boredom in marriage by meeting single girls. you will be taken an advantage of. Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't put myself in that situation...especially if you guys been flirting.
just think how would you feel if your husband did that to you.