My 9 yr old son thinks his new haircut is bad and is devastated, wanting to commit suicide. What do I do?

Question

He just cried for 2 days. He has low self-esteem, except when he's playing basketball. He gets bullied at school. Today he told me the horrible comments the kids at school said about his hair.

Answer 1

First of all, he needs to know that it "will grow back." He should also learn a little levity. If it really is a bad haircut, be honest with him. Crack a few jokes yourself, and hopefully you'll crack a smile from him. Help him to come up with some of his own ammunition about his hair for when others start to tease. When they see that it doesn't bother him, they'll quit teasing him. If they know it bothers him, they're going to keep doing it. That's the nature of the beast. You could even show him some pictures of you guys when you had bad haircuts as a kid. Let him know that people survive (quite easily), and that it's almost a rite of passage.

I teach 9 year olds, and while most of them don't talk about suicide, they're also not idiots. They DO know that people kill themselves, and they DO over-dramatize things. Don't ignore his use of the word "suicide," but don't wig out and think he's seriously contemplating it. YOU know your son more than we do. If he's not usually this sensitive, it's quite possible that he's just got a devastatingly bad haircut. If he IS sensitive, you should definitely seek therapy, even on the school counselor level, for your son.

Answer 2

Wow, Linda D obviously needs the advice of a professional herself. Please ignore her. The fact that the hair will grow back doesn't address what your little boy is dealing with right now. True, it's about stuff that's superficial and that will change within a pretty short time. But I remember what is was like to confront what other people have to say about you at that age, and it's brutal. You may not be able to protect him from that fallout 100%, but you can give him your reassurance that (1) it's about other people acting stupid, not him; (2) people whose good opnion is worth having will stick by him. They really will. If it's just a transitory bad-haircut reaction, I think that will cover it.

But you brought up the word suicide, which is quite scary. What's going on here? I know that pre-adolescents are prone to dramatize things, but if your son himself has used the word suicide, please do take it seriously and find someone trustworthy that your son can feel comfortable talking to. I feel it's unlikely that your son would be contemplating suicide over a haircut, but might he be using the bad haircut as a convenient way of explaining some source of pain that's a lot more complicated?

I would only say, I don't think this is really about a haircut, and please don't give up. Your son is sending you a message loud and clear. I wish you both the very best.

Answer 3

Does he have enough hair to get another hair cut? If so take him to get a new hair cut. Regardless reassure him that it will grow back fast. As far as him having low self-esteem I would suggest asking his school counselor what type of counseling groups does his school offer. My son was in a small group for self asteem in his school and it has helped him tremendously! He has came out of his shyness, his grades have came up, has made alot of friends and he really enjoyed the group. PLEASE ask his school counselor about this type of group, your son can really benefit from this.I would encourage anyone who has a child with any type of problems to ask the counselor about school counseling groups.Hope this helps and give your son a really big hug, it's tough being a kid with low self esteem and a bad hair cut to boot! P.S. If your son is talking about suicide please don't ignore his comments. Get him to the doctor. Many kids of all ages have depression issues. Good luck & best wishes!

Answer 4

Alright is your son seriously committing suicide. No 9 year old should even know what suicide is. Tell him to get over it and that his hair will grow back. Tell him to tell the bullies at school to back off. There is no reason he should be that upset about a bad haircut.

Answer 5

He's being dramatic...I would tell him a joke...something that we used to say when learning to cut hair..."what's the difference between a good haircut and bad haircut? Two weeks" Take him to the salon/barber and have it fixed how he wants it.

Tell him that just because he had a bad haircut that is no excuse for him to say he wants to commit suidcide, and ask him what is the real issue there. Somethings bothering him, you should sit down and talk to him or ask him if he wants to talk to a counselor.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Kids can be so cruel! Is there anyway that it can be fixed? If not have it shaved down and make it into a short spike type do. Buy him some gel. Hair will grow you need to work on his self esteem issues. Good luck.

Answer 7

Wow that is drastic. Kids can be mean but bullying is not allowed or tolerated in school. If you know IT is going on contact the school. They will take you seriously. Measures will be taken. Good Luck.

Answer 8

If this child is actually wanting to commit suicide over mean bullies, Take him to a therapist. Life is hard and this will seldom change. Make sure he knows you are on his side and you need him

Answer 9

This has nothing to do with his hair. If your 9 year old knows what suicide is & thinks it might be an option, you need to get him into therapy RIGHT AWAY.

Answer 10

Offer to let him have it shaved/buzzed. Its a very in style right now, can easily fix the wrong and how bad he feels. Just don't go back to the same place - and don't do it yourself! :P