oh god, son says he wanna quit school...?

Question

Here was my question in the morning
Hubby and I are both believe in physical dicipiline.. I mean we first talk and do all other dicipline but in the end if nothing else works we have what we call belt situation... either hubby took off his or I borrow his belt to make things clear... son has been bullying, breaking glass, hitting other children, ...and lots of bad thing... we talked to teacher, with talked with him, we talked to counseller... nothing work, right now hubby is on bussiness trip and mother of one of my son's friend called and said he again beat his son, and was a bully... last time hubby told him if he do that again he will dicipline him with his belt infront of everyone and he was dead serious.NOW,that child's mom called hubby, got the cell number from a friend of friend, hubby came home furiously took of the belt went to son's room which by the he invited a few friends he diciplined him with his belt in front of everyone... now things got worse he wanna quit school...

Answer 1

you screwed up badly.. leave the belt alone for a while, you used it too much that it lost its effect, how about with hand or a stick?... home school him and let him recover from trauma...however,if he is impossible do physical but try something new , guessing belt lost its effect try wooden stick or hand

Answer 2

This sounds like a terrible cycle. Your son gets a beating with the belt for doing something he isn't supposed to, that in turn teaches him that beating others is ok, so when he does beat other kids, you in turn beat him more with the belt. Kinda reminds me of the Jeff Foxworthy joke where his son is playing in the yard with a friend and he hits his friend, then Jeff walks over to him and smacks him and says "we don't hit". Depending on how old your child is, depends on whether he's "reachable" now. If he's in the late teens, then most likely, you're outta luck. If he's a lot younger, then you might still have a chance with some family counseling. And Dad needs ALOT of anger management (the child probably does now too). You both need to attend some parenting classes on how to properly discipline a child at the different stages of childhood. Don't get me wrong, I think spankings (not beatings) work for some kids but only as a last resort. But you should NEVER hit anyone with a belt!!!! That is considered child abuse. They do leave marks!!

Answer 3

What.. I know it's too late but I had to say this..

You are his parents.. The violence u show makes him think about beating constantly..

Have u listened to what his problems are? If he doesn't open up, don't force him... I hope you show hin affection. And punishing him in front of others only makes it worst.. He'll feel abused with that.. How would you like it if your dad hit you with a belt in front of people? Betrayed.. Unloved..

What I think is best is to talk to him and give different and lighter punishments.. And talk a little.. And try giving some space for him to learn from the mistakes by himself..

- this is from a child's point of view..

Answer 4

Exactly how old is your son?

I believe in "spanking" or whatever...

there's a fine line between disciplining and abuse... remember that. Using an object now days is abuse.

As far as him misbehaving, it sounds like there may be underlying issues. Does he have a lot of friends at school? Does he get made fun of? Do you (parents) spend *quality* family time with him? Is the only time you pay attention to him when he's doing something wrong?

Instead of deciding what to do when your son says he wants to quit school, you need to discover the root of the behavior first. Him saying he wants to quit school and being a bully isn't the actual problem, it's just a SYMPTOM of the problem.
Maybe disciplining him with a belt is showing him that it's ok to beat the crap out of someone when he's mad, just like his dad does?

I don't know...
but you need to find out the root of the issues.

If he's a teenager, most of them want to quit school. Waking up early every day sucks, and teenagers aren't really adults yet. Besides, he needs to have your permission to do it.

Answer 5

Do you not see the connection here?!! When he doesn't do what you want you hit him with a belt. When his friends and school mates don't do what he wants, he hits them and bullies them. He's doing exactly what you taught him to do. On top of that you are embarrassing him in front of his friends by whipping him with a belt in front of them. I can't imagine why he would want to go back to school now. You, your husband and son need to get counselling. You have taught your son to handle life by bullying and hitting. You need to learn how to handle things appropriately and help him to learn how to handle his anger and deal with his peers. Can you imagine how much relief he would feel if you put your hand on his shoulder, told him you love him and are sorry for your mistakes with him and will get help for the family. Please make the first step and get help. What you've been doing isn't working, try a new approach. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I was belted as a child and I tell you one thing IT DOES NO GOOD! All belting does is lead to depression and self loathing.. it doesn't dicipline all it does is make you hurt inside.. you need to find better ways of diciplining your child so he knows what he is doing is wrong but won't feel like a piece of crap afterwards.. this is probably WHY he is lashing out.. I love my parents however getting the belt disgusts me

Answer 7

Have someone come in or watch the nanny show! its on tonight great ideas. Offer him to do home study. Ask his teacher or school lot of times they will allow you to take off a couple weeks and do home study. If spankings are not helping how about pure grounding? Hes to stay in his room only come out for bathroom breaks. No TV, GAMES, STERO, COMPUTER, TOYS. Just bed, clothes, books (good educational books), the Bible, and homework. All meals are to be delivered to his room. Yes, its kinda like prison and you might even have to put bars on the windows but you all are in deep and might have to do something just as big. Oh and also he has to spend an hour with you and an hour with hubby everyday can be anything from cooking to tv to anything. Also even if he is older make a reward chart for every page he gets done he gets 5-10 mins of something he likes like tv or game reward him on good things make a big deal about it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I can see where he'd want to quit school - and run away from home. You beat him - which teaches him it's ok to beat others. You beat him in front of his friends which has to be humiliating to him. He'll probably go beat someone else now to make himself feel better. You and your husband need to get some help immediately to learn how to deal with your son. You should all try family counseling. Good luck.

Answer 9

OK - I am going to state the obvious here.
Spanking got you here. And it did such a FINE job. Yes OBVIOUSLY if you just hit him more THAT will do the trick.
Get your entire family in front a shrink. NOW. You probably have still screwed him up beyond repair.
Insanity is by definition, doing the SAME thing expecting a DIFFERENT result.
Wake up people. It is one thing to swat a toddler and another to beat a teen.

Answer 10

Maybe he could switch schools and have a fresh start at a new school. Does he do any extracurricular activity?? If not he should be doing something a couple of times a week. But I really dont agree with inviting his friends to watch his punishment he is only going to resent you more and act out more.

Answer 11

well gee, i wonder where he learned to be a bully? you have your own selves to blame, your child learned to hit from you. And embarassing him in front of his friends? OMG thats the worst thing Ive ever heard, no wonder he wants to quit school, he probably wants to move out of your house too. I wouldnt blame him. You and your husband should get some parenting classes to figure out how to deal with your son, the problem is not him, its you and your husband. He is only reacting to the situation hes been put in.