How do i overcome a fear of intimacy?

Question

I have become good friends with a guy i know in the past few months but now he has started to put a move on me and i got very akward even though i do like him. I have had similar experiences in the past where either i have been too afraid to make a move or when the guy does, i freak out. This always causes them to feel rejected although i do not mean to reject them. I think i do this because i fear intimacy. I have read articles and they all blame childhood experiences or fear of rejection. I was raised in a household which was loving although my parents did not show too much open affection or intimacy and i dont think i push away when someone tries to get close because i fear rejection. why am i pushing him away even though i like him, and how do i overcome my fear of intimacy?

Answer 1

There is nothing like the love you express with someone you really love. When you express this love to him it can get so intense that you have to be prepared for what happens and be protected if you intend to have a free and spirited relationship. You have to know yourself first before getting intimate with someone. Whatever you do with him or someone else there is always going to be chances you take....are you prepared to protect yourself will you be able to handle it mentally as well as physically....some people's religious faith reminds them to wait for the man they are going to marry before they are completely intimate. Whoever you are with now they need to know how you feel about this subject so they won't keep pressuring you if that is how you feel. This day and time sexually transmitted diseases are so terrible to contract with the problems they cause women who want to be a mother. Some end up not being able to conceive. The young male and female's hormones are raging and so hard to control once they are aroused. Women now days know they don't have to be intimate if it's not what they really want....you don't owe the man anything....until you are ready.
Whatever you decide remember to protect yourself mentally and physically ....before saying yes to any request.

Answer 2

You know, I have to ask you your age...? And why do guy(s) put moves on you? Is there some Law saying that by a particular age - it is time to be intimate?

When I was younger - guys would put 'moves' on me, when I wasn't ready for that sort of intimacy - or sexual contact (I'm guessing that is what you are refering to).

Listen - as a woman who once was a girl - no one should make you feel that you should offer yourself in an intimate way. It's natural to like someone when they pay attention to you. But it's not natural to offer some intimate relationship as if it's expected - just because you like one another.

Don't let peer pressure say that being Intimate is the way to get to know a guy, either! As far back as I can remember - men/boys will say anything to appease their sexual prowess (that's about the nicest way I can say this). A man that truly cares about your feelings is not going to force anything upon you when you are not open to that sort of behavior. And for the most part, sexual intimacy carries with it a great responsibility beyond just the physical - are you prepared for that job?

Are you prepared to take care of a baby - if that happens?
Do you think sex is about just having fun, or is it more serious for you?...perhaps even something you would like to save for marriage? (Yes, being a virgin is not such a bad thing these days!)
Can you handle talking about the problems - such as 'protection from disease?'

I hate to say this - but is this something you have discussed with your parents? Or even a professional, ie - doctor? Therapist?

As a Woman, I recognize your feelings in this matter - and they are important. But what is also important is understanding that Intimacy is not about Sex, but emotional maturity between two people who are willing to share that common bond.

I hope this helps you make a good decision in your situation, and I thank you for being so honest. What you have is not a Fear of Intimacy - but a fear of not knowing how to handle this in a mature way that you can feel good about. So, please don't let anyone make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with - until you are mentally old enough to handle it - and that's just part of the growing process we all have to go through.

Juliana

Answer 3

intimacy (and fear of intimacy) is about trust and communication.

trust has three components:

knowing yourself (knowing what you want and what you're ready for),
knowing the Others intent, and
knowing the Others ability (to back up/stick to that intent).

All three of these kinds of knowings rest on your evaluation skills. ultimately, no one else can evaluate these things for you. If you're unsure about your own ability to evaluate any one of these components, then you will have fear (and it might be justified. listen to your intuition). So, the answer may be to work on sharpening those skills. This can be done with reading and meditation/prayer/writing, with certain kinds of classes and study groups, and with trial and error.

Another necessary (and usually underdeveloped) skill is communication. Theres nothing wrong with discussing your feelings and fears with the object of your affection. If it turns out hes not capable of understanding and being patient and supportive - and working on his skills too - then you've learned something about how to pick the right one. Move on and look for someone who's ready to approach intimacy responsibly and with respect.

Answer 4

You just have to find someone you are comfortable with and who loves you. Once you are in love and someone is giving themselves to you, then there is nothing greater than that. SO dont just have sex to be having sex. Wait till you are 110% completely comfortable with someone and trust them with your whole being. And believe me it will come natural...and your fears will fade away. You have to go into a relationship with an open mind and heart and everything will work out..i promise!

Answer 5

Get connected with a God of your understanding and learn to surrender and ask for devine guidence because the hole of emtiness only God can fill and you can trust another knowing your always loved and protected by God. With this faith comes wisdom and wisdom comes compassion and compassion you can't be dissapponted because you know your limits and you love yourself first.

Answer 6

How influenced / exposed are you to THE MEDIA? With all the "love 'em and leave 'em" stories that are rampant throughout the tabloids, it seems rather non-chaulant to even approach "someone" nowadays.
EXPLAIN your issues with your beau as doing so will help "clear the air" between you two. As doing so will help him see how "vulnerable" you present yourself as (I hope) he will help you "heal" from any previous "injuries" by sharing your feelings.
He (being a true Gentleman) should listen with his heart to help you(r relationship grow.

Answer 7

i have the same problem and when i ask about it they say that i just have to grow out of it. and that your not ready for a relationship so thats all i can pass on to you! good luck and i hope we both can get over it!

Answer 8

this is one of those fears that you have to face head on.. every time you think of running remind yourself that you do like him and push through the feeling.

good luck!

Answer 9

we're in the same boat sweetie... whenever i get too close to a guy, i start to pull away..

Answer 10

tell him how you feel. it's as simple as that. if he rejects you because of it, you guys can always get couples counseling.