I hate my parents(not just complaining)?

Question

Hello, Im a 14 year old male boy. I know it is probally normal for me to hate my parents, I know some of you are probally like "hate" thats not the word you should be using. But, I have many friends, But there the type of friends that i don't really wana be talking about this stuff too. And i can't talk to my parents they never understand me. I know all of this sounds so normal. I can even notice it myself. But a few weeks ago i was arrested for "harrasing" someone online. I know i was wrong to do this, I regret it deeply. But, My parents do not belive a word i say. And i understand that because i did go through a lying stage but when i need them there not there. And they do not understand school is so difficult for me, I may joke around sometimes in school but i pay attention ALOT and it comes very difficult for me. And when report cards come my brother has all A's and i am the "bad" child with the C's, and most reccently my mom said go to hell to me. Please help me i need advice.

Answer 1

welcome to the world of every teenager everrr. i know its hard to compare to the siblings, i have the same thing with my sister. instead of telling your parents, tell your teachers, they can help you with your grades. and about the harassing, thats bad, and i can understand why they are mad about that but forget it. and talk to your friends. they help :]

Answer 2

I would suggest trying to understand things from your parents' perspective a little. They are probably very alarmed that you were arrested and that you were doing this. They are probably very concerned about your grades because you are reaching the age where your grades determine if and where you go to college, and that WILL affect your entire future. And your parents love you and want you to have a wonderful future, not as a 10th grade dropout in jail or something. So they are very scared and they are probably not certain as to what the best way to help you is. People can get very angry and irritable when they are scared.

Maybe you should try and think of things that would help you improve your grades or stay out of trouble, perhaps ask your parents for help. Maybe you could sign up with a tutor or start doing some extracurricular activities to keep yourself busy.

The most important thing is to always remember that THIS ALL WILL PASS. I know 4 or 5 years seems like an eternity to you now and that you are really frustrated and angry, but be careful not to make reckless decisions that will affect your life long after you are no longer angry. You are at an age where life is very difficult and you are also encountering your parents' own faults. They are human, too, and they make mistakes and sometimes they don't understand and they are not always right, but they are always trying to do the best they can for you. Realizing how human your parents are can be really infuriating, because you know you deserve better. But we all deserve better parents than we got. Hopefully, you can keep trying not to 'hate' them (although I don't think you do -- someday you will really HATE someone and you will see the difference) and trying to meet them halfway and appreciating the seemingly few things they do right.

Answer 3

You are right, you do sound like a lot of 14 year olds. Your mother shouldn't talk to you like that. Do you always speak to her in a respectful way? I believe you about the whole school thing. School is just more challenging for some people and it is easier for others. All you can do is try your best and if they don't believe that you are trying, then there is really nothing you can do. You might feel proud for earning a C because you know you tried and put forth effort and they think you were lazy. It's a tough situation to be in.
As far as getting arrested, I think many parents would be pretty upset about that. If I were you I would just work hard and show them that you are responsible and mature. I'm sorry to hear that they are not there for you when you need them and I can't say much about it because I don't know where they are. Are they out drinking at a bar? or are they working hard to provide for the family?
Truthfully, you are just at a tough age and things will get better. If you are a good person and work hard, there is really nothing more you can do. I am glad you know that you made a mistake with the whole harrassment thing. Everyone makes mistakes and that's ok as long as we learn from them. Good Luck!

Answer 4

When i was a kid i didn't like my parents either, but now that i am older i see all they were trying to do was help me and point me in the right direction. Don't give up, they love you and are probably thinking the same things that you are about them. When people get mad they sometimes say things that they don't mean and later regret it, and i am sure that your mom didn't really mean for you to go to hell. Have you tried speaking to your parents about so sort of counseling and telling them that you may need a little extra help in school. People learn at different rates and some need help more than others. I would also talk to your friends about how ur feeling they will be able to help you more since they know you better than complete strangers. Hope some of this helps!

Answer 5

Right now you will be at odds with your parents. I'm not saying it only because of your age. Also because by now they probably don't trust you. I assume that because you said you went through a "lying" stage. I assume you got caught doing something or lying. Well, parents are more often than not close-minded. They think that because you lied ONCE, or did something bad ONCE, that you will keep on being that way. Parents are hard to gain back trust with. So now, to get that trust back you have to be very careful what you do and what you say. About your grades, show them you're really trying by asking them for help. Stay afterschool to ask for a tutoring schedule. If you honestly want to improve your grades, this won't be such a burden. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but it's just part of being a son. Oh, and try to find friends that you can confide this to.
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I hope everything goes well.

Answer 6

That's what I don't get about the common people. Everyone says "hate" and they don't realize how powerful that word is until its used against them.

Be a good kid
Put your self in their position, what if your son lied to you as a phase and harassed a person online. Some how get your parents to accept the way that you are. The way you do that is entirely up to you.

Don't feel like you have to live up to your brother. Its a proved fact that most people suck in the academic field but rock at hands on activities. lol I'm one of them. If you have told your parents that school is difficult and they think your lying then ask your teachers for a tutor. If your parents get a phone call/note from your teacher saying that your really trying to get better grades but your still failing then they'll understand that academics are hard for you. If you don't like the idea of having a tutor because of what other ppl might think of you or because you think that your "too good" for one then your a lazy kid and you need to get off your *** and you dissevered to get told to "go to hell"

Answer 7

It is normal to feel like your parents don't understand you and don't really care, but that doesn't mean you don't need help. You should talk to a teacher or school counselor; it's very possible that you have a learning disability, and if that is diagnosed you can do better in school and feel better about yourself. They can also help you understand why you are doing "bad" things and stop yourself before you do them. You know that lying and harassing people is wrong, and that's an important step, but it's better to stop yourself; you can never take it back and, as you've seen already, it will damage your future relationships with people. If you can't find someone to talk to at school, try calling your local United Way and asking them who you can talk to. They'll know if there are teen hotlines you can call, or a support group you could hang out with. I don't know enough about your parents and your relationship with them to say whether they will change their attitude when they see you trying to improve yourself, but even if they don't, YOU will know you're a better person, and that will give you strength. Good luck.

Answer 8

I know you already know this... cause you said so yourself... it is normal how you feel. You sound like a pretty smart kid. But when it comes to your relationship with your parents.... it is hard once the trust element is not there anymore. You admitted going through a lying stage. And honestly... it is going to be difficult for them to trust you again.... and the harassing the online person thing did not help much, I am sure. Trust is a vital part in a relationship. It is normal for your relationship with your parents to be strained at your age. It is part of the process of getting older. Your parents will be there when you need them to be. It might not be when you think they should be there....but when they think they need to be there. Sometimes you have to let your kids fall on their butts to learn some lessons in life. I have seen too many kids that their parents are always "there for them" and they turned out to be unable to take care of themselves because they never had to. Mommy and Daddy always did it for them. As much as it hurts you, I am sure it hurts them that the relationship is so strained. No mother ever wants to be mean to their child on purpose. I recommend that you straighten up and focus on your school work. And helping around the house. Keep your nose clean and you may regain their trust. I know it does not sound like fun... but trust me, you will appreciate it eventually.

Answer 9

You're right, it's normal. It's sucky normal. I may not be the person you want advice from, because I'm not 14 anymore - I'm a 7 year old's mom. But I'll be real honest with you. Even good parents SUCK sometimes. Sometimes I suck at listening. Sometimes I jump to judgement, and do not want to hear excuses (or reasons) for bad behavior, for bad grades, for bad moods. Sometimes I honest-to-God do not give my kid credit for how smart she is, and I turn into the "because-I-said-so" lady. (I hate that lady!)

It sounds like your parents do, too. What's my point? Parents screw up - a lot. Our jobs are really hard. And we make you feel bad, because you don't know about all the other stupid adult thoughts/worries/ideas we're bouncing around while trying to take care of you. Watch I tick off all the parents here. :) But you have to know, in your heart, even if they're not doing a good job with you right now, that they love you and they care.

Catch one in a good mood, and in your very best tone of voice, tell them all that stuff that you wrote up there. Give them a chance to hear you when you're not arguing.

And tell your mother that she hurt you when she told you to go to hell. I bet she apologizes. I would.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

Hi Jeff. I've been in your shoes. I was actually much worse- I was a delinquent teen just over a decade ago myself. Now I have my own family.

I am going to give advice to you only as how I reflect upon my own wrongdoings. The reason your parents don't trust you, is because- like you said, you went through a lyring stage.
NOW is the time you need to start doing things to rebuild their trust. Even if it's just a random little thing. Like take the trash out or sweep or clean something without being asked. Trust me- they will take notice.
You do need to change your bad habits and you recongize that and even show remorse. Now, you need to let them know you are ready to be a good kid. The way they treat you is directly going to depend on how they percieve your actions. If you are having issues in a certain subject in school- just throw your hands up and say "Mom- can you please help me with this. I just don't get it. I listen to what the teacher is saying, but I just don't get it." Your mom will recongize your frustrations, and she'll want to help.
As for your moms "Go to Hell" comment... it sounds like she is at the end of her rope. I remember the things my parents said and did to me(honestly, now looking back all deserved) but they did it because they were fed up and didn't know what else to say or do.
This is my advice.
Seriously- be honest. Even if you just come straight out and say out of the blue "Mom, (Or Dad) I know I've screwed up a lot lately... but I dont want you guys to think I'm a bad kid. I don't mean to be." If you need help, ask for it. You'll see your parents start to turn around almost instantly if you just start being honest with them without acting like a victim. Be open, honest, admit to your faults (even when it sucks) and then work on trying to make yourself a better person. Like I said. Doing something as simple as cleaning something without being asked is something parents DO NOTICE.
Good luck Jeff. I've been in your shoes. It WILL get better.