7 yr old kissed by 10 yr old cousin?

Question

Our family had a sleep over with my cousin who has a 10 yr old boy.The boy and my daughter were really close as they grew up together.About a month back we found them kissing under the covers.They both blamed it on each other,and had stories ready to tell us if they were caught.
I told her that the only thing she did was lie to us and try to cover it up.I emphasied that she could come to us with anything,even if it is something that would disappoint us.
She is still upset about what she had done and told me many times how ashamed she is and how sorry she is about it.
I Made sure of telling her over and over again that it was just a mistake and that the boy who is older than her,who knew about sex took advantage of her.
I am afraid if something more than kissing had happened,she says its just kissing.
How can I help her?How will I find out if something more happened without hurting her.She gets upset as soon as I bring it up.
Any help would be appriciated from parents and doctors

Thankyou everyone for all your input.It really helped to hear you guys reaffirm a lot of things I did.I do not bring up the subject anymore.And I do feel that hs eis talking to me more about everything in general.She is a quiet kid.Like some of you said,I'll make sure that no such chance arises ..I do think that she would not repeat it again.
Even during playing he'll not speak to her or say that he doesn't like her if she does not do something that he wants, So I do think he took advantage of her and he is a bit sociallly challenged too.
Thankyou again for all the input

Answer 1

She did this without knowing she was doing anything wrong, she was just playing. Don' t give this a lot of importance, she is sorry already, don't talk about it anymore if she doesn't want to. Tell her that she can always count on you, you are always ready to listen and help her. Explain that nobody can touch her parts and things like that but tell her like you are speaking in general and not about what she did.
It' s normal that the children act in this way.
Last year my daughter kissed a child (both 5) on his lips, I told they I don't like these games. They never did anymore.
After the child left I spoke with my daughter, she say:- but you kiss dad!!!, I told her that when she grow up she...............
you can image the rest.
This worked. I understand so well what you prove, sometime I' m worry too about my child, we need to help and watch over they without push so hard, because we want our children grow up happy, if you push her so much she can feel like she did something horrible, and her little heart can hurt so much.
Tell her she made a mistake because she don't knew, but now she knows and the important she don' t do anymore, and tell her your love for her it' s not changed.
Last thing. If you scare her so much the day she' ll really need your help maybe she don't tell you nothing for fear.

Answer 2

I think they were just curious and were exploring and taking on their curiosity. You should sit down and talk to her about that and let her know or remind her that if ANYONE touches her in her privte area or in a spot she is uncomfotable with (no matter who they are) she needs to tell you.

You should also talk to her cousin too, and see what he has to say and get a full explination while they are together maybe and also individually.

She seems a little worried because she knows you are mad and/or worried about what she got caught doing. Reassure her, and let her know how you feel and tell her it isn't really appropriate for little boys and girls to kiss and they wait until they are older and grown like mom and dad, and that if they do kiss some one it should be on the cheek only. You chould try something along those lines. Be cautious though because you know she is disturbed by the matter, if you think that maybe a session or two with a phsychologist would help to get her to open up then you could consider that. If something did happen she will most likely be very reluctant to tell you because of what she think you may say, do or think of her. Just take it one setp at a time.

Answer 3

Good for you taking action. A similar thing happened with my sister and our male cousin (he was 13, she was 8). At the time we didn't realize what was going on, but in years past my sister confessed, and felt violated. I think that for the most part, it probably was a "exploring" thing... but that doesn't make it right, and doesn't mean that it didn't go too far.

I don't know that a 10 year old really understands sex, or that he was taking advantage of your daughter... he needs to be educated. It sounds like you and your daughter can spak openly about the incident... so I'm sure you have caught it before things went too far. I would just re-affirm your willingness to hear anything she has to say... but I would leave it alone now, don't make it a bigger deal that it needs to be.

Answer 4

Drop it. At first I thought she kept revisiting the subject and was disturbed by the incident. But you say she is getting upset as soon as YOU bring it up. Why are you bringing it up?! She's said she is sorry and gets that she shouldn't lie. She says it was just kissing.

Move forward. If she brings it up again, listen. Try not to talk. When she is done talking, ask what she wants to do next. Don't keep pushing on whether anything else happened.

Hang in there, the first 100 years of parenting are the hardest. :)

Answer 5

if I was you...I would down play the situation...not put to much emphasis on it...if it is upsetting to her to bring it up..than don't...consider it "water under the bridge"......

even if there was more to it than kissing.....it is over and done ..nothing will change it...and you don't want to make anything worse...so let it go.....move on...and don't dwell on it.....sometimes hashing things out over and over will only make the situation worse....everybody reacts differently to situations...sometimes talking on a subject really relieves a person...for another it causes worse distress...and since your child is already feeling shame over this incident.....I wouldn't put much emphasis on it....and I sure wouldn't make a big deal out of something that really isn't nothing or cannot be changed..........you don't want her to grow up feeling shame or dirty every time she kisses a guy .....its a natural occurrence and should be viewed as such....not as some kind of big bad no no.........and placing the blame on a 10 year old child...is not really the way to go either...he is a small boy and emotionally about the same age as your daughter....... it was just normal curiosity on their part...you have already let her know your feelings on the matter and I doubt there will be a repeat ....don't make an already stressful situation on your daughter anymore stressful........

Answer 6

I really don't know what the selection is on Netflix, but I've been told it sucks for Movies and good for TV shows. Great movies: Thor Captain America, the First Avenger So sorry, I actually have no clue. As for TV shows: Drake and Josh reruns, as well as Suite Life of Zack and Cody are hilarious.

Answer 7

I had the same thing happen to my oldest daughter...I think that there are some children that you have to watch out for...because in the most technical since, that is molestation coming from the 10 year old....
The older kid used a position of power to get something that they wanted...which was someone to experiment with...
furthermore, I feel that there is certainly something wrong with the 10 year old that is worth addressing....We had to address what was going on in our family....

The fact remains, that spirits of perversion run rampantly, and if the situations are not taken control of, there is a chance that there can be long term effect that has a negative impact....and no matter how much we try to normalize situations, that is not something that even a knowledgeable 10 year old should be that curious about! The issue is deep, no matter how innocent or young the victim.....


Please don't let these people fool you....everyone that says it is normal...may be telling the truth....but, they will be the same ones talking about you when your child turns out with some problems later on in life stemming from this very incident....incest is REAL!

Answer 8

What the hell? Look her cousin wasnt trying to take advantage of her. No ten year old is that sick. She's 7. She shouldnt know anything about sex. A lot of times kids kiss just for fun and stuff.

Answer 9

this is kinda scary. sounds like the 10 yr old is gonna grow up to be a child molester. You need to find out what they were for sure doing. I think he did take advantage of her! What do you mean by kissing? surely not.... Kissing? well you need to find out more about what happened.

Answer 10

well thats good she knows it's wrong, let her know that is incest. the boy was older than her, but he was young too they both were really young and hopefully it was just a stupid lil mistake. make sure they are not around each other, and there is no way you will be able to know if anything else happened unless she told you. she gets so mad when you bring it up because it really bothers her and is deep seeded. i know how it feels and when she gets older, and when she is ready to talk she will, don't push her to talk about it, right now there is not a whole lot you can do if you are really concerned then take her to a therapist.
Good Luck!!!