Break up to Make up... That's All We Do. 21+ replies only please?

Question

OK... So I'm trying to end this long term off and on again relationship. I keep ending it because it's not going where I want. To try to stop me from leaving he tries to put restrictions on me, but doesn't change his behavior. And so I leave again. I guess I keep going back because I love him. It's hard for me to say these things in person. So, I wrote him a letter (not wanting to fight) telling him that I don't want to end things again only to come back again. I'm tired of hurting him by leaving, but if he can't give me what I need I should find it elsewhere. (The issue of course being quality time) I let him know that I never went back expecting he had changed, I just missed him. But once we're talking again here he comes with what he wants me to do, but never gives me what I need. I can't do it anymore. I wrote him two letters, but he never mentioned them. He started calling more, but no real change in his behavior. Any way I can do this gently in a way that will work?

Answer 1

There is no gentle way to go about this. It sounds as though you have made more than an effort for both of you to get this relationship to work. You need to just cut off communication. He knows that you will come back, no matter how he treats you. He has the power in the relationship and he knows it. Take that power, and your sense of worth back.

Answer 2

This guy more than likely doesnt know how to change. either that, or he is not willing to change. Its understandable that you make up and break up all the time because you've invested so much time into this relatioship, that being away from him makes you miss him like crazy. If you plan on leaving again, dont go back. You will be playing with his heart if you do. Plus, he probably has it in his mind that you cant and wont leave him (since he is so used to you leaving...only to come back after a while) Girl, you need to leave this guy if he really isnt what you want. You owe it to him and yourself to get out of this meaningless relationship before someone really gets hurt.

Answer 3

That won't hurt who? You? He sounds like he is making out just fine in all this. He keeps taking you back because you keep coming back. He knows you didn't expect change. You really need to learn more about the fine art of negotiation! You don't put demands on the table and then say, "OK, I'll accept whatever you dish out!"
Sounds like you need to be gentle with yourself and just leave him alone. Cry if you must, but do yourself a favor and make a clean break this time and don't look back.

Answer 4

I was in a 7 year on and off again relationship. We had two kids. He passed away this last may and I regret every single fight and every single break up. My advice would be maybe try and stick it out a little longer do what you want but don't give in to restrictions those are for children

Answer 5

You need to make up your mind and stick to a decision. All that "going back & leaving" stuff is not doing you any good. It's just making you more confused. Make up your mind...before you make a big decision. Think about all the good times and the bad times you had with him...and really weight it all out in the big picture. How doe he make you feel about yourself? Only you know in your heart what to do. Good luck and best wishes to you. You deserve to happy in life! =) Don't cheat yourself!

Answer 6

well i just had a recent senerio happen to me 3 weeks ago... i thought bout this and sitll do everyday . if i should get back with her.... i cut her off cold due to circumstances that less than acceptable she didnt cheat on me i hope.... but i think the best thing might b to tell them upfront not to call u n stuff... its extremely hard... but if u have to move on..... evcentually u'll get over it... dont take my advice just think bout it... im sure other ppl will give u valuable advice aswell...