relationships?

Question

i have insecurity issues. ive been with my girlfrienmd for five yrs. i cheated on her for seven months with one girl and she found out. we patched things over. this happened early in the relationship. because of circumstances and my alcoholism ive gone down hill and consiquently i have bad self esteem. my question is do people look at others and have sexual desire even though their in love with someone else?

Answer 1

The thing that separates humans from animals is that we can control our own breeding. I don't buy that "it's in our genes" or "it's in our nature" bullshit. I know that I didn't even look at any other guy when I was married. Other men just didn't exist, I just saw them as people and not as males. No sexual desire whatsoever.

But my parents, who have been married for ages, are the same way. The thought of cheating has not crossed either of their minds.

I have heard of folks like former President Jimmy Carter who "lust in their hearts" but don't act on that desire. So maybe not everyone is like me or my family but there definitely are people who mate for life. Even after my marriage broke up (becuse he was an alcoholic), I wasn't interested in other men. It took years before I started dating again because, yes, I'd married for life. I choose unwisely but I married for life.

Answer 2

Yes.

With men cheating 60% of the time and women 40%, I don't think it's for the reasons people assume (just sex or for the thrills, etc).

In fact, I assume that, contrary to social opinion, monogamy isn't normal for all people. Unfortunately, society isn't accomodating to those who want to be both honest and are not naturally monogamous. Open relationships are seriously frowned upon.

Most guys or girls don't cheat to get sex. It happens, but not to most people. Most fall into a relationship unexpectedly and only have two options they see open to them. Leave the new relationship, which is brutally difficult, or cheat. Society has shown them only those two options.

I am polyamorous. I am very open about my feelings and non-monogamous nature. I always make certain everyone involved is aware and OK before I enter into a relationship (their significant other, if they have one, and my wife). Though sex is a component of these romantic relationships, it's no different than anyone with a girlfriend or wife. They are long term and very loving relationships.

For those who are not monogamous, but not interested in long-term romantic relationships (i.e. sex is the more important aspect) and want to be open and honest with their partner, there is swinging. I"ve never experienced it, so cannot talk about it much.

I've always wondered why people find cheating (breaking the rules) more acceptable than open and honest non-monogamy.