My friend and her husband married after a few months of knowing each other. They are celebrating their 2nd anniversary and up until 3 months ago they had a bad marriage and planned to divorce. For the past 2 months they have been rebuilding their marriage and say things are much better.
My friend got pregnant and it wasn't planned. She said she isn't sure that they will be married forever, but it taking it one day at a time.
Can a rocky marriage become stronger from a baby? Did your baby affect your marriage negatively? Do you have any happy stories for my friend?
2007-02-05 11:16:09 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't think its the baby that made a rocky a marriage better - it was the couple who decided to make things better for their baby. A rocky marriage usually has underlying issues that just don't go away because there is a baby involved. I'm glad to hear that they are both working on it and should continue to do so until well after the baby is born so that once the euphoria of a new baby wears off they don't go back to their old ways. I wish them luck!
2007-02-05 11:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i had a rock solid marriage before the unplanned pregnancy I'm 29 he's 34 we were not wanting this he even got a vasectomy while i was still pregnant. I have a 11 and 9 year old that don't live with us. He did not want any kids. Our baby is now 2 months old the baby has put a strain on us. Before we traveled a lot cuddled a lot all our free time was with each other we could not have been happier. We get no sleep now we get no free time we can't travel the baby has put the FIRE out for us so i would think if things were already bad a baby would make them fall apart FOR SURE.
2016-03-15 07:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by Susan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the marriage has been getting better, and that was before the pregnancy so that's good. My husband and I have always had a 'rough' marriage and dating period. We've never considered divorce, and really do rely on each other a lot. When I unexpectedly got pregnant 9 months into the marriage, it was extremely stressful on him because of the prospect of being a good dad and supporting us, and on me because of finances and not being able to work. After he was born, we still found a bunch to fight about, but no matter how much we disliked each other or were mad, we'd just see OUR son do something cute or amazing and we'd look over at each other and smile. We had a connection that no one else could, or would ever, share with us.
Our son is now three, and I want another! It's been very stressful for Honey to have a child in the house, and he's not ready for a second at all. Children ADD stress and issues you never thought about, or didn't discuss before hand, but also bring a connection not achieved through any other means.
Tell your friend that they have to be respectful to each other as individual parents. My husband doesn't do everything I think he should or shouldn't as a dad, but he is, and always will be, my sons DAD, as he is, and all I can be is the best mom I can. I hold my tongue a lot, as I'm sure my husband does, but doing this has created more of a harmonious atmosphere for our child to grow up in. Another thing: it's easy to fight in front of an infant and feel like it won't affect them, but as they grow you continue to fight infront of them. NEVER have a heated argument in the same room as the baby. Protect them at all times.
Tell her my heart goes out to her! It's totally possible to have a secure marriage with loving parents!
2007-02-05 11:44:48 · answer #3 · answered by Margie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No having a baby can not save a marriage. My Dad tried that with his first marriage. The marriage only lasted 7 years after his birth. They were only married for 10 years. My parents have been married for 40 years this Nov.
I also had a friend who tried the baby thing and there marriage only lasted 3 years after the birth of their baby!
Having a baby to save a marriage is not a good idea! Your marriage should be very healthy to bring a child into it!
2007-02-05 15:09:04 · answer #4 · answered by LITTLE 1 :o) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband just said (and he's divorced with a 14 year old son) that
"having a baby distracts you a lot". In the event that they divorce I hope your friend and her husband keep in mind that a child is not a 'thing' to be fought over. My stepson is pretty well adjusted because his parents never brought him into the fight and they do not speak ill of each other in front of him and neither do I. That's the best they can do. Do babies make rocky marriages stronger? Absolutely not.
Even in a healthy marriage sysmic adjustments have to be made.
I hope she is being realistic about her expectations.
2007-02-05 11:24:36 · answer #5 · answered by Yogini 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Dear Friend:
I am sorry to say that a baby coming in to an already rocky marriage will not change anything for the better...with a new child, there will be more difficulties regarding findances, child-rearing and the list goes on...If your friends' marriage is in jeopardy already--this will make matters worse. The only thing that could/may help them is professional counselling...it is obvious that both parties have opted for divorce and we all know that divorces can get very messy and when children are involved the messier it can get. Most importantly, the life and welfare of the child will be disrupted....Just stand by and support your friend and be there whenever he/she needs you....Good Luck. V
2007-02-05 11:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by Vanessa N 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately most of the time a baby, especially one that was not expected will bring more stress & instability to an already rocky marriage. The baby is only that, a baby. You have to choose to love your spouse whether you "feel" like it or not. I guess when you have a child you experience real love for the first time. There is this tiny helpless thing that cries & poops all over itself and you may be tired & cranky but you still love it & care for it. That is how you are supposed to love your spouse and anyone else for that matter. S/he may be tired & cranky & dump all over you, but you committed in marriage to love in thickness & thin, good times & bad whether you feel like it or not. If they want their marriage to work they need to be willing to put themselves last in every instance for the better of the “relationship”.
As I said the baby is just a baby. You cannot depend on that tiny helpless child to keep the marriage together. Each must take responsibility for their responsibilities & duties within the partnership of marriage. I have found nothing but truth from God and God has helped me to see marriage in a new way. My marriage was very rocky to say the least, we had our child after 2 or 3 years of a rocky marriage (with the same thought, “that it would fix things!”) & it neither fixed it or made it worse…It was what it was; a baby, another person dependant on “both” of us. He added stress, he took up our time but he couldn’t counsel us, or use words to tell us how much he wanted both a loving mom & dad to be with all the time. He was not even a part of my thinking when I was so terribly unhappy that I just wanted OUT! We sought counseling, & God & counseling from God. And we are still together today, stronger than ever, but not because of the baby! Honestly, not having had a child wouldn’t have made my decision to leave any less difficult.
They really need to look at why their marriage is rocky in the first place…My guess is that one or both of them is taking more from the relationship than they are giving back. If you constantly put into your relationship, when hardship comes you have someplace to draw from things like comfort & love, etc. If you never put into your relationship what can you get back? They need to ask themselves am I a “What’s in it for me?” person or a, “what can I do for you?” person? You get what you give, if you want unconditional love you must give unconditional love, if you want security you must first give security, etc. They need to humble themselves if they really want it to work! (And leave the baby out of all of it, s/he neither made their problems nor can s/he take them away!)
2007-02-05 12:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by Boppysgirl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A baby brings all new stresses to a marriage. Yes, a new baby is someone to love and a cuddle but new babies are a lot of work and that's work that should have gone into your friend's marriage. I would tell your friends to go to Dr. Joy Browne's website and take notes. They really need to take time to listen to each other. I suspect, base upon 17 years of marriage, that they are talking at each other instead of talking to each other. While she's pregnant your friend and her hubby should start with a weekly date night so they have time together to talk away from the stresses of the house and job.
2007-02-05 11:28:42 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my marriage was rocky from the start..when i found out i was pregnant, it got a little better, but after she was born, it got even worse than before..i have since divorced him and it has been so much better for my daughter and myself..bringing a child into an already bad relationship can either go well or not..my life was the or not..if your friend isnt happy, suggest they either go to a marriage counselor, or call it quits..the life for her baby would be better without all the fighting and negativity while growing up..its not healthy..sorry i dont have a happy story for her..hope some of this has helped..
2007-02-05 11:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by Nikkib 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I fell in love at first sight. We met in 2003, got married in 2005 and had a son May 30, 2006... We have a strong marriage and you soo need a strong foundtion before you being another person into this world. When our son was born (8 months ago) we had NO idea what we were in for. My life has completely changed, whereas my husband's life, not so much. He still goes to work every morning and does his fly fishing on the weekends early in the morning. Our son brings such joy to our lives, as well as needing attention all the time, which we are both more than happy to give him because we both love him so much.
What i am trying to say, is that you need to rebulid BEFORE you can have a baby....although sometimes it isnt planned. Your friend needs to go to thearpy wiht her husband ASAP, if they plan on staying together...Good luck to the both of them
2007-02-05 12:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by pussycattiger212 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋