For parents of kids 5-15 years old - sleeping question?

Question

We have a 9 month old baby girl who currently sleeps in our bedroom. We have the crib next to our bed, where she sleeps part of the night. When she wakes up in the middle of the night I bring her into bed with us and she falls back asleep. We would like to have her continue to stay in our room with us, until we feel that she is ready to sleep on her own. My doctor says we should cry-it-out with her and put her in her crib in her own room or else she will not be able to sleep by herself for a long time. But it does not feel like the right thing for us.
In your experience, what would you recommend. What impact might we see on her development - positive/negative if we keep doing what we're doing until she is 3/4 years old vs. forcing her on her own now? For example, outgoing personality vs. shy, friendliness, gets along with children, relationship with parents, etc... What would you do?

Answer 1

I would DEFINITELY let her get used to sleeping on her own. It may not be time to "cry it out", but it's absolutely worth putting her back in her crib after her night-time needs have been addressed.

There's no question that sleeping with you beyond about two-years old is not good for her. Not only should two adults have privacy in their bed, but the truth of the matter is that she DESERVES her own space. Allowing her to be overly dependent on you isn't healthy for anyone.

In particular, I have heard that allowing children to sleep in their parents bed, and then taking that away from them, can cause a lot of trauma, and trust issues.

Answer 2

I have an 8 month old daughter-we share a room, her crib is close to my bed also. This is our routine-
at 5:30pm-night time bottle
6:00 I put her in her crib, give her her favorate blanky and close the door, she doesnt cry, she goes straight down. If she wakes in the night, I check her diaper, change it if needed, give her a kiss and leave her in her crib.Still she doesnt cry. Co sleeping is a huge debate but think of this- You think you can rationally tell you 3-4 yr old that they cannot sleep with you anymore? you're living in dreamland. If it continues past now, it will be years until you can break that. What about when your husband and you want to be intimate? your bed isnt yours anymore. I would google co sleeping and see what you can research. Its not too late to teach her to sleep in her bed, even if its in your room.

Answer 3

The Dr. is right. Put her in her own room in her crib. When she wakes up in the middle of the night put her back in her crib and tell her night night. Best to do this now. Good luck. By the way I have 5 kids 9,8,7,3 and 2.

Answer 4

As A Parent of three kids I have never let any of them sleep with me not unless they are sick then I go to their room only because my nephew is 7 yrs old and still sleeps with his parents Your mistake is putting her in your bed when she cries at night babies cry in the middle of the night for a bottle so you should just feed her and put her back down in her crib one good technique that works (an old tale from my grandmother!!lol..)is if you put her in your bed and she falls asleep take of your nightshirt, gown or t-shirt wrap her pillow or use it on her like a blanket its your smell that they get attached to crazy but it actually works. You dont want her to stay in your room till shes 7!!! teach her now you can keep her in your room but in her own bed Good Luck any more questions e-mail me!!

Answer 5

Then do what YOU want for YOUR family. It's all well and good your doctor telling you to let your daughter cry it out, but if that doesn't sit well with you, don't do it.
I have a 21 month old daughter, and everyone told me to let her 'cry it out'...I ignored them. Somehow, I knew I would know when she was ready to stay in her cot all night. I breastfed until she was 18 months old though, so of course she came into my bed when she woke at night, but now, on those rare occassions when she wakes up, I bring her into our bed to settle and give her a cuddle. I have no problems with this, I know my daughter is only going to be this little once. These are precious months that we are never going to get back, and I don't want to spend them listening to her cry :)

You have to do what is right for your daughter, and follow your heart.

Answer 6

this is such a great question! I do not know if I have an actual answer or not.. but I do have six children the oldest shared my bedroom for a while... the next two did not....then my last three have been... two are still in there... although they each have their own room.... my three year old tries it out... but almost nightly ends up snuggled to my husband and I..... lol...

my four year old who slept in my room until last year...we had her crib and then toddler bed in my room... but she has always gotten up and come to snuggle in the middle of the night.... she does still from time to time... but? she loves having her own room.... she has been sleeping in there for about four months now.... but she helped to decorate it and set it up when she was two years old....she'd go in there and play... lay down to read and almost nap during the day..... I felt she needed her "own space".. at night, she would say goodnight and go upstairs... and I would go to do "tuck ins" only to find her sound asleep in my bed.....lol.... I did let her take lead on this... her room was there... her space... when she felt ready, she moved in....

she exhibits no signs of fear of the dark, or of being alone... she is very self confident.... she is shy.... but? I think I do believe that one to a genetic thing (what I mean is that I think the experts right in the belief it is genetic...I am very, very shy.... and every one of my children are to varying degrees) she is independent and always so happy... okay she is headstrong... and willful at times...lol.. very much the little adult, in the fact that she takes charge... I am sorry, but I love this about her... as difficult as she makes things for me...lol.... she is not afraid to talk to me about anything... in any way either... not sure yet if that is a good thing or not.. we'll see.... ? she and I are very close...she tells me all the "girl secrets" and we have girls' night where all three of my daughters and I do the facial, nails etc.... she is very much daddy's little angel as well... she is my fourth of six.... I know some of her traits and qualities have nothing to do with her staying in our room...

I am not sure how much is from allowing her to sleep in our room (and most nights our bed) or how much would have been "all her" regardless... I see many differences between her and my other daughters at that age.... but they are all different people characters, qualities too....

the fears I thought would manifest? of the dark, alone... they are not there... once in a while she will come and tell me that she wants someone to sleep with her to snuggle... but that, I think is all children at her age... I had three prior and between four and ten? they all want to snuggle in mommy's bed....lol.... I am sure some want that comfort even after.... I would need a much bigger bed..... ;)


my eldest daughter shares some of these qualitlies.... whereas, my one daughter who had her room (with her sister after a while) from the beginning almost.. at ten she is afraid of the dark still.... not as confident really... but again.. not sure if that is from not sharing a room... or inner.... she and I are not as close as my other two daughters... I really can not say that is due to rooming in... or if it is because I worked two jobs from the time she was a baby till right before the birth of my fifth child....? that does not help you clarify though... hmmm...

I think that the positive and negative will have more to do with you.... if it is the right thing for you and your husband to allow her to stay in your room till she is older, than do it... one of the biggest things I learned too late was that the experts are not always right... and mommy knows best... where her family is concerned.... I am not a strong believer in the "cry it out" I did that first time around... but my resolve melted in the face of those choking sobs the ones that are so deep they are almost hiccuping long after the tears end.... I moved the toddler bed in that night.... lol...

I would recommend that you do what you feel is best for your daughter...... she will be the person she is meant to be, a great lady, with you supporting her.. guiding her.... making her feel safe and secure....from your question and the specifics, I think you are already doing it the right way for her really.... you are thinking of all angles.... just keep watching... and responding... that is my opinion anyway....... hope it helps god bless

Answer 7

First, you have to realize no parents do the same thing. We are after all individuals. So are doctors, child psychologists, psychiatrists. From doctor to doctor, treatment is different for the same condition. Which is why we leave one & go to another because he is 'better', nicer, kinder, has a proven track record, experience, or some other reason.

You know what you want to do and as long as you don't keep your child with you until she is 5 or 15 or anywhere in the middle, you are okay.

A bed is nice for a child, but Mom & Dad are the comfort & security she is accustomed to. Hence she is able to sleep peacefully & comfortably.

My children are older now, but as infants each slept in our bed.

Why?

Twice I was nursing, and it was easier to keep the baby next to me, cozy and warm, so after feeding & burping (& the ever-present drying) I too could go right back to sleep cozy & warm from the comfort of my bed.

The other times I may have had to get up for a bottle, but the rest was the same. Fed in bed, burped, dried, and to sleep.

Did my children have beds? Absolutely. I used them for daytime naps, while I cleaned, cooked, washed, or played with the others.

They all left our bed happily and peacefully, with no whining, waking or other complaints about two years old (once or twice three), or if I was expecting. They also had to endure being alone when we wanted to spend some time together. Then they would sleep for a while with my oldest child (15 or 16).

Cry it out? How stressful for you and further upsetting for your upset baby. Yes, I allowed several young ones to cry it out, generally after the 1st birthday, because they didn't want to do something I needed them to do (usually let me put them down so I could cook or clean or something).

Sleeping with us had no negative effect on their development. They were all well-adjusted children. Happy, friendly, outgoing. They made friends easily, (even people they met when we were on vacation became long term friends), many of their relationships continue today.

We get along well with each other, they phone & visit regularly. No one was still at home by 19 (their decison).

They did well in school, although one of the boys majored in females and his grades meant he had to get a new major.

Age three is fine for moving into her own bed, as long as you let her adjust to sleeping away from you for longer and longer stretches. She may complain a bit, but if you provide incentive for each successful attempt (which may or may not happen right away, but be persistent) she will go easily enough.

Reinforce the "Big Girl" idea. Put her favorite toys in her bed, and let her play with them there. A big girl toothbrush & new sippy cup, not necessarily expensive things, just steady. And not as rewards, but simply because she is a big girl, who sleeps in her own bed. If you feel badly about it, don't let her know.

Keep at it until it doesn't bother her or she forgets about your bed at bedtime and expects to go to hers.

We have had to go through the things that many familes experience: Apparel, grades, and "all my friends parents are okay with it", and more.

But we are content that the decisions we made worked for us.

Do what works for you.

Hope this helped.

Answer 8

I have 3 EXTREMELY outgoing, wonderful, smart and loving kids. And they slept in our room and in our bed for a while. They transitioned later on to a toddler bed very easily.

Do what works for you.

My kids are 5 1/2, 7 and 9 1/2 and they rock. And I'm not a touchy-feely, "I need you to need me" kind of person. But it worked for us and kept us all sane and happy and secure.

And when kids know they are secure and that someone will be there for them when they are scared, they will be more apt to venture out on their own (and to their own bed).

Can you imagine, as an adult, being scared to death and yelling for your husband to help you? And he ignored you because "it was for your own good" and "it was so you could learn to sooth yourself"? Would you ever trust him again? Would you be scared to do anything remotely scary because you KNEW that no one would help if you needed them?

There's a healthy balance - just find what works for your family.

Take care and congrats on the Baby Girl! YAY!

Answer 9

hey i went through the same thing! my son was sick at 3 months, i worried about his breathing and kept him in our bed.
he was able to over come his illness, but would not sleep in his crib. it was easier to cuddle then to hear my baby cry, so we cuddled.when he turned 2(yes 2) i bought him a "car bed",due to it having high sides. i made a big deal of his new bed and eventually he learned to sleep in it. at first he would fall asleep with us, I'd wake him( so he'd know he was going to his big boy bed)and put him in his bed.took time,but it worked.there were personality affects (he's 18 now)
YOU KNOW YOUR BABY DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT!

Answer 10

I would put her in her own room now. Creating good sleeping habits right from the start will help in her development. Teaching your children to be independant is a good thing. Your daughter has passed the stage where sids is a concern. I would definately get her into her own room, its time.