What should I do about this married man?

Question

There's a man that I was friends with and during the entire friendship he made me thing that he and his wife were in the process of getting a divorce. He even said that my birthday gift would be their divorce papers. I recently found out that he lied about a lot of things. Right now he is overseas at war and I am hurting here in the US. His wife is also in the US taking care of their 2 children. I feel so bad because I never would have slept with a man who I knew was truly with his wife. He told me they were separated for years. I can easily get in contact with his wife but I don't want him to find out that I spoke to her because he has shown signs of being very nasty and devious. I also don't want to hurt her but...What should I do?

Answer 1

Yikes, I would end everything with this man. He is a liar!! Who is to say he won't do the same to you. His poor wife and kids. Just give it up.

Answer 2

He has proven to you that he is a "nasty, devious" person. I assume that you've broken it off with him once you found out what a liar he is.
I think it's right that his wife should know what sort of devious liar he is (if she doesn't know already). You could send her a letter or call her and let her know what happened. you don't have to tell her your identity, but be sure to emphasize that you just found out the truth, that would never have gotten involved with him if you knew he was still married, and that you're only calling because you're concerned for her well-being. He may be sleeping with other women as well, and subjecting his unsuspecting wife to all sorts of STDs - and if he is as "nasty" as you say, he might be violent as well, and it's better for the safety of the wife and children if they can escape a bad situation now.

You can also try to protect yourself by starting precautions while he is overseas. For example, give his contact info, description, and military ID, and a detailed history of his "devious acts" to someone you trust. Get the name and number of his commanding officer at the local base he's stationed at, so that if he tries anything at all, you can report him. Let everyone you know that he is a suspicious character and should be reported immediately if he makes any attempt to contact or visit you. Change the locks on your door, your PINs, and block his phone and email from yours; any personal information he might have been able to get from you. Let him know clearly that it is over between you and you want absolutely no contact with him, and that you will report any attempts he makes to harass, harm, or stalk you.

Answer 3

Don't be the one to ruin his wife's marriage and leave the children without a father in their life. If he makes contact with you again, just say it is over and I found somebody else and start looking if you wish. He won't like it,but too bad. What kind of person lies to you and starts cheating on his wife and family, a no good one. You deserve better than that. What if you were to marry this person and he ends up cheating on you after you had children, how would you feel then. I think you know what you have to do. Just do it and get on with your life.

Answer 4

You said his wife is here in the States. Frankly I see telling her a huge disruption in his children's lives as well his wife's life. The only possible good that could come out of it is relieving him of the responsibility of facing the mess he's made: And possible making you feel unburden, but at what ex pence. It's his mess let him clean it up when he's down with his tour. And I'm very sorry that this happened to you. I hope you can move on and find the happiness you deserve.

Answer 5

Stay away from him. You already were with a man that "was truly with his wife." You knew he was married! He wasn't divorced, yet. Also, stay away from the wife. Why should she have to suffer at your hands. She is already with a jerk who screws around on his wife and kids. Now she has to listen to you because you want to unload your guilt. How selfish can you be? Leave them alone and never ever mess with anyone who is married. Its just wrong. Don't get me wrong, he is the lowest of the lows. But, you are just about right there too.

Answer 6

ok.. regardless of what he has said of done in the past, you now know present time HE IS MARRIED... So, first off- Why would you want someone else's problems? Second- Why would you want to be with someone that is a known to lie?? (you aren't the first person he has lied to!!) YOU are the only person you have control over, and the only person that is going to look out for your best interest.. Saying this, the answer is easy... walk away and don't look back. There are many men out there that are single and that will appreciate you, and treat you the way any lady deserves to be treated... LIKE A LADY!!
good luck

Answer 7

You stop seeing this man. You also do not tell him while he is overseas. He is fighting a war for god sakes. You said you would never sleep with him if you knew he was married. Well now you know. When he gets leave you leave. Don't be a home-wrecker. There are plenty of other men out there. Leave the wife alone. Respect yourself. Find your own man

Answer 8

It is not your fault. He lied to you to get your trusts. You can only learn a lesson from this experience, and that is not to sleep with married men because it s against your consciousness.

There's nothing you can do but accept the fact that it happened and be kind to yourself. There is nothing you can do now as it is in the past and beyond your control. Forgive yourself if you have to.

Don't let your guilt and regret cause you anymore pain than it should. Don't let him give you anymore pain than he should by holding on to the guilt and pain.

You can tell the wife, but only if you feel that you are doing her a favour. Regardless of his character, you should do what you feel is right. Your fear will only lead to further pain and guilt that is unnecessary.

He may have slept with other women, no doubt. If you are fearing for yourself, then don't tell his wife. She has to learn for herself without your fear of interference.

Please move on with your life as you are human and we all make mistakes.

Answer 9

I wouldn't say anything to his wife. It will make things worse.......for you, for his wife and for him. Especially if he can be very nasty and devious. I would try really, really hard to cut him out of your life. You deserve better than him. Remember, he has done nothing but, LIE to you! You're better off taking it day by day. Keep busy.......spend time with friends or family. While he's away take advantage of completely getting away from the situation. From experience I had to do what I HAD TO DO!

Answer 10

Do not contact the wife - there's not reason to hurt her, and obviously he doesn't care that much about either of you, so it won't serve the purpose hurting him either.
Forget this guy. Married men who cheat will tell you anything to get you into the sac - this is not the kind of person you want to hold out for.
Your best revenge would be not to contact him ever again, and don't respond to him if he contacts you.

Answer 11

I was in kinda of a same situation but the minute I found out he was married that was it I never saw him again I didn't want to be someones sidekick I wanted to be the only one in his life. He tried to tell me he was in the process of leaving her and just didn't want to tell me cause " It was to complicated" anyway screw that man he is just using you in till you cant wait anymore. I have a friend that just went though the same thing to she was all crying and **** I was like girl those guys always say they are gonna leave their wife's but 99% of the time they don't. Just remember if he'll do it to her he'll do it to you. Move on don't let him put your life on hold you are wasting time that you could be using to find a real man !!!!!!