I really loved him (and still do), but he was so busy with a lot of reponsibilites and never had time. He has been really triying hard to get me to accept his apology and give him another chance. I have gone out a little bit but I am thining I should try this one more time cuz I think he is really sincere. I am worried about what to tell my friends though cuz they pushed me to call it off and I finally did. he's a good guy and, lol, is looking good right now cuz he got himself into really good shape, and is really being nice in his messages. he is well educated, good career, and even moved closer to me. he is 40ish, no baggage, I am mid 30s and want kids and he knows it or would not have come back. I miss him but have not given him ANY signs that I do. Should I give him some hints? and how? I fear he may give up if I don't but i don't want to get into the same cycle again...helllllp!
2007-02-05 09:30:54 · 7 answers · asked by ltjt_ltst 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think that first you should think about what you want out of a relationship and then figure out if you think that he can fullfill your needs if he tries. Then think about what was missing in your past relationship with him - write it down to that it is clear and sounds mature, not naggy. Next go to him and have a serious talk with him. Tell him that you have thought about what you need in a relationship to be happy and then tell him that if you were to get back together that you would want things to be different and tell him the things that you want to change. Be straight forward, even bring your notes that you made for yourself. Be honest and straight forward....you have nothing to lose here and all to gain, you aren't with him. This will show him that you mean business, that you are together and know what you want and he needs to respect your needs and thoughts. Tell him that you really want him to think about it, he doesn't have to say yes right then. If he comes back to you saying that he can fullfill your needs, has the same values and direction than open up yourself to him and give him a chance...if it is going to work you need to have faith in him and belive him. In the coming months if you see that your relationship is falling into the negative patterns that you left him for in the first place let him know this, make him aware. If no changes are made and you aren't happy then leave. When you leave you know have very concret reasons that he can't just say sorry for. You spelled out what your needs were and if he can't fullfill them and you don't want to change them then he isn't the guy for you no matter how much he wants to be.
2007-02-05 09:45:28 · answer #1 · answered by 1978 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay- friends aside
Be logical- your not a teenager in love. This is your life!
Make a list honey. Pick the one that fills fastest.
Reasons to be together
Reasons to be single
Reasons we broke up and how we can fix them- to be discussed and acted upon asap.
Are we getting married in one, two years?
Are we having kids in three or four years?
Are we getting a house in two years?
Are we getting a dog in six months?
Make any question that is important to YOU!
Once all this has been written down BY YOU- then contact him and get a clean sheet of paper and do it all over again with him.
Then go to your best friend and take her the proof. Logic wins over emotions every time.
Just answer these questions before you proceed- Can I stand before God and dedicate myself to this one man for the rest of my life? Will it be the happiest day of my life?
Am I willing to forsake all others to bear a child with this man and forever be linked to him? Will it be the happiest day of my life?
If he should die tomorrow would my heart ache forever for never being his spouse, wife, mate, best friend and lover?
You know the answer already. Never let fear=lead you into a choice of convenience. Be courageous and brave ! Love and a good marriage is not for the weak of heart.
2007-02-05 09:43:06 · answer #2 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, give him another chance. It is very hard to find a man you care about & one that is willing to make changes for you. Do not let your friends make your decisions. If I had done that I wouldn't have married my husband & I am the happiest I have ever been!
2007-02-05 09:39:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lagina S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you do miss him that much, you should go for it. From what I can tell, he really really wants to fix this. Maybe he has more time to devote to you. You never know til you try. If doesn't work out, you can still be friends! Good luck!
2007-02-05 09:37:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide what YOU want. Why did you dump him in the first place? Has that rationale changed? Don't let peer pressure rule your life. You're the one who has to live with your decisions and there's no way that they can understand your perspectives.
2007-02-05 09:35:24 · answer #5 · answered by tony1athome 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants you back and you do want him back, you need to set boundaries about your relationship. Like time spent together, who's responsibility is what and on and on.
2007-02-05 09:34:25 · answer #6 · answered by Vanity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GO FOR IT , YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! don't let your friends pressure you, listen to your heart.
2007-02-05 09:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋