This might sound silly, but...?

Question

...I want a baby so much it actually gets me down. Me and my boyfriend are in a very happy stable relationship, and he too wants a baby. The problem is I've been a very broody person for as long as I can remember. I know babies aren't all cuddles and giggles. I've babysat for my friend a lot and dealt with the nappy changes and the sick and the feeding and the tantrums and the crying and the juggling the baby with trying to make sure the house is neat etc. I've also babysat another friends toddler and had to deal with the dreaded favourite word "no" But i also know having your own baby isn't half as easy as looking after someone elses (you can't give your own back!).
I'm constantly worried that I might not be able to get pregnant and I'm always worrying about doing things incase they could effect me having children.
I actually feel depressed when I think about things now, because i want a family so much. Any advice? :(

Sorry guys, I did forget to mention my age. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23.
And prehaps my use of the word depressed was a bit OTT :S what i meant by my question is that we are both so desperate for a baby but alot of people are telling us we're too young etc etc. I'm slao quite scared of 'letting down' my mum. She was 17 when she had me and is always reminding me of how hard it was. I don't expect it to be easy. I'm not going in with my eyes closed or rose tinted glasses. I've seen my friend struggle (she's a single mum two years older than me with a 1 yr old boy now) and i've been there to listen to her cry and rant.

But blah im just babbling now guys.

Thanks again for the advice :)

Thanks for all the good advice so far guys. I feel a bit more at ease now :)

Answer 1

My advice is...get married. Then think of having kids.

Answer 2

It's great to be in a stable relationship but you really need to make sure you have other things stable as well... e.g. a stable income.. from boyfriend.. and maybe you, if you are in a position to take maternity leave.. also need to think about whether you would give up work when you have a baby.. if so your boyfriend needs to be earning enough to keep the whole family running smoothly... make sure you are in a stable and secure home.. you don't want to be worrying too much about making the mortgage/rent payments on time.

obviously couples get on absolutely fine without these things but I would guess that most would make sure they were in place first if they could go back and do it again.

Think hard before having a baby..think of a future with one now.. or a future with one in a few years time... where would you be two years down the line? How much more would you be able to teach your child when you've had a few more years life experience.

I personally want to be able to teach my child/ren as much as possible when they arrive... this means that I have to live a bit first and learn all I can about life and the world so that I have some knowledge to pass on. And is some small (and bizzarre) way, this already makes me feel a bit like a mum as I am putting my future child/ren first above my own desires.

Just don't rush into it. Good luck :)

Answer 3

You sounds just like I did 22 weeks ago (I am preg now). Only I was also scared that I wouldn't want to be pregnant even if I DID get pregnant.

My best advice, talk to your boyfriend deciede when/if a family is in your future. Take into consideration your finances, age, and stability of your relationship and make a plan. As much as you can't plan everything about kids, you can at least have an idea of when you can start so you have a goal in mind. It is much easier to think about these things if you know "the end is near".

In the meantime, you sound like you have lots of love to give to a child and that maybe best served now by helping children that need the most love. Consider volunteering at the hospital in the children's ward, taking in emergency foster children (meaning they were "rescued" from a bad situation and will only be with you a few days while a more permanent solution is found for them), etc.

Also don't worry about not being able to get pregnant, there is so much they can do to help your chances are much greater than they would have been in the past. (I know...we needed help!)

Answer 4

Well by the sounds of it, if it happens its going to be what you both want. So just relax and let things happen. Make sure you guys have a home, a room and all that sort of obvious things before actually getting pregnant!
I'm 21 and pregnant with twins now. They are due any time this month. I really wanted to have a baby too. And i couldnt be happier when i found out i'm pregnant.
Some people are just natural mothers and love kids. To all those people saying your too young!! BULL!!! If you know your strong anough and your relationship is strong anough, go for it.
Good luck!!!

Answer 5

BABIES DO NOT NOT NOT NEED MARRIED PARENTS!!! As long as you are in a stable relationship there is no reason why two people that love and support each other cant have children.
Marriage is fine if you both want that but some people see it as an outmoded practice, which is unnecessary simply to justify you living your life and have kids! Marriage is an outward declaration of the love that should ALREADY BE THERE. Therefore you can be in a fully stable relationship without a piece of paper and a ring and a big party one day to prove it.
Honestly what century are most of these people from !!!!

Answer 6

You're not too young at all. If you are both in love, and both really want a baby then you just go for it. You must make sure you havent' taken the pill for several months so your body can get back into its proper cycle. The more you worry that you wont' get pregnant, the more your body hears "I won't get pregnant" and guess what? It won't happen. Every cell in your body will hold back from taking on a pregnancy due to stress and worry...

Start by waking up each morning by saying "I can get pregant, I am going to have a baby soon". and get excited about the prospect. Prepare a room for the baby. Look at baby clothes. Prepare your mind and environment to take on a new arrival and it will happen. Replace the worry with excitement and see how fast the universe changes itself around you to make it happen.

If you are relaxed, your body is not in "fight or flight" mode and will be able to release healthy eggs each month. If you are stressed about it, your body will be in like a "protection" mode and won't allow growth and development during this phase so its unlikely you get pregnant then.

Answer 7

If a baby is your ambition now then go for it. You won't be letting your mum down. Do you already have qualifications, degrees etc? You can keep these fresh through study while child is young then go back to college when they start school. Or if not you can start from scratch when babes is little.
If you want a career first then you have to consider that no-one gets to have it all, at least, not all at the same time. I think you are obsessing unnecessarily but you have to think about if a family now is what you want and if it is then get conceiving! Good luck.

Answer 8

You don't mention your age. Realistically you should only think about having kids if your in a good, stable relationship and you have stable surroundings i.e. a house, job, transport and money behind you. Only then is it 'advisable' to have a child. Your worries of not being able to have kids is a problem shared with many others (including men) yet there is no need to worry as i'm sure everything is fine. Even if problems occure there are ways and people to help you through, with IVF, adoption etc.

Answer 9

I don´t think your Q is silly, it´s an advantage for you that you have been looking after lot´s of baby´s. There are many young woman that fall pregnant and don´t have the first glue as what do do with a small baby . I think the best thing to do is to relax a bit more & don´t think so much of , will I ever have a baby of my own. I fell pregnant rather quicky with my first child & thought best have another one as soon as possible , but tried for 4 yrs till my next child was born . So take thing´s easy it will happen , when your less expecting it to . in the mean time enjoy yourself with your nice boyfriend

Answer 10

hiya,
i felt exactly the same as you b4 i had my baby. i helped bring up my 4 younger sibling so had a lot of experiance but when it came to having my own child i was worried i wouldnt be able o cope. i always wanted a family young so when i fell pregnant at 18 i was over joyed. my baby girl is 4 weeks old now and she is the best thing that has ever happned to me and my partner(also 18). Although it is hard work sometimes the rewards are great so i would say, as long as you and your partner are happy together then you should go for it, its the most amazing thing ever.
good luck!

Answer 11

Just look around at all the women who have had children and I know for a fact practically all of them will say that they never regretted having them. You need to be strong my lovely - if you want children and so does your partner then there's nothing to be afraid of because you will have 100% support from him. Just make sure you are in a good, stable relationship (my advice would be to get married first - make's things so much easier) with enough money to support your child. If you are infertile (which you don't know until you try) then it's not the end of the world! There's IVF, surrogacy, AIF, adoption =)