why do people always ask me if i have kids? i dont have kids and i dont want them. i also dont think i look like i have kids. moms usually looks awful. yes you might say heidi lum looks good, but she is rare and im sure she has stretchmarks galore under all that lighting and makeup. well i think the question is insulting. i think people should think before they ask if someone has kids.
2007-02-05 08:33:24 · 17 answers · asked by wcarolinew 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think most people ask others if they have children as a way to try to find something in common with them. It may be an ice breaker for a conversation. Politely say no you don't and ask them if they do. That will at least start the conversation.
You may not look like you've had children, but perhaps your of age, say, anything over the age of 20 is fairly common these days.
If you wish to carry on the conversation with the person who asked, you may wish to say you don't have any but you have some awesome neices or nephews. Then you'll still have something in common to talk about.
I too never wanted to have children. That is, until I had them. Now I'm a very very happy mom and wife and couldn't have imagined my life without them. I started having kids late in life. So take your time, plan for them, and that's only if you want children.
2007-02-05 08:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by Copper Jan 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Wow...you really should chill out. It's just a question, and no one is even remotely wanting to insult you with it.
I have friends who don't have kids, and they're not offended when others ask about it. They just say no.
It's simply those other people trying to learn about you, and answering their question pretty much gives them the info they need. After all, it's not as if they said, "Wow, that's a pretty big tummy you have there, lady, you must have a ton of kids!" Now THAT would be insulting!
There's no such thing as "looking like you have kids". Some women put themselves together well, and some don't - with or without children.
It sounds to me as if you're overly sensitive to the question...Is it perhaps because your decision to not have kids really isn't entirely your own? Or perhaps you're beginning to regret the decision? My suggestion is that you dig deep within your own psyche to figure out why this bugs you so much.
2007-02-05 08:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
People ask to be polite and the odds are good that adult women have kids. They are not saying it to judge.
Why do you take this so personally?
Many Mom's do not look awful and stretch marks rarely show unless you at the beach. Why are you so resentful?
I've known some pretty haggard looking childless women. Too much time indulging themselves I think.
2007-02-05 08:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by Karrose 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How do you "look" like you have kids? I have a niece with 4 kids. She's MAYBE 120 pounds, and looks like a teenager (she's about 35). When people ask questions like that, they're trying to establish a connection with you. They're asking questions to see if you have something in common with them that you can talk about together, or if you have something in particular you like to talk about. Since most people have kids, it's a pretty common connection, like "Are you married?" or "What kind of job do you have?" I'd hardly think of it as an insult.
2007-02-05 08:45:22 · answer #4 · answered by cross-stitch kelly 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, I find it more insulting when the people I know ask me when I am going to have children. I mean I waited until my later twenties to get married and for years people asked me so when are you going to get married and I always told them something sarcastic because it really pissed me off. When people ask me when I am going to have children, I simply tell them that I am not. They then get curious and I tell them that I never wanted children and that I wanted a life of my own--doing it my way, not what society sets for the norm. Now, I do not really get offended by people asking me, who do not know me because they are just trying to make a conversation. That is legitimate. People that I do know asking about when and why are the rude ones.
2007-02-05 09:38:22 · answer #5 · answered by just julie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
asking you if you have children is not wrong. People like to connect. I'm sure many women your age...even most women your age DO have kids. It's obviously a sore spot for you. Are you infertile, or just don't want kids? In either case, it's your issue- not theirs. This is a normal question.
2007-02-05 13:06:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow aren't you calling the kettle black. You find something so trivial "insulting" yet you don't even realize how insulting it is to say "moms usually look awful". Your also very superficial. I could only imagine what goes on in your head everyday.
2007-02-05 08:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by daven71 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's just a question that people ask, especially when you are of a certain age. Obviously they don't already know that you don't have kids, or they wouldn't ask. I'm sorry you're so sensitive about the issue.
2007-02-05 09:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you paranoid about stretch marks nobody can see? People don't ask that because you "look" like you have kids, they are just asking to make conversation, or to find a common ground, that's all, just like men who are total strangers talk about sports.
2007-02-05 08:45:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, easily offened much? Would you be insulted if I asked you "do you own a car" because I have no way of knowing that just by looking at you.
2007-02-05 09:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by barefoot_always 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋